Why???

So my dear Guardian Angel is hurt and all because of me. Why the hell I have to be so demanding all the times? Why can’t for once I be happy with whatever little I have? Why the hell do I have to ask for more and more from him all the time and pester him with my useless and worthless demands? Because of me he met with an accident and all because of my stupidity. And what’s worse I can’t speak about what I am going through right now and see the heights of my stupidity that I write about it in my blog which anyone can read and even laugh at. But what the hell, I give a damn right now to anyone else. You won’t believe what the hell is going on right my mind? It’s happening to us time and again. These Tuesdays, I don’t know what is wrong with the day. Last week that and today this. Rubbish, idiotic and I feel like running away now. What is going on with me even?
I went to college and believe me I was shaking all through the day, didn’t know how to express myself properly and how well to react to situations? I wanted to laugh but then there wasn’t a smile in my face and when people were making me smile I so badly wanted to cry. Life is all messed up and fucked up right now. I wish my Guardian Angel gets well soon, and very soon that is. Who so ever is reading it right now please pray so that my Guardian Angel gets well soon, please do so. He is the only person in my life for whom I won’t even hesitate to give up my life. I can’t see him in pain and …. Let it be.
Don’t see any reason to smile at all; don’t know what else to do? Don’t know where else I could have gone? I seriously doubt if anyone else would understand me now but I really don’t want people to even understand me. Don’t have to since I have always been bad to people. What the shit am I thinking about? Right now Guardian Angel is my only concern and he should get well soon, anyhow. Please God for once listen to me. Please.