S Feet.......

Lots and lots of things are at present going on in my mind.
Strange beings have I encountered lately and I wonder how we all exist simultaneously maintaining a harmony in the world and at the same time making it difficult for some to even breathe in the same air.
Too many things I have to handle simultaneously now. And yet I am so optimistic about everything. At times I seriously wonder how a person can keep on going like this. I must possess some super powers for sure. No full stops or any more bus-stops to sit and rest. Somehow things are too dynamic to be static anymore.
Don’t know what else to say. Just hoping to see the best of tomorrow with a better today. :-)

A new day.......

The other day was chatting with an old school friend and she asked me questions whose answer I, I didn’t know about. It made me feel so strange and so very different, as if exposed myself in front of her. And yet indeed it was she who knew me inside out in school even so this wasn’t something new for her. I know she was trying to be helpful and she is a patient listener but I guess time has changed so many things that we lose control even over ourselves. But I wish she does well in her life, she has been my savoir in school and I wish she gets the best in everything cause I know she deserves it.

Lately even I have realized how badly I have changed myself but then I guess this change was long due. I seriously have so many things to talk about but at the end I feel what it matters, it is all useless and “things without remedy should all be without regard”. I don’t know where I am heading towards right now, but with around me, smiling to me, listening to me and making me feel like a child again, I guess life is worth living and as I said earlier nothing else matters.

Nothing else matters...

Somehow all of it felt bad initially and when I woke up, I am back to being myself again. It was not worth all the energy I have inside me. I know I can e stupid and fool at times but it pains more than even when I had hurt myself. Anyways some stupid lines again:

I breathe and I know am alive
I travel miles and waited for that smile
I knew am not important and I finally face that
Life is precious not to waste even for a while.
To give that smile which perhaps no one deserves
To ride down to the town where nothing can be preserved.
And so I end up only with a vague smile
And I realize how stupid I have been all this while
And today nothing else matters…


Till today morning I felt like a small child. He made me smile and he made me happy. But today for a while I realized how little that matters. How you could do that with me? But still I am happy since I know no matter what I have you with me, always by my side and that matters the most to me if not to anyone else. :-)

I want to see the world too...

Recently the most unlikely thing happened with me and one of my friends. Well both of us along with some other friends have been a part of Play for Peace for quite sometime and now have been carrying out workshops for the Bal Vividha. Well it was on the very first day of the three-day workshop when I and my friend planned to go to a restaurant to have some Biryani (which I don’t like at all) but anyways with friends everything is worth a try.
So anyways after the workshop we happily proceeded towards our destination to this restaurant and as soon as we reached there someone asked us not to go any further because there was a bomb inside that very restaurant and when we turned we saw that people were rushing out of the place.
It was scary, believe me. Even though it must have been some hoax call or stuff just to scare the people and believe me it worked. At least with us. Both of us thought what would have happened had there actually been a blast? None of our parents knew where we were and would have searched frantically everywhere and got no response until one day there would have been a news on the T.V. about to unidentified bodies.

Well life has become a joke these days. So friends enjoy it because you don’t know whether it will be there with you tomorrow or not?

Take care friends, take care!!!

EVERYBODY DIES AND NOBODY CRIES
THAT IS THE TRAGEDY CALLED "LIFE"

Mumbai Calling… SOS

It is not just Mumbai which is calling out loud for some help and assistance now, it is whole of India shouting out loud and there isn’t anyone to perhaps listen and reach out.
Mumbai is currently the brightest city in the country with non-stop blasts and fire raids, the terrorist attacks surely has increased the value of our dear city and what exactly do we all do, sit back and relax and watch whatever the media is showing us. As for the so-called “Mumbai wasis” they enjoy all the fun real and live by getting onto the streets or better the check points where they can see live terrorist activities.
After the best of hotels been exploited and exposed, with tones of bullets and grenades in hands and with the guts even to steal a police van and shoot openly in the middle of the road, there isn’t any doubt remaining about the fact that our dear terrorists are real rock stars. And for the not-so cool police officials, who unfortunately lost their lives in the combat (3 of the best they had in the police force of Mumbai till yet), are mere fools to have done so. Without proper ammunitions and amenities, it’s the job of a politician to jump into the site and yet come out perfectly safe and sound. With some of our famous celebrity politicians planning a visit, more of a holiday to Mumbai, it is an earnest request to them that please stay out of all of it. Already the rescue procedure is lagging behind and your starry presence might just interfere with our not so very important job of getting the terrorists out of the city.
It is a shame that our efforts of trying to save our motherland from the outside disturbances has come to this now. It has been more than just mere 24 hours that Mumbai has been under attack and what we read in the papers or see in the Television just adds up to out daily requirement of spicy news everyday. What are we doing? Are we supposed to be the mute spectators of life forever and ever? Is life all about being coward and maintaining a distance from things which haven’t affected us personally?
A simple conversation with my parents and I realized that any person can do anything for a mere sum of 20lacs where it takes a lifetime for common people like us to earn it. Thus even if we get to see pictures of guys who are hardly between 20-25 years of age we shouldn’t be surprised cause they are the real bidders of life. Investing their life for a lifetime security of their family, even though the one who earns isn’t any more to enjoy all the luxuries money can buy.
I don’t exactly know how my mind has proceeded on the topic but all I can think of now is how all of my family members and relatives are safe and sound and how this incident in Mumbai hasn’t affected any single member of my family. But in the process I forget that it has done something far worse than to directly affect anyone of us being actually present or absent from the real situation. How will our future generations look back and react to such a situation? Perhaps soon our children too will have chapters dealing with the terrorist acts of 9/11 or 26/11[“Chabbis ki Diwali”]. Instead of Munna and Circuit we might have chapters on our dear terrorists who lost their lives for a noble cause, the noble cause of spreading terrorism and violence, plundering and bloodshed. The time has come now when history will soon repeat its own self, when soon the country will be under the shackles of being ruled and dominated by another civilization. Let’s all just pack our bags and be ready for the new generation which is coming its way with the little lamb turning black and the cousin brothers still ruling the world.
All this just lead me to asking some questions, but I know not whom to ask them to? So I just type them out here, right now. Why our country isn’t ready for a war and what we are facing now is exactly a war situation and why don’t we have means to overcome it? Why does our system lag behind everything? Why aren’t the citizens of the country coming out of their rat holes and showing that we aren’t scared? Terrorism causes terror and fear among people, and we all are aware of the fact. But isn’t there a means to fight one’s fear? Aren’t the politicians just ready to forget the fact that they are from the ruling or the opposition party and get together to fight for the one common cause, the cause of saving their motherland, India? Thousands and hundreds of reports will come up in the papers and websites and so on, but isn’t there a single voice which can come up with a suggestion to fight and do away with this terrorism and not be terrorized by it anymore?

What I can think of right now is be mentally prepared to face any situation of emergency. Be prepared for the worst of times which is yet to come and God forbid shouldn’t come even. I lack answers to offer to my future generations who might pin-point at me and stare and glare at me with their numerous questions and all I can do is run away and hide from those torturous questions which might expose the fact that I was a coward and I couldn’t do anything for my country. But I have to prove everyone wrong and would ask everyone out there to be active and not dormant participants in life. Our duties and responsibilities towards our country should never be forgotten. If possible try and join politics, prove the age old statistics which says that all nearly 80% of the politicians are corrupt. Be an active member of the society you live in and when the right time comes one shouldn’t be afraid to even give their lives up for reasons which are far nobler than our mere existence in an emotionless society. And let us not forget those heroes who have lost their souls for saving us…let us all come together to salute their courage and their attitude to either “do or die”. Even though they might not be remembered and cherished forever in the pages of history, let our minds and hearts not forget the fact that our peaceful existence is only because someone out there has given up his/her life to save ours.
SOS isn’t just a call to save our souls; it’s a cry of the modern man in this wasteland called modern life and living. Help your own selves to help others. Reach out to those who need us the most. Save your motherland to save your own hands from being dirty. And let us all wish that the perfumes of Arabia should soon sweeten the smell of blood which our country is shedding so piously.

Eliot and Me...seem to be in love :)

"...our hearts are torn from us, our brains skinned like the layers of an onion, our selves are lost lost
In a final fear which none understands."

"The brown waves of fog toss up to me
Twisted faces from the bottom of the street,
And tear from a passer-by with muddy skirts
An aimless smile that hovers in the air
And vanishes along the level of the roofs."

"The bed is open; the tooth-brush hangs on the wall,
Put your shoes at the door, sleep, prepare for life."

The last twist of the knife."

"Tired.
Subterrene laughter synchronous
With silence from the sacred wood
And bubbling of the uninspired
Mephitic river.
Misunderstood
The accents of the now retired
Profession of the calamus."

"She turns and looks a moment in the glass,
Hardly aware of her departed lover;
Her brain allows one half-formed thought to pass:
'Well now that's done: and I'm glad it's over.'
When lovely woman stoops to folly and
Paces about her room again, alone,
She smoothes her hair with automatic hand,
And puts a record on the gramophone. "

"Burning burning burning burning
O Lord Thou pluckest me out
O Lord Thou pluckest"

"And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust."

"Everyone's alone — or so it seems to me.
They make noises, and think they are talking to each other;
They make faces, and think they understand each other.
And I'm sure they don't. Is that a delusion? "

"If we all were judged according to the consequences
Of all our words and deeds, beyond the intention
And beyond our limited understanding
Of ourselves and others, we should all be condemned."

"That corpse you planted last year in your garden,
Has it begun to sprout? Will it bloom this year?
Or has the sudden frost disturbed its bed?"

"I have heard the key
Turn in the door once and turn once only
We think of the key, each in his prison
Thinking of the key, each confirms a prison"

DOSTANA

It was a nice movie indeed, as expected from the ratings. But then I liked the movie and was worth a watch. Priyanka looked much more glamorous in the movie than what she had been in “Fashion”. And after her host of flop films, Priyanka sure isn’t going to repeat her mistakes again. Under the Yash Raj banner she seems to have improved great with quality in her acting skills. In fact her new look without too many of accessories made her look beautiful. Surely a great change after all those monotonous looks in here movies. And as for acting she surely has done a good job.
Then there is our own Mr. Aishwarya Rai acting in the movie with the best sequence of the Venice incident which he narrates and seems to enact his very own true self, his gay self. With the horrendous pink car and green belt and yellow shoes with red watch and pink and flowery printed shirts looks awful on the guy, making him look more of a gay than a guy to be precise. But after taking his acting career into account, I must say he did a great job being the gay in the movie and the running sequence was mind-blowing. Mallika would surely fall for him after watching him run like that. The Venice sequence makes me wonder what Abby Baby must have done in his honeymoon. ;-) He should now take up more of homosexual roles since they completely seem to go with his personality and actually would help him make more money in the long run. [No offence meant to anyone who so adores Abhishek]
And then there was light, and for the audience there was our very own John Abraham, the sexy dude with a cute dimple making girls drool over him. The very opening song “Shut up and Bounce” would make anyone gasp for breath. With yellow boxer shorts, the color surely could have been better, John looks mouth watering delicious and yummy. And the very next scene we get to see what perhaps only Bips had seen. ;-) And even that was …. John looks awesome in the movie. His jackets, showing off his abs and waxed chest and those quarter pants made him look more hot than cool actually in the movie. His expressions when Abby Baby says to Priyanka that they are gays…he looks so very cute. John has done a great job for sure and in the Venice act he surely is the guy in the relation and Abby the apt “baby” and not the “baba” in the movie. Way to go John, I surely am looking forward for more of such cute roles from your side and such good acting as well.
Bobby Deol makes the most decent of entries in the movie and looks elegant and a complete gentleman. His Armani’s looks way too good on him and the waxing scene is hilarious. Poor guy had to go through so much of torture. I wonder why he isn’t offered better roles instead of such short roles and stupid films as “Chamku” and others. He looks quite good in the movie with his hair chopped off.
Kiron Kher and Boman Irani aren’t seen much in the movie though there could have been more of each one of them. Kiron looks too sweet as a typical Punjabi mom worried about her son and his marriage. As for Boman, he looks cute as the gay boss in the fashion magazine. But the whole set up of the fashion magazine where Priyanka is suddenly asked by her new boss, Bobby to come up with a new look for the already top magazine reminds me of the movie “13 going on 30” where the protagonist played by Jennifer Garner has to face a same kind of situation and miraculously she too is successful in getting out of the whole situation quite easily. And the proposal scene is also inspired by a Hollywood movie whose name I have forgotten.
The music is quite good and one can buy the cds and enjoy the songs. “Maa ka Ladla” is a hilarious song and “Jaane Kyun” makes you and your friends really feel special. But the best song in the movie along with dance is “Biddi jalaile”. Wondering how that came in the movie? Guess what, to know more you surely have to go to the theatre and just find for yourself. Till then this “Desi Girl” signing off to watch more movies and to come up with some more reviews, if and when I feel like. ;-)

Reflections here and there...

And finally I get to tell Her everything. And she being so sweet understood my point and though was a bit disappointed stood by my side. She realized the situation and made it a point to tell me that no matter what she was with me in this and would always stay by my side. It’s really nice to know that still there are people with genuine feelings that understand me or even try to understand me. I seriously wish her luck and love in her life. She obviously wanted to beat me up initially and thought it was all fakeness but later she perhaps realized the need of the hour for me and as I said stood by me.
Still having those stupid headaches and it’s so damn unfair; I just can’t seem to enjoy the beautiful weather outside just because I will catch a cold sooner or later. Nothing much is happening in life as mentioned earlier but a little good thing, in fact things which happened during the day. First as soon as I entered the college premises I saw NB on his bike with two of his friends and to my surprise looking at me. That was indeed a sweet surprise cause when I turned back just like that he was still looking at me or someone else, I don’t care about that, it’s just that I know our eyes met and ;-) Then in the class I got a message from G girl asking about my whereabouts since she had a break. So I took permission from my Prof. and came out of class to look for her and to my another surprise again I see NB and even though I have to cross him and go, he did turned back to look. Perhaps I am imagining here too much but it’s all worth it. And then I noticed he was listening to whatever I had to say to G girl. Sweet naa.!! Then after college I had to go to the library to return a book and bought two more novels back home. Was with P and went once again for some shopping. Then called Her up and decided that we will come back home together as we used to do when we were in 2nd year. We took a break in the metro station when I told her everything and she listened to me patiently. Then boarded the metro and came to our destination and decided that she will accompany me in the bus as well. Thank God, she got a seat even in the bus and there suddenly I see a wallet lying near her seat which of the girl who was sitting in that very place. So we asked the conductor to stop the bus and I personally went to the girl to return her wallet and she did look relieved even though she had realized it very late that her wallet was missing. Still both of us did a good job and were happy about it. It is always so nice to be with her. Then were talking about what not and she got down, I took the headphones out and started listening to my new favorite song- “Shano Shano” from the movie Yuuvraaj.
Then returned home and was about to sleep when heard a bike and instantly knew that Bhaiya has come, paying a surprise visit as always, which is always nice and happy and a change for perhaps each one of us.
Nothing as of now cause I am typing the blog and haven’t started studying yet. Tomorrow have to go to college for a meeting even though it’s an off day for me. Anyways I learnt something: “Whatever happens happens for a reason strong enough to make one feel that what has happened was good enough to either be forgotten for life or be cherished till one’s death”.

With fire in my eyes...

Right now, I am seriously bugged up with everything around me. It’s seriously too sick to be sick and not being able to do anything about it. I hate medicines but still those don’t even stand as an option for me right now. But let’s just not talk about it and rather talk of some pleasant memories.
Just a few days back I had to stay back in college for some work and had to wait for a 4 absurd hours. And since the day I got the news of my greatest day in college, definitely I wasn’t excited about it and kept on asking myself what will I do for so long? Where will I go and how exactly will I save myself from getting bored? So many questions and I had no answers to them. I surely couldn’t have asked anyone to stay back for me till then but someone surely volunteered to do so. And A was also there with me for 2 hours and that’s more than what I could have asked from her. Anyways Jon and Aubhi stayed back as well and I am really grateful to both of them for waiting for me till the work got over and saving me from all the boredom I would have otherwise faced ;-) But then it’s always good to know that people wait for you :-P And both of them are real nice people, wish them the best of life.
Then did some of my part of shopping for my cousin’s wedding though I ain’t much excited about it but still I surely want to attend it. But it is just before the exams and with that I am reminded of the fact that I am not studying at all and instead am typing out this blog. ;-) But let’s see what exactly is in store for me and I seriously hope everything goes well. A hell of a positive person I might be but let’s see how everything turns out to be.
Life has been a little slow lately but then I am sure it will pick up some speed soon, it can’t always be dull and boring as it can’t always be lovely, happy and giving. Well I have done something real big some time back and because of that I have got to know myself a lot better. The things I was uselessly running after was not worth anything. The things I believed in turned out to lose my faith soon as they were not to be trusted in the first place. It seems I don’t regret my decisions and don’t regret anything I did. Perhaps this had helped me to be a better and bitter person cause not everyone deserves being loved and liked. Nasty of me indeed but that is how world seems to work. I can’t just give up on myself to keep others happy and see myself as a wreck, in the middle of nowhere. Too many things have happened and it has just made me a little stronger to be weaker inside. ;-) Anyways I don’t exactly mind these days sharing myself out here cause not just it acts as a stress buster but even though people get to know about my feelings I don’t really have to fake them in front of others.
But still I wish I wouldn’t have been here at all in the first place with no one beside me. Too many contradictions to exactly figure out what is going in my mind.

NB has gained some weight I guess and he looks better and that too sporting a little longer hair which does suit him. I got to watch Hugh’s “Scoop” where he was the villain but nonetheless I love him. ;-) One great actor he is. Nothing more of the masala as for now cause life is lacking that.

Yeh tumhari meri baatein
Hamesha yu hii chalti rahein

Take me away

These days, I don't know why but I feel like things will fall apart soon. Soon all the patience would be lost and soon life would be a little worse than hell. But lets hope for a better tomorrow. :)


I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.

Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.

Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.

Do what you want, but you're never gonna break me.
Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me.
No.

I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.
I got a love, and I know that it's all mine.
Oh.

Wish that you could, but you ain't gonna own me.
Do anything you can to control me.
Oh, no.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.

Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

There's a place that I go,
[Pocket Full Of Sunshine lyrics on

But nobody knows.
Where the rivers flow,
And I call it home.

And there's no more lies.
In the darkness, there's light.
And nobody cries.
There's only butterflies.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.

Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

Take me away: A secret place.
A sweet escape: Take me away.

Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

Take me away: A secret place.
To better days take me away.

Take me away to better days.
Take me away: A higher place.

The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I'll be all right.

The sun is on my side.
Take me for a ride.
I smile up to the sky.
I know I'll be all rïght.
-Natasha Bedingfield

Just to forget...

Dreams lovely dreams. Makes you want to live life again and make you want to believe in things you had lost faith in. dreams take you to the world where you always wanted to be. Do things you always wanted to do. Lovely space carefully protected in our memories. I am a big dreamer and am not afraid of my dreams at all.
Let’s see what happens next.

For days have I toiled to get you out of my head,
To stop sensing you are there and to feel your breath.
So why have I worn this mask of success,
Just to seek your attention or just to impress?
Words, stupid words come in my head
And I don’t know how well to forget
Those memories and moments which were not worth living
Those days which were not worth cribbing?
Today, tomorrow or had it been yesterday
Nothing will ever be coming your way
………………………..

Pup...pup...away...........

It is a puppet’s life for sure. Some buy it, some sell it and some are… Some time back I thought I would never indulge myself in such a market where there is no profit at all. And guess what even though I tried to keep myself away from it I am suffering from heavy loses. :-)
Any ways, it surely was never planned by me but then somewhere out there someone planned it all for me. It was totally unexpected but as any other spectator I had enjoyed others’ performances a lot and wished mine too could have been so great and wonderful but things were planned the other way round.
The show began even before I could realize it and I was in the centre stage giving my performance and the audience was very supportive and encouraging. So here I was and there was no way of turning my back to it. The spot light was already on me and I had to perform. And to my heart’s delight you too were there with me, and we were performing together. I was happy and excited and wanted this performance to go on forever, at least as long as we could manage. And I must say we were managing it mighty well.
I never ever imagined that out performance would end so soon and that I would actually be a puppet. I had performed thinking we were performing together but I was so very wrong and generally I am wrong in trusting people, and in this case, a puppet so easily. It soon seemed that I was performing and you made me perform as you desired to see me and not as I wanted to be. Anyways it was way too complicated and it still is. But it seemed I was a toy up for sale or rather till yet on display and sooner or later someone would have bought me. And I was surely up for display in the showroom. But this toy girl soon realized what was going on around her and much to even her surprise now she is very much into buying and selling of these puppets. Now she organizes shows for them and makes them act and perform in the stage called life. Ever wondered why? Well the answer lies very much in all of it. It a two letter word with everything in IT. ;-)
I can make others dance to my tunes now. I can make others laugh or cry as well. Cruelty is perhaps attached to me these days but who isn’t cruel in this pretentious world where people are to conscious of their softer, emotional side.

It is a futile effort on my part to make others realize how very shallow we are becoming each day. Hope things will change for lucky few and lets all hope that sooner or later things will be back to normal perhaps. ;-)


I have learnt that for every love letter written, there is another one burned.

The system

I had a great time with old school friends. I previously had no intentions of ever going out for pandal hopping since I strongly believe that it’s all a part of showing oneself off to others rather than paying any kind of homage to our beloved deities. Anyways the three of us planned to go out together on the afternoon of Navami thinking that the day would be cloudy, but we had it the harder way. Anyways the point of me writing it all down is that no matter how badly things were turning out for us we were together and had a great time. It somehow reminded me of the old school days when especially I and S would always be together, having a really awesome time. And A would occasionally contribute as well. It still feels like we are still in school and back to those golden old days when we were together and not so much busy with our respective own curriculums. Those stupid things we did every now and then. The first day we met and how much I encouraged them to talk to me even though initially they were a little hesitant and how fast we became friends. Those stupid places we were allotted away from each other and how soon we would change our places to as to being able to talk to each other. And especially me and S, no one was ever able to stop us from opening the Tiffin boxes in the middle of the class and that delicious junk food we both have had. Some days in paradise I say. Those silly jokes we laughed at, those days when we used to give a damn to other onlookers inside the school premises, etc. etc. etc

So many things, such great moments and awesome memories, everything was revived the other day. Seriously guys you made my day and thanks for whatever you have done for me till yet and I wish you both the best of what life has to offer.

“Jinse socha naa tha mohabbat kar baithenge

Unhi ne mohabbat ka seekh padha diaa

Aur jinko khojte rahe hum mohabbat ke liye

Unhi ne humme ruswa hona seekha diaa.”

:-) ;-)

Kya baat hai????

Memories...

Sawaariyan




The Classic


I am losing my sanity finally and all because of myself. I am great at messing up my life and regretting every damn decision I take. And later cry and expect people to be around me to console me when I am the one who should be blamed for all.
If only I could talk to you, to tell you how much I was and I wasn’t a part of my own self. I wish you could have sat with me here earlier. I wish we wouldn’t have arrived at this. But then what is done cannot be undone now. They say they saw it in your eyes but what if I never felt it. They never could see the real in me so how can I believe them? How could I make them understand that I am lacking in me? My lips are sealed with fevi stick as if, I want to scream out loud but I cant. And the worst part of all I am happy or at least I still can pretend to be happy. But I still can smile and yet manage not to cry in front of even you.
Hehehe
Blabbered again… but for what joy, I don’t know. What is true is not even true any more. ;-)

Here’s my memory of SAWAARIYAN

I don’t exactly remember the date, but I do have the tickets with me [I could have seen the dates but who would move?] I had warned my dad time and again not to watch the movie with us and had insisted that he should take OSO’s tickets but nonetheless he came with us. A hell lot of things happened that very day and two more unwanted creatures had joined us in. Yucks! That was bad, super bad.
Anyways according to me it’s a story inside another story so as to say Fiction and in fiction anything in possible. Gulab ji [Rani Mukherjee] narrates the story of a Rockstar Farishta [Ranbir Kapoor] who tries to keep everyone happy. He is sad to see others sad and he tries his best to keep everyone around him happy and cheerful about love and life. As for his own self, he falls in love with a girl, a pretty damsel. A girl waiting for her love...and her love has promised his return 2 her. And so she waits for him and is ready to do so as long as she can. That is what we see in Sakeena [Sonam Kapoor]. Well but who doesn’t wants true love in life and is ready to wait for it even for a lifetime. If not then I guess the modern scenario has somewhat change. Anyways the story covers only 4 days and in those 4 days our Rockstar Farishta undergoes so very many diverse emotions and feelings.
What I liked most of the movie was its simplicity, the way SLB could show that love has so very many meanings and depends on how individuals react to it. The scenes must have been so very out of the world but it was fiction, and what I feel it depicted the Fairy land we all must have dreamt of once, though would have picturised it very differently. I liked the character of Ranbir Raj, somehow I felt I could relate to him and I could see so many similarities indeed with him. As for Sakeena’s character I saw glimpses of my self in her too. I could see the romantic in both the characters and could relate myself. The songs were awesome and I guess the movie was more of musical than a typical Bollywood flick. The setting was superb, I do agree there was too much use of the color Blue, but then it was a fairyland…with dreams so pure and true. I had so much to write about the movie but as I sit and type all this out I wonder how many out there reading this would actually understand whatever I said and how much would lol? And moreover I know how much the movie is closer to my heart and I don’t care about anyone else’s feeling regarding the movie.


THE CLASSIC:

My first Korean Movie ever. And believe me it was worth a watch. The narrative technique used in the movie is awesome and the entire cast and crew have indeed done a great job with the story.
It’s a simple love story with seeks to attain fulfillment even though not in one birth but it doesn’t dies out with time and the eternal nature of Love is stressed upon in the movie. It is surely no bakwaas masala but true feelings which come out in the movie.
Many won’t know the story nor would I like to narrate it here. Friends if possible do go ahead and watch the movie. Though I have my serious doubts that you all would to that thinking if a girl likes Sawaariyan then her choice must be a total loss. But it is not so.
Anyways I loved both the movies and they both are close to my heart some ways or the other.


Still want to type out so much but won’t in fact cant cause speaking too much might me my cup of tea and blabbering out everything is surely my cup of coffee, which I don’t like that much but still indulge myself in drinking it. ;-)

Marna hai toh???

There have been so many times when you did something even when you never intended to do it in the first place. I myself have thought of doing so very many things but I don’t really know how to do them. But then I realize the fact that somehow or the other I have to do it, by hook or by crook. There are hell lots of things going on in my mind and I must admit that I don’t really know what will happen to me in near future. And life seriously is fucked up at the moment. But all I can hope to do now is enjoy it as much as possible before it is too late. Anyways I don’t really have much to say cause if I start speaking everything up then I would end up doing what not now. Hehehhe. Now that is a big big secret ;-)
So let’s all hope for the best and look forward to reaching the new horizon, the new set limits of the sky.

I am coming home to you...

Shit my cellphone isnt working and I lost everything I had written then and saved it up. That is so very unfair. And I just realised it when I sat to type it all out. I don't know the exact words nor would I sit to write them up cause sooner or later I will write it again. But maybe not today.

Life is seriously messed up and I don't know what to do and what not to. Anyways let me enjoy every bit of it and lets see how much I can really enjoy it. Till then cheers to love and life!!!!!!!!

Is it over????

I do wonder at times how it would have felt had you been there beside me. How happy I could have been? How lovely everything would have been? But I try to hide my loneliness so that you don’t get to know about it and worry and yet you can’t see the real me. I feel animals are so much better because they ask for love and companionship and they get it and we complicated human beings can’t speak our minds. But the one fact which scares me a lot these days is that I might be misinterpreted most of the times when I open my mouth and speak my mind. So many people have changed because of petty misunderstandings. And politics has taken over feelings and emotions it seems but I try and be true to myself. Too much of it already I guess.
But I wonder how it would feel when someone might end up doing something for me and without even my asking for it. Maybe I am never supposed to go through that feeling but I know someday things will be the way I want them to be. Or maybe I am over thinking things. Whatever that maybe assuming the fact that I wouldn’t ever wait for you and you would be all alone… I tried my best never ever to do that. But today I am doing so because there’s a part in me who wants to see you wait for me, at least for once or even ask me but how would you cause I never voice my feelings. And I understand everything you have to say even when you don’t say anything at all. So why do I feel bad about all this today? Maybe because I am too good a person or maybe I am too selfish to see there are times when I was never around you, to be with you and be your comfort. What am I? Where am I going all alone? But will you ever be by my side when I would need you? Will you be there as I am always here? Will you ever or will I always be ready to give up a part of me so as to keep you happy and healthy and make you feel as if nothing really is wrong with me and that I am not human and lack feeling as if?

So many things yet remain unanswered and I desire no answers as well. Anyways life has always been weird and I try and enjoy it as much as possible even when I sit here all alone and with a stupid smile on my face.

“Jee le jee le jee le ishq mein
Marna hai to marr marr bhi le ishq mein”
:-)

Maybe its true........

So finally I seem to resume my writing. Past few days have been real hectic for me and I was damn tired to do anything else except go off to sleep once when I reach hone. And I am still yawning as I type this all out. Our Pastiche is on this very Monday and we all are very excited about it. Busy with practices, costumes and very damn thing that is possible. I seriously hope that it is a big success and I surely am looking forward to it. Nothing else, just that the college is really keeping me busy for the past few days and some really close friends are coming closer and some good friends are behaving not so good with me (which definitely hurts but I seem to be at a loss since the friend isn’t interested in listening me out). Anyways the bottom-line is I am busy busy busy. ;-)

My First Friend [FF] has had a dream recently about me and something more and read on you will get to know more about it. It goes like this: One fine day I, my FF along with two other friends and PH are supposed to catch a train to some place and we are running late so we are frantically looking for our platform. Well a small twist, FF sees PH but she addresses him as Rats. Though in her dream she thinks it’s Rats who is accompanying us but whenever she looks at him its PH. Anyways back to where we were. We were looking for the platform and suddenly I see there’s our platform and there are two ways top catch the train and already we are running late as well. So the crazy and active me crosses over from one platform to other to catch the train and I am damn successful in doing it. As for the rest four, as FF insists they take the longer route of reaching towards the train and as a result they miss it. After this I am not to be seen any more since I am already in the train and have left them all behind. So FF, PH and two of my other friends are left behind. Once the train leaves FF looks at PH and finds that the stupid boy is frowning and sad-sad. And as any other typical Bollywood movie FF asks him that does he loves her? And the inevitable Yes happens. And FF laughs at him and hits him softly in the head saying when will he tell her about it and he says that he has to do so soon or else she would be gone forever.
Here my sweet friend’s dream ends. Superb naa??? A typical mixture of DDLJ and Jab We Met.

Anyways that was my friend’s dream and she wanted me to write about it in my blog. I had said that soon I would be writing about two of the movies I have enjoyed a lot but it seems my busy and hectic schedule is not permitting me to think much outside whatever is going around me. It seems that soon my brain will explode and come out. I am eagerly waiting for the day. There is a hell lot to say but my words seem limited today. Some of my friends would kill me for not coming online regularly these days, some of them must be happy not to see me at all and some are all too keen to pass their judgment onto me. I know future can never be predicted but I believe in living in the moment. So let me enjoy my present rather than scheme about the future as those great negative characters in K soaps. ;-P Life surely is funny. It gives things at the most unexpected moments. And by the way after reading my blog many say that Nature Boy must be a serious crush of mine but I would not like to discuss about him with anyone and would write anything and everything about him as and when I like. By the way these days he is spotted without a cap and finally I get to see his face properly and he is worth looking at but then there are things to be thought of. This wicked grin on my face has surely scared someone. But it’s funny and sweet at the same time. My life seems topsy-turvy at the moment but I am enjoying this joyride a lot and seriously right now all I am bothered about is how well can I enjoy it since I might have loads and loads of things to consider and think about. And since I have got a life outside my daily college life I have to consider a hell lot about it too. There are things I so want to write about but its impossible talking about it with anyone at all. So what I do is smile till I know I can’t carry on and then I ….

Have to write so much but don’t exactly know how to start or where to start from? But still I am typing things out without any real intent of recalling them exactly as they happened.
By the way Nature Boy seems good these days, his dressing sense has kind of improved. Still very tall and very kool. ;-) And as for the Green Goblin he has got a Blue flu, i.e., he is wearing blue these days and still the same old idiot, stupid, jungle. Got to know another NB and seems nice and sweet.
I tend to fall asleep to easily cause of the stupid medicines I so hate. Still a lot of work left to be done but somehow things don’t ever just happen to me like it happens to others and makes their life simpler. Anyways don’t really am in the mood for more crap so let me fall into the darkness along with the death of my dreams. Stupid lines just came to my mind. :-P

Aaacccchhhooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!

What an extraordinary day it was? Awesome, mind blowing and rubbish. Today was the mid-semesters (one of those weapons society points at us to see how well or how badly one can crumble and collapse so that the society can jeer and mock at them). I was kind of ok with my preparations, must say it wasn’t as great as it could have been, all the blame goes to me and my lazy bones. :-P
Anyways since we knew that metro won’t be plying for the day one of my friends bought her car to give us a lift till college. It was very considerate of her and we all agreed to it. But my stupid, dumb luck always comes in between my happiness. What happened was something really unexpected. I entered the exam room and took my place and was kind of fine with the questions (must say some of them were expected) and sat with the answer sheets. And within fifteen minutes of bliss and contentment on getting a good question paper, but something seemed to interfere and create a commotion for not just me but the people around me.
How would you feel when while writing the answers, for the first time when you feel you are all prepared and ready to write non-stop and in fact have already started writing the answers when in the middle of nowhere a person starts sneezing? All your concentration seems to be messed up and seems to mingle with the incredible aaaccccccccchhhhoooonnnnnnn!!!!! Rubbish it is, no doubts about it. Anyone would be pissed off because of that (and maybe some where actually pissed off though didn’t seem to voice their annoyance). It feels as if someone should go and stop the nuisance and ask the person to leave the room and just get lost.
But would anyone think of the person who had no fault at it and still kept on sneezing for three hours and that too because she had traveled in an A.C. car??? It’s something which she is not used to but still it wasn’t as if A.C. would have such adverse effect on her that she becomes a topic for others to be laughed and mocked at. People continuously staring at her and she trying her best not to create a mess in the class.
That is exactly what happened to me today. I couldn’t bloody write my paper properly because I was sneezing non-stop in the examination hall. And believe me it feels like shit trying badly to avoid it and yet not being able to do so. I must have sneezed for at least 50 times throughout the day. Fuck man! And because of the stupid shitty cold I couldn’t even concentrate on whatever I was writing. What could have been a good paper has turned out to be a bad paper cause it seems I didn’t even bother to complete my answers and was in a hurry to leave the room since I was not feeling well.
But I should thank all those who had to bear the burden of my sneezes all through the exam-time and didn’t seem to complain about it. Some even took the pains of asking me what was wrong with me. But even I, myself was unable to find an answer to their questions since it definitely wasn’t the first time I had traveled in A.C. car nor has a minor change in the room temperature affected me so much.
So I ran out of the room (after submitting my paper) and go to have a coffee and what the fuck, I am alright after drinking the bloody coffee? All the nautanki had to be inside the exam hall when I was so keen on finishing my paper and not just that was confident I would do pretty well. And here everything goes to shit. Even the Profs must have laughed at me sitting there sneezing for innumerable number of times, creating a kind of commotion in the class. My friend even apologized for bringing me along in the A.C. car and I felt bad for her since she was feeling bad for me. :-( But what is done is done and no one is to be blamed for whatever happened today. I believe everything happens for a reason and even though I am not sure why all this happened with me today, but I seriously believe that there must have been some master plan by the Almighty and I was a part of it all. Oh! How much I hated the day. I know I could have done well but now nothing will come out of nothing. So it’s even useless trying to think about whatever passed today. It’s long gone and has ended already.


By the way my Guardian Angel is much better now and has recovered a lot. Thanks for praying for him. Wish you all great love and luck in life.
I will soon be writing about two of the movies which I had liked a lot. One is a Korean movie- The Classic and another if our very own desi-Bollywood movie -Sawaariyan. I know that the choice of Sawaariyan is a little weird but frankly speaking I had loved the movie and finally I will be writing about it. Till then everyone go ahead and enjoy.

Cheers!!!

My longest post till yet. ;-) [899words]

Why???

So my dear Guardian Angel is hurt and all because of me. Why the hell I have to be so demanding all the times? Why can’t for once I be happy with whatever little I have? Why the hell do I have to ask for more and more from him all the time and pester him with my useless and worthless demands? Because of me he met with an accident and all because of my stupidity. And what’s worse I can’t speak about what I am going through right now and see the heights of my stupidity that I write about it in my blog which anyone can read and even laugh at. But what the hell, I give a damn right now to anyone else. You won’t believe what the hell is going on right my mind? It’s happening to us time and again. These Tuesdays, I don’t know what is wrong with the day. Last week that and today this. Rubbish, idiotic and I feel like running away now. What is going on with me even?
I went to college and believe me I was shaking all through the day, didn’t know how to express myself properly and how well to react to situations? I wanted to laugh but then there wasn’t a smile in my face and when people were making me smile I so badly wanted to cry. Life is all messed up and fucked up right now. I wish my Guardian Angel gets well soon, and very soon that is. Who so ever is reading it right now please pray so that my Guardian Angel gets well soon, please do so. He is the only person in my life for whom I won’t even hesitate to give up my life. I can’t see him in pain and …. Let it be.
Don’t see any reason to smile at all; don’t know what else to do? Don’t know where else I could have gone? I seriously doubt if anyone else would understand me now but I really don’t want people to even understand me. Don’t have to since I have always been bad to people. What the shit am I thinking about? Right now Guardian Angel is my only concern and he should get well soon, anyhow. Please God for once listen to me. Please.

What's going on???

How can you always expect me to be nice and happy to you? How can you expect me to smile at you when you don’t even bother to look at me once? How and why? I still wonder. You must realize the fact that I am a normal human being and even I might want you to be nice to me, to try to make me happy or even just smile at me. I can too want you to be by my side and to be yourself with me. But now I am sure that not two men are alike. The way I am composed, I know you are not and will never be. My patience is something you lack in you and I can’t ask things from you the way you can ask from me. And what more, even after realizing how badly things can hurt at times, I never say no. I know that is foolish and stupid of me, but I can’t help and just be myself. The old complicated me who tries her best to see everyone happy and smile even at her own cost. [This here is for no one specific for sure]

There are times when I do wish I had someone like me in my life. Strange but I seriously wanted someone like me to be my side. And here I stupidly realize that I am always there for myself. I don’t have to go to others for anything when I know I am right here, with me. I me myself. The selfish side in me speaks only at times and most of the times I seem to forget about my own self and think about others. But then I have to keep on reminding myself that I have to come back to my own self and that is why I know myself the best and don’t really care what others have said about me for so long. Nor would I like to listen to what they have to say. I know my friends very well and they know this very well that Tripti can do anything for them. But then Tripti isn’t quite sure if anyone is ready to do anything for her. ;-) Maybe that is why she isn’t herself these days but still she likes to be there always with her buddies. They are her strength and the reason for her being. May her buddies get the best of what life has to offer.

So I shall smile and I smile
Cause you never know why.
Strange as it sounds
I may come back around.
But don’t ask me when or why?

)))...))..).

Some times things come to you without asking and that is what I believe to be is blessing. Hadn’t seen Nature Boy in the morning so thought he was absent so didn’t even cared to look for him. But suddenly there he was and I hadn’t even made an effort to go around and look for him. Anyways he acts as a sweet distraction for me in college. I don’t want to talk to him, he can just be his old self but then when he is front of me I smile and that’s more than I could ask for from anyone. So why ruin something so beautiful and so .... Others say I should talk to him because I mention so much about him in this blog of mine but I am absolutely clueless since I know not what to talk to him about and moreover I prefer things as they are right now.
Anyways the Green Goblin came around looking for me and it was surprising and sweet on his part. Never thought he would do this much for me even. I know that through his ways he tries to say a lot of things but is it ever enough for us human beings? We need more from a person and if we don’t get it then life sucks. ;-)
Again I am taking the other way around and forgot about what I was supposed to say. Came back with her and it had been ages since we have had a decent conversation and finally we got a chance today. I was glad since I had missed her for such a long time now. Maybe she is the only one in college and in my life who knows me more than even myself. And that is why she is a Super-Great Friend (S-G F) :-P wish the best for her now and always.
Nothing much except that I will have a super future and I am quite sure of it. Finally some things happened on time and I hope that everything goes well and I seriously wish that this time things actually go damn well.
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))…..)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))……………………………………………………………………………………)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))).........))))))))))……)))..)).)

Don't know how and why??

I did see you standing there in front of me
You, the other side of me, a part of me.
Many say you are the ugly part of my being
But you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
You, being one with the truest of Nature
How can you not be a splendid figure?
Those blind men shall ever see through us
Those eyes are so blank for both of us
But you have me for sure and it is true
That I am here always with and within you.



Stupid and strange thoughts are up and back. And strange things are happening as well. Anyways some things will have to be the way they were before and all I have to do is be patient and adjust. The lines above are stupid and will make no sense.
Saw Nature Boy today in college, after 5 days, and that idiot can’t even score a goal. Useless creature he is. He is stupid and dumb as well. Anyways Shilly-Shally actually waved at me, now that’s something totally unexpected from someone like him. Then TP and then Yellow Fellow and all of she’s and he’s.

Anyways the trip was awesome and I am back. Smiling and laughing at the seriously committed trivialities of human beings around me and I, myself am, being seriously trivial just to enjoy life to its fullest. :-)

Cheers!!!

It was surely unexpected. Things like that happen all the time but can you imagine talking for the first time ever when we know each other for the past 4 years. It is funny indeed that somehow we always fought and I seriously couldn’t stand him at all. Neither inside class nor outside it and even he knows how badly I had behaved because of the whole lot in school. But fortunately we met last day and surprisingly for the first time ever we had a decent conversation. And believe me I loved every bit of it. We both have changed a hell lot. Oh by the way this he is Raisin (that is not his name for sure ;-) ). Anyways Raisin treated me with an ice-cream, the least I could have expected from anyone. He was so polite (I don’t know how?) but there he was being just his own self whom I had personally never seen before and he surely has become more sharp and sensible and a real man. Surely he has by now seen a hell lot more than I have and I wish him all the best in life. But somehow yesterday’s meeting was so unexpected and sudden and yet so sweet. We have never even listened to each other for 5 seconds and yesterday there we were talking and walking together. Silly and surprising, if I tell Nikki about it she will die of laughing that we two have actually had a conversation. But gosh it feels so good talking to old friends, or should I say age-old enemies? Never did we ever had a fight but I being silly back then tried my best to keep Nikki away from him. He knows it all but still he was standing there talking to me and I was feeling so good after such a long time. Old things are surely the best things of life. And moreover I am keen on knowing more about Raisin and maybe he too but I don’t know whether I should bother him so much or not? Anyways it was nice going back to the old days and recalling how silly and funny we all had been. And Raisin has changed so much but still calls me that bad animal name which he knows irritates me a lot but then chalta hai.
Anyways today is Friendship’s Day and all the Friends out there, no matter how close you are to me or how far you all must have gone my best wishes are always with you.

Cheers to LIFE!!!

So many Stories

The game of Snake and Ladder seems to have come to an end finally. With all the snakes and the ladders used and reused things seem funny the way they will all end in no time. Some one will win and some will have to lose but is everyone ready to accept the truth? To admit that life cannot always be so fair and yet be so fine?
At times everything can get so messed up and the very next moment you realize that life is so beautiful that you would not want it any other way. TP says a lot and does a lot but still I am not ready to accept any of it cause somehow things seem so messed up and yet so simple. My mind is working in so very many directions that I don’t exactly know what else to do with it. And Friendship day is tomorrow and I don’t know whom to celebrate it with. Though A gave me a teddy and P named it BUBALABABOO. Cute name and the bear is all the more cuter. P tried but couldn’t and I insisted but she said she won’t so I couldn’t actually do anything about it. Anyways, sometimes you just have to let things be as they are and see what happens. By the way I love my buddies a lot and they are such sweet hearts, and stay with me and without even knowing me are always there for me and that makes me special and lucky and in a way “BLESSED”. And Jim was a lot happy as finally some things happened the right way. As for TP he was happy and excited and Nik-Nish was happy too and I hope the guys get what they deserve. And as for the sweet gals who bear with me all through the day may they get the best of what life has to offer.
I couldn’t see Nature Boy at all but then there was Shilly-Shally who is next to blah blah types. Rats and Meow had met earlier and had a great time together and will hopefully meet tomorrow, on the Friendship’s Day. About this Rats and Meow I have serious doubts cause I think they will remain friends for life and nothing more than that but even as friends they will do damn well. May they be blessed with happiness.

Why the hell did I just type all that out? I don’t know. Anyways time for some rubbish nonsensical talks…
Once upon a time there was an Ugly Beast that was hated by all except one, the Little Mouse who thought that the Ugly Beast can always save it from the Evil Vultures that hovered over the tower and waited for the Little Mouse prey to come out in order to pounce at it and eat it. But one day the local residents of the Far-above Town thought that the Ugly Beast eats a lot of their trees and harms the economy of the town. And so they decided to kill the Ugly Beast. The Little Mouse came to know about it and fearing that the vultures will kill him after the Ugly Beast dies he fled away from the tower. As for the Ugly Beast, even though it was ugly it loved the tower and the Little Mouse and the local residents of the Far-above Town. It had done a lot for all of them and things which no one else could have done for anyone. But today the Ugly Beast was unable to get up and breathe in the air. It was chilling cold today and the tears were making it hard for him to decipher between the residents and the Evil Vultures. He was dying and was in peace as he knew he loved them all and will love them forever. As for the Little Mouse he went to live with a local resident fearing he would be killed. The Evil Vultures hovered above the tower and the Far-away Town’s economy was back to normal but still there were things which were never the same again. The beautiful town was in ruins after being attacked by the neighboring Lovedale town. And what happens next no one knows.

Would never make sense as it is all nonsense.

Great times...

Finally had a great time in Nicco Park and needed the break badly. And even got hurt in the water shoot when I was trying my best not to get wet anymore though we all got wet for lots of time and stopped counting even. Had a great time for sure.

Then the black clouds seem to crowd upon me as always and I pray so that I get wet and the others stay dry, safe and warm when they don't even deserve to be out with me and I get wet only because of them. Anyways. Good memories should be cherished as long as possible

Some stupid lines by me:

"Kuch nahi kar peoge jaan ke hume

Jahan na badal paoge jaan ke hume

Hum kyun or kaise hai ye kya jaano?

Jaan ke bhi to naa jaan paoge hume"

@@##$$

Have so much to write and so much to share. Feels so weird that someone like me ends up writing so much. Anyways. My Guardian Angel is smiling these days and I smile along with him. Love him for everything. The roads can never ever be clean and with people adding to it all the more it seems like a pool of dirt and mud. Was somehow in a very good mood today and kept on dancing all the way to college. ;-)
Classes were good. God was awesome and didn’t quite kept us waiting but then there were those seconds and minutes which passed away just like that and my stupid watch and others’ watches as well just couldn’t stop. I hate that bit a lot. Then had nothing much to do except that I made people bunk their classes and then was in college for a long time. Then these people, my friends, my junis join me in and we freak out a lot and have a hell lot of fun together when the entire college stares at us and we all give a damn. Had a proper photo session except that everything else was improper. The rains, or rather the drizzle was so soothing and we all loved it. I freaked out after a long time and got to be myself again. Maybe I am coming back and back for good.
I was telling the others today about the day when God and I were about to collide with each other but my luck prevented all of it and how I regret not colliding with God. If only…
I wanted to type so much and had thought this would have been the longest post ever but no more.
!@#%$%^%^#@!^(&()()*$%@#!

Kahin toh...

So finally I am trying my best to get myself back in action. Jim says I shouldn’t waste my time looking pale and gloomy and I guess he is right. So I am trying my best to smile as much as I can. The Guardian Angel is coming back and may he lives forever and ever. And may he get well as soon as possible. And the first She is really tensed and I know she is going through a real bad phase but I really can’t do anything about it and most of the times I seem to make contributions towards making her go insane. I too have messed up everything around me but I don’t know what else to do.
Hey the beads work and now I have self-control and I don’t need to talk a lot with people and I can control everything so well and somehow no matter how things are going I am happy and content. Whatever that was it is weird that I have somehow stopped myself from doing a hell lot of things.
For the past two days I stare at the Nature Boy and I don’t know why or what but man his height is too good. And as for the TP he keeps on saying things which I know not whether to listen to or to forget about? Confusing he is and he confuses me all the more. Keeps on telling about his self but never asks me anything and then complains that I don’t share anything with him. For that one needs to spent time together, and I cannot just share anything and everything with anyone and moreover the beads work and I am now avoiding talking to anyone at all. Great isn’t it? Whatever is going on I don’t know how things will ever work out. And Shilly-Shally seems so busy that can never even says hi instead his friends are far better who at least look and bother to smile or wave a hand. Attitude matters a lot to him perhaps but it’s a big turn off at times. Anyways Nature Boy and TP and Rats and Meow are all entertaining me a lot so I don’t care that much.
There are threats of blasts in the city and who knows what will happen next? But it is irritating just to sit and wait for death. I can’t do that, rather let my loved ones be safe and secure while I go out and hunt for more. What say?

Listening to music and have to go now as life is a tale told by an idiot full of sound and fury signifying nothing……Shakespeare. Great man.

@#$$#@@#$$#@

Silence seems so impractical at times. But then one must get used to it since words seem so futile and hold no importance for the mortals anymore. I love to dance around but these days life seems too difficult and pretentious at the same time that without my Guardian Angel I seem so weak. The bees around me do buzz but only when there is an absolute necessity and mostly for their own purposes. Even I am so selfish that I cannot stand my bees not buzzing onto me and switching off entirely when I need them the most. I know that not all the bees are the same neither would I like to pass my judgments onto them as I love them all and this is for true. But their silence kills me inside and I know not how to make them all buzz to me, to look at me and maybe smile, if not them at least flip their wings for once so that I know that they are there with me. But then maybe I expect a lot out of them all. I should not forget the fact that the bees have a life of their own and if they are inactive towards me then they might just be active for some one else. So I should be content to know the fact that they will at least be responding to some one and be happy with that very someone. I know I am no chief of theirs to be always responded back to everyday but it would have just been nice. There again go my selfish motives when I want the bees just to satisfy my need of someone. But there have been numerous numbers of times when I have entirely given up on myself just to be with the bees for which I have been shouted and yelled at but then I love my bees a lot. I realize the fact that life definitely would have been far better had I had my own ways but that would not had been real. Though things are a lot different now and the only thing which is static these days is change. Indeed Jimmy Porter was surrounded by his bees that did love him and use him but then just to kill him with their silences.

Stupidest lines I might have ever written but then I mean what I mostly write. By the way the promise to crown me the Princess continues and the claim that soon I might just be the Queen seems endless. I don’t really know whether any of it will ever come true but then life has not stopped for anyone of us and everyone has a role to play in the big game where there cannot be any blame for anyone. Some things in life need no justification and so we try and move on with whatever less or more we have. The rhythms of life continue to play whether it is the songs by Hemmish or by Kishore Da it will never stop playing its tunes.

And what more I, out of all, was thinking of writing a story. Had the God listened to my secret wish He would have been, “whoa man”. Hehehe. it’s not an easy job to write a story and interweave emotions into it but then it was just a thought and maybe some day I will write such stories which I would be able to share with the people in general (most of my stories are way to personal). As for the Attractive Young Woman, I guess I should stop interfering with her life and give her space enough to grow stronger by the day. My intentions might always be good but how can I not look at my actions which preceded my intentions and which could have actually hurt the Young Woman. So I try and stay aloof from too many people at the same time. I know Jim says that I have badly complicated my own life and now I realize it that one shouldn’t be so good to everyone as others start to take me for granted and I hate being treated like a piece of nothing.

Everyone pretends to be good and nice when I know nothing is at all going right. She won’t say anything about her dance school nor would he ever say that he’s high on fire. The other she will continue to be the old frustrated herself which actually she is not but then other she is definitely frustrated. As for the last of the she’s, she cannot say a word to anyone as people misinterpret her but then she herself is stupid enough not to realize her age-old mistakes and continues to carry on with them.

College is full of fun and masti these days. It is the old election time and the same old politics stuff which is back in action. But who am I to blame others to play politics just to come to power. Some how it is all justified. And as for the other things in college, soon our early offs will no more be on and I don’t want to even think about it but then it is all inevitable. Boo hoo. :-(

Too much said and done now my fingers pain as I cannot type any of the nonsense anymore.

Dated: 22nd July’o8

The silence between people can kill at times. One thinks the other would appreciate the silence more than what words could ever express but little realizing the fact that the other is talkative and appreciates words more than what silence could have conveyed. And that is where the problem arises where one thinks that the latter would be fine while the other sulks unaware of the fact that silence too can convey one’s feelings. Life is stranger than fiction but more lovely and precious.
And stupid hopes keep on coming back when you so want to do away with them. Because of some drug you get so addicted to saying rubbish that you don’t realize what exactly is wrong with you. These days I am excessively depressed and I cannot simply take it anymore. Life has so many things to show and so many things still go unexplored but still I hope to enjoy it all to the best and till the end.
My message inbox is full…a miracle it seems but at times I too get lucky you see. But people can change color so easily and my thoughts are too random I guess and slowly my eyes close as I haven’t exactly slept for a long time now and these stupid nightmares which some time back people used to have because of me, now I am haunted by them it seems. But then someday everything will just be fine but don’t ask me how.

Some more thoughts

I don’t exactly know how well to face all this? I just can’t seem to face the reality and accept the fucking facts which life offers every time like a slap on my face. Wish life wouldn’t have allowed me to perceive so much. Strange but so true and I can’t seem to face all of it right now and I haven’t felt like this ever and now more than ever seem the right time to enjoy the coldness which life’s enemy has to offer. And what’s worse, life was so easy before and now everything seems to conspire against me and I still have the guts to face life though inwardly I know I will give up pretty soon. Shit.
Today Nature Boy was present and so got to see him but now he isn’t that attractive anymore. And Shilly-Shally looks better than what I had supposed him to be. Today he did turn back but because of my stupid cold I couldn’t talk with him and all through the day I didn’t get to see him at all. Though Nature Boy did make up for all of it. ;-) And then there was a D n J dude whose eyes were not at all visible and we had a good laugh at him and suddenly I was reminded that maybe others laugh at us too. But then moving on…
Had a bad sneezing spell and today the witch was talking to me, which I didn’t enjoy at all. The classes got on to my nerves today and I felt actually like “jumping out of the window.” But the best part was the morning when Rats and Meow were together and others were staring at them when both of them were having a good time together. ;-)
Some thoughts do obviously scare me a lot and I try to avoid them but can never do so. You say you love me but how do I know that love for you is no game when you are so very good at lying and playing games with hearts and I have seen that a hell lot of times? Why should I trust you when you say you will make me a princess when I know that the others won’t allow you to and you would abide by what they have to say and not me? So what should I do and where do I go?
The papers say blogging is a good stress-buster but hell it reminds me of all the things I would not have thought of. I can’t type any more of it and end with a small poem which I was looking for Hugh Jackman, but since I don’t exactly know the guy in person nor does he knows about me so the lines go out for all those people out there for whom I can die and live my life a thousand times.
“If I go away
What would still remain of me?
The ghost within your eyes?
The whisper in your sighs?
You see...Believe
And I'm always there.”
~ by Jon Oliva ~

A DAY

So after all the stupid things a day comes when you think everything will go well. But how is that supposed to happen when you couldn’t sleep through the night and those nightmares kept you awake. And those pains I took to just look my usual self did pay off well. Anyways, as usual I was in two-minds but decided to get my lazy bum up and join in and it was a great day for me. Princess and prince did surround me but I tried not to think much about any of it so I was my usual self, hopefully. Anyways, it was a great day and the break was welcome though now I fear that I missed out on a lot of things.
Went to meet my old school buddy and had a great time with her as well. Then an accidental meeting with someone changed my mood from good to better. Not much to say so let all this be like a sweet memory forever in the heart of hearts.

Just a Thought

So as always I am back to being my stupid self and that is something I hate the most about me. Can’t for once things be as I want them to be? Can’t I ever be selfish and shout at others when I don’t get my way? Why the hell do I have to think so much before I do anything, anything as in I think a lot even before I buy a toothpick or I say something to someone? Had I been an animal, like a cat or a dog I could have been dead by now, some truck would have smashed me and the municipality would have dumped me in the garbage. I guess that would have been far better than what I am going through right now. And the biggest problem of all, I can’t say anything to anyone and still I am writing all of this in the blog?
Whatever. Let’s talk about something better. Better as in what, I don’t even know that. I don’t know what else to actually talk about. Though the song I am listening to right now-"Join me in Death" by H.I.M is pretty good and I am going mad. But even madness is so powerful and gives one so much of energy to do things which otherwise I wouldn’t have dared to do. Akon’s song, "The Sweetest Girl", is also nice though have not heard much of the lyrics but is nice. But Sean Kingston’s “I will take you there” is a perfect song man. Great lyrics and makes me wish that I was there with Sean and the song is like a sweet escape except that as soon as it ends one is hurled back to reality. Songs can very well cheer me up and music is something I really appreciate a lot and the people who give up their life just to leave us all with sweet sounds is just to wonderful and believe me those were some lives worth living for. I myself am a super bad singer nor am I a musician but I guess that I can understand music well and that is what helps me in appreciating the efforts of all.
What the hell did I just type out? I have no idea. Whatever it was, all is said and done and let it be as I delight in wasting other people’s time and people actually have time in reading my crap. People seem to be so nice to me to go through the pain of reading actually nothing. What a great writer, opps… Typist I am.
So once again I am back to my nonsense. Haven’t seen the Nature Boy and that idiot left early and tomorrow is my holiday so would hopefully get to see him on Monday though it hardly matters that much cause after all it is nothing and sooner or later things would change. Ohho the pessimist in me takes a leap again. But who exactly cares? So it is proven I have multiple personalities. Who doesn’t? But I am not at all concerned about anyone except ME. My gosh! I have so many chain of thoughts going on in my mind. As I type all of it out I am thinking whether I should have my dinner or should I skip it a usual? Should I start reading "Lord Jim" or keep it for tomorrow? Then I am chatting with three of my friends and one among them has already gone for dinner, another one is busy talking to his girl friend and the third one thankfully replying to my queries but at the same time obstructing my chain of wonderful thoughts as I try to recollect and type them out. But then everything is fair.
And by the way the witch seems to have cast a spell on all and even the Master of the House seems to have allowed her to pass through the doors of happiness, beauty and absolute bliss which the little girl seems to have banged for ages now. But she isn’t ready to give up as she believes that some fine day luck will be on her side and she will get what she has long deserved from life. But somehow all the effort seems futile since the girl is tired and worn out and needs someone to encourage her. She hopes that for once when she turns around she will be escorted to a new world where there will be happiness which lasts forever and ever. Though she realizes the fact life isn’t all about happiness, it needs barriers too to help us move forward.


Strange thoughts came up and the longest crap I have ever written. Don’t blame me for anything at all…it is just my thoughts.

Life: full of twists and turns...

So again a big bigger biggest embarrassing situation I created for my own self. But its fun you know, and moreover college life is all about passes, misses and chances and one should not miss out on any of it.
Anyways I, along with my friends was meeting the juniors for some work when a very good friend and buddy of mine message me. Being inside the class where one isn’t supposed to be using a cell I tried reading the message in a hurry and guess what happened? What else, apna pappu bana liya maine! :-)
What I got of the message in a hurry was that some tall looking guy is standing in the corridor and I must check the guy out. So I run out of the class to look for the supposed tall guy in the corridor. And interestingly enough I was so excited without any apparent reason that I run about and jump around in the first floor. Maybe because there aren’t enough tall guys in our college and height is a very important criterion for me [should not get into this discussion at all], so I was really really excited to somehow see the guy. Unfortunately the corridor was empty and there wasn’t a single soul lingering about in there. So I furiously turn around, abusing my friend definitely, and I see Nature Boy standing right in front of her class and staring at me. Obviously the way I acted anyone would have stared back at me like that. Little embarrassed me ran to my friend’s class to know what exactly she meant by that stupid sms and then she shouts out, pretty loud in class, that your Nature Boy is standing outside. And to add to my embarrassment my junis too were staring at me maybe thinking this girl is mad. ;-) As for my friends, they were wondering where she vanished in the thin air. I was definitely embarrassed cause that stupid Nature Boy would think all blah blah blah about me when there isn’t anything at all except that he has a great height and man, he is mighty tall. For the other stupid friends of mine they think I have surely fallen for the guy when I haven’t and had it not been for the message I wouldn’t have ran about in the corridors like that. Whatever it was fun and on the advice of my dearest friend I am posting this out though there isn’t much to be said and done about it. But as she rightly said that I will have something more to think about the Nature Boy except his height. ;-)

And what a stupid and sadly depressing day it was for me. Shit yaar. Never ever have I struggled so much with my feelings and now seems more than a right time to give everything up and go to Himalayas and maybe become some kind of a hermit. Maybe only that can bring salvation for me because nothing else seems to work in my favor. And I am mighty strong so till the tide is over I have to hang on to this thin rope of hope that someday somehow everything will be the way I want it to be. Thanks to Mom and Dad for being so supportive when I knew they deserve a hell lot out of me and I just can’t seem to do anything right. Thanks to everyone for I don’t feel miserable now, even though it sucks. Anyways…whether I give a damn or not is none of others concern. :-)

jaane tu ya jaane naa.....

Yet not realize me...

Why the hell do I end up like this? Why can’t I just accept the damn fact and move on? Why the hell am I like this?

Whatever, No matter if I am a doll or sweetie or dum dum or cuchie poo or bubalaboo or princess I am still the old crazy freak whatever. At times I end up with such strange thoughts and that too because of a bunch of self-obsessed hypocritical, stupid narcissists? But still, if there is a thought in my mind I must express it.
So as I saying I end up with such weirdest thoughts that people can very well call me a jerk but who cares? Not me. Why can’t for once people ask are you doing fine? Why can’t they look up to you and just smile? Why cant life be so sweet and yet so beautiful? Am I supposed to play the role of the agony aunt always? Why cant for once people [as in my friends definitely] ask me about myself and my life? But let them think whatever they want to. I am happy as always to be something I never was before. I can never really be like them I guess and in the process stand as rejected and lonely and maybe overlooked and as most of the times taken for granted. But stupid me would never ever learn from my mistakes and repeat them time and again. Strange that such a sensible girl like me ends up being so very full of nonsense that anyone can say anything on her face and all she can do is accept it as reality. Bloody shit. I so badly wish to… can never ever express myself. So why bother. Even the attempt is so useless and worthless. But what the hell finally I am writing all the crap that was stored up in my mind.
At times your friends don’t mean to hurt you but they end up saying things which prick you so badly that you can do nothing about it nor can you tell the person about it. Even when one starts to think too much about others, complications in life begin to creep in and start to kill you from the inside even though you look so damn strong and smart. So many things happen simultaneously inside your stupid head that you can’t really decide what to do and what not to do? You can’t deny the importance and presence of your friends and then you can’t hurt yourself as well. Strange situation but so very complicated at the same time. You think they know you the best and won’t pass their judgments onto you but they do it cause its human nature to do so. And maybe even some time you too had tried to do the same with them. But who knows who’s wrong or right since everyone has feelings and everyone has to live their lives.
What the hell? What did I just type out? I am absolutely clueless. But its fun to write crap and enjoy it at the same time.

So here I stand to entertain you all
And you witness my rise and fall
I smile and I laugh out loud
And you call for me in the crowd
Just to stand by you to tell you
That you are the best thing of all.

The lights that shine bright above me
The eyes which always stay behind me
The cheer and smiles which I cause
The people who never choose to doze off
All and everything seem to embrace
My life and yet not realize me.