The Ancient hunger of Post Modernity

I am eagerly waiting for the bloody bell to ring

Can’t take another minute of her post modernity.

The room is full yet the class is so boring.

I want a break; would it be sane to scream?

I want to run with no chances of an escape

And there she goes again about those useless things.

One is copying the last day’s notes

She had bunked, typical of her.

Today she is present with me

But all this torture, isn’t affecting.

The other one sits and pays attention

She seems to have already exam tension

Now and then her pen moves over the page

How can she be so damn attentive?

One is missing, enjoying a holiday

Bloody lucky she is to have escaped

While I sit here in dismay.

The shitty clock seems to have stopped

From US now we are running wild in the Greek Collage

And a bride sitting in front of me

Damn her red sari is so funny.

But then these girls aren’t the cause of my problem

The only one on the dais needs now to step down

When will this class come to its end?

When will I be set free?

When will the vacations start?

And most importantly, when will I get to eat?

Robot n Rajni as Chitti Rules [DOT]

I and my friends were planning a day out for a long time now. We were just waiting for the right film to release so that we can have a great girl’s day out. So finally the one movie which we were waiting for was here. But after listening to the super bad reviews we decided to try something different.

We had thought of going for a Rajnikant movie. Well obviously we were expecting complete nonsense and entertainment, typical Rajni style. We entered the theatre and saw not many people were there. Anyways nothing was going to affect a bunch of girls who just wanted to have a great time.

We all were in our seats, when the lights went out and the trailers started. It wasn’t the ones we would have liked to see, yet we were eagerly waiting for the movie to begin. The credits were now up on the screen when it flashed, presenting Superstar Rajnikant and with that went a loud shriek from our gang. We totally support the man yaar. Just look at him, acting with such a young girl and he is such a craze in South India. This guy must be doing something right for he deserves all the praise and respect from his fans.

I had recently heard that people were actually paying to just see the trailers of Robot. Yes the Robot, which took about three years of time and now, had finally hit the screens.

The storyline of the movie was very simple with a scientist devoting most of his time trying to create a human android robot which he wants to give to the Indian Army to save them from all sorts of trouble. Even after having a girlfriend like Aishwarya, who by the way is looking much better than what she usually does. This Robot, Chitti is an absolute genius. Can sing, dance, cook, fight with the crooks, save the girl, operate [by the way the child-birth scene reminded me of Three Idiots] and what not. He helps Sana [Ash] in her exams, bloody hell she cheats. :P Makes a mosquito to apologize to her. And the best part is when he fights a bunch of crooks and uses his magnetic power and almost looks like a God, when the local villagers start to worship him, it is so funny and cute at the same time.

Like any other movie, here too there was a villain, Danny Denzopa, who had a small yet important role to play. It is only because of Danny that Rajni, the scientist, tries to evoke emotions in Chitti. And successfully because of lightening, Chitti gains emotions and the predictable happens. He falls in love with Sana. After a typical triangle the scientist destroys Chitti. But because of Danny the Robot once again comes back to life, but this time with more power and evil.

It is only after this that the real action of the movie starts. The scenes and graphics used are way better than what we have seen until now in Bollywood. In fact a whole song has used beautiful computer graphics. The action scenes are marvelous, a little stretched out at the end, yet bearable. What makes it more interesting is that even though it is the typical Rajni who is performing yet this touch is missing. It is more robotic than Rajni-sh.

 

The songs, some good, some bad, some unnecessary will keep you going. But A R Rahman could have done a better job with it. Ash’s stylist worked wonders with her. Girl, you should stick with whoever it was who gave you that look in the movie. As for Rajni sir, you were way too good dear absolutely enjoyed the movie. Great work done by everyone of the unit members.

My first movie of Rajnikant was damn fun for me. Sana, my friend was there with us too, so all of us an advantage of teasing her all through the scenes, then cracking the worst of jokes. Shouting and howling whenever Rajni comes in the screen, looking all handsome. I absolutely had a great time there.

Guys I don’t know how many of you will like it, but for me and my friends it was an absolute entertainer and fultoo paisa vasool. :P

Maybe it was the company or the Sana factor, or even the Superstar Rajni factor, it has been a memorable day for all of us. And I have to say this Rajni Rules!!!

\m/

Wisdom lost and found...

I had heard about wisdom and wisdom tooth. Chaiji, my grandmother, would always say that once when we get old and wise, we gain not just wisdom but also wisdom tooth. So it was time for to gain some wisdom and my tooth as well. :-)
I believed that as my tooth was coming out, I was becoming more serious and mature about myself and my life. I thought I would finally have control of my life. But how very wrong I was. "Life is twisted", that is what Akon singing in my ears. And he is so right about it. Anyways back to my wisdom and its tooth.
I know I had a very silly notion about my wisdom tooth, and I believed that I was yet to have my tooth when suddenly one day my jaw started paining and I realized it was actually time for me to gain my wisdom teeth. The Dentist said that there is always a reflex pain, it feels like the tooth is coming out in the lower jaw but actually the tooth is coming out in the upper jaw. And that is what had happened with me. I thought that my lower jaw was paining because of the wisdom tooth, but it was my upper jaw which was actually in pain. So I had to go to the dentist because the pain was driving me nuts and I just couldn't bear it any longer and had to give in.
I visited the Dentist, not my regular doc, but a new one who stays very near to our place and supposedly Dad had heard that he was a good and young doc. [I doubt what youth is supposed to do with a good doc] Anyways that isn't the matter of concern. The Doc gave me a long list of tablets which I hate so much. Never in my entire life, uptil now, have I been forced to take tablets and that too 4 tablets per meal. It is yucky and I, a person who can't swallow the meds, has the worst of times trying to swallow those tablets. Still somehow I have managed it quite well [touch wood] uptil now.
Sunday which is supposed to be a fun day, wasn't a bit of it. It was the day, the doc was supposed to extract my wisdom tooth and even my wisdom. I was scared and a little disappointed a little. I so want to keep my wisdom tooth with me and didn't want to part ways with it. But according to the doc, it would have been wise if I go with the extraction procedure or otherwise I would have a problem for the rest of my life. Even though completely against it, I finally gave in to the wishes of my dad and the doc.
In the morning I was calm and quite, trying my best not to think about the extraction procedure. So I started watching "Kate and Leopold" and realized that I love the movie and can watch it over and over again. Hugh Jackman is just perfect in that movie and more on the movie some other time. After the movie I got ready to go to the doctor, it was time. Mom was to accompawny me, usually dad has always been there with me whenever I need to go to a doc, but today was different. Dad had to take care of some work so I was with mom.
Waiting outside the chamber, I kept messaging my bff and my bf, keeping them both updated with the procedures I was to face in some time. Soon the doc called me in and asked me to open my mouth [when Dentists say so, you are not supposed to take it in any other sense]. He sprayed something funny inside my mouth and gave me two injections. I am never scared of injections but the thought of the needle inside my mouth scared me for a moment. Still I had to go through all of it. After giving the injection, he asked me to wait outside. Sitting outside, watching Krish on Star Gold, I realized that no matter what we want or desire, we get only that which we deserve or which is supposedly good for us.
The doc's call interrupted my thoughts and I was in the scary room again and this time for the actual procedure. I still was against the idea of my wisdom to be extracted away from me. But it had to be done. So the doc, with a very weird looking apparatus started pulling out my tooth and in seconds he asked me to get up from the chair and inserted a cotton inside my mouth. The tooth was actually extracted and I felt a little pain, I wouldn't say that I didn't feel anything  but it wasn't the hard-hitting pain I was expecting and dreading and what is best, it was over so soon.
The doc asked me to take a few precautions, as in eat anything cold and soft for two days and not to speak too much over the phone for the day. :P I was back home with my wisdom tooth with me and three cups of chocolate ice-cream. :D Oh, its been ages since I have had an ice-cream, on second thoughts, my last ice-cream was in Bhubaneshwar. Even my parents would be happy for the day as they wouldn't have to listen to my nonsense for the day. Lucky parents. :D :P
So now I am one wisdom tooth short. But thankfully I didn't lose my wisdom, atleast whatever I had. And infact learnt a few lessons as well. First, when you go to a dentist, don't look at his instruments, they will only scare you. No matter how many people are there around you to support you, you are the only one who has to face the pain, that too all alone. And everyone has a time and space, just that not everything and everyone have their own sweet time and space in this earth. Also, no matter how hard you try not to speak and open your mouth, you will have to whenever you are hungry. :D :P
So even though I have lost one of my wisdom teeth, thankfully I gained some wisdom for a change. ;) I know I am just underestimating myself but its all in good humour. Will miss you my dear wisdom tooth. Thank you for being a part of me and for bearing me and chewing all the junk I have had all this time. You have been a great support for me. Now that you are gone, I am sure the other teeth will miss you too. :) My dearest first wisdom tooth day out. :)

Cause it is all about Love...

What is LOVE???!!!

When can one fall in LOVE???!!!

When is the right time for one to fall in LOVE????

Why one always has to fall in LOVE and not rise in it???

Why we always associate LOVE with a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a random crush???

Why do these feelings of LOVE arise in us???

Why do we feel the need to LOVE someone or something???

Well there is a host of questions we can ask ourselves about LOVE, and each of us will
have our own set of questions about it with our own set of answers which obviously will relate to our perception of this phenomenon known as LOVE.

I don't want to look into the dictionary to get an exact definition of Love. Well I am sure dictionaries too will have their own set of answers. But rather I will speak of what I think of Love and what Love means to me exactly and how I feel in and out of Love over time and how Love has rescued me back all the time. There are so many things about Love which I absolutely Love, but first of them is its definition. I believe Love is the ability to understand magic happen in front of our eyes, its that ability which can make us believe in things we never thought could exist. Love is the like, the ability to appreciate even the things which might appear ugliest to a pair of eyes, but for you, you absolutely love and adore them. Love is the ability to look beyond the things and to look through. "I SEE YOU" [Avatar, 2010] It appears to be simple but its the most complex of things one can ever look for. Love is for one and for all, no caste, sex, religion, age, society or community can stop it. It happens without a notice and it can happen anytime. Cheers to LOVE!!!! <3

I don't exactly remember the time I was born or was crying in the lap of my mother. I don't remember being welcomed at home for the first time. I can't recall how I was given a name or when for the first time I learnt to speak and walk. Nor can I remember how many baby-walkers I have broken or how many times I ran about my house. I can't remember staring at the ceiling fan or shivering in the cold with nothing on me except a blanket which too used to hurt me like hell. I don't remember the worried faces of my parents when they thought I would not survive, nor do I remember how my dad used to run about from doctor to doctor just to make sure he didn't miss out on a chance to keep me alive and breathing. I don't remember my mother sitting beside me, watching me sleep and silently praying to God so that everything will be alright. I just don't remember any of it. I don't remember when my first photograph was taken nor do I remember my first dress or shoes, or my first ride on the scooter or the car, for that matter even the train.  I don't remember what made it all happen, but even before I could realize the wonders of the world, I was in LOVE. Yes, indeed I was in Love with the kind faces around me, making sure I never went hungry or thirsty, or ever felt the cold, or the heat. I was in Love with my parents- Mom and Dad. I don't remember when or how and why, but I was in LOVE with them. My first LOVE!!!

I remember being angry on my parents when I had seen this photo of me in a garden. I used to be so angry on them for keeping me there all alone, what if something would have gone wrong with me... I know that was very silly of me to think like that, but I felt that they can't leave me alone, but in this supposed photo they had. Silly me had little realized back then that obviously they were beside me and that I was never alone. It was just that I Love them so much that what I saw in the photo was just me and not them beside me which made me all the more angrier, after all I Loved them and they can't be so bad to me. It was for the first time perhaps I realized that I was in LOVE. :-)

Memories have been a great source of strength for me. Whenever I feel lonely or I am sad, I look back to those glorious days, to the days when I was carefree and having the best time of my life. It is all a memory now, but I remember smiling at the pigeon which had come to our house, the dog which dad had bought home. I remember loving the tree at the corner of our house which would be like my second home, and its strong branches would be my thorne. Those sweet guavavas which would as if melt inside my mouth, those flowers in and around our garden, those stray dogs which were more like a family to us. I was in LOVE with everything around me. Those streets, those small roofs which I and Dad would climb once a while to set the antennae right. Those long evening walks, the early morning park walks. Those games with friends, those sleepless afternoons, those picnics, those rainy days when I could get wet. I was in LOVE, and as I look back at these days I realize that I still Love them, maybe time has stopped me from doing all these things but it surely hasn't stopped me from loving the best days of my life. I Love it and will always LOVE it... My LOVE

Class-III and I remember having a dream about this certain guy. This was the first time I realized that Love is meant to happen with a person from the oopsite sex as well. This dream made me believe that I was in LOVE with him. It was nice to have a good time with him, play with him, invite him in my birthday parties and just have a good time. Somewhere around Class-IV or V, my seat was changed and I was to sit beside a guy now. He was a really cool friend of mine and once again I thought I was in LOVE with him, hardly giving a thought about the previous guy. But most of all I believed I was in Love with my childhood friend, my first friend. His mom and my mom were best of friends but over time, due to a number of reasons and bad luck we parted our ways. But only after I came to know about his girlfriend in Class-XII, I, for the first time felt my heart break because I believe a part of me always wanted him to be by my side, a part of me, I think, Loves him. And even though I am sorry for not being even a good friend, I am sorry for losing my first Love. This was the chapter of guys for me in my life when this guy enters in the scenario and claims a hell lot of things. But somehow I knew it was all vague and shallow, even though my own sister wanted me to hook up with him, I knew something just wasn't right and so I broke all my contacts with him. This new guy made me realize that LOVE means a hell lot of things to different people and that not everyone thinks like me, so I better be careful.

Tuffy, my hero is my sweetheart and my true Love. Even though I have lost him six years ago, I remember loving him from the very first day. Even though Goldie and Karvy have always been nice to me, but I somehow feel Tuffy was my best friend and my true Love. I will always miss you, but I know someday, somehow we will meet, and the day I will meet you, I will know it is you. LOVE YOU!!!,always. >:D<

I was really scared to enroll myself in a college, I thought I would lose myself there and whatever I have learnt in school will be gone when I am in college, I will pick up habits and attitude which would only lead to my fall. Though when for the first time I entered my college building, I fell in LOVE with it. SXC, I Love you and I miss you a lot.
Here I met a number of guys on whom I had crushes. Amongst them was the Foreigner, Nature Boy, Red shirt, a few other guys whose names I don't know or remember or even want to mention. Nonetheless, they were all crushes and nothing serious ever happened. Thank God for that.

In my second year, my Class-III crush was back in my life. We were watching movies together, hanging out togther, but never talking so much.  But I felt I was in Love. Things were going good until I made them worse. I thought I was in Love, but I was only a problem for him. So my supposed Love ended right there.

It was time for me to move out of college and find a new life for myself. I felt I was all alone when I found someone I could rely on and someone I could love. It was my best buddy, Rohil. He was the most amazing thing that had happened to me after a really long time. He was there in and out, he wouldn't laugh at my stupidities but would always encourage me, would support me and most of all have faith in me. Yes, I was in Love once again. I admired and loved him like small children love those huge teddy bears which we want to have but can't. We would share everything and anything possible on this earth. I would call him my step-mom when he would chide me like a child. And even though we are now so far away from each other, I Loved him, I Love him and will always LOVE him. Miss you so much buddy. Love you.

Love has so many faces and so many meanings. I have loved so many people and so many things over time. For me each form of Love is precious and memorable. And here I am once again in Love. My LOVE for that one guy who has been so patient with me all this while. Its been more than two years now and we are still together[touch wood], this itself tells about the greatness of the guy who has so much patience and courage to still stick around with me. I am a normal human being and my wants and desires I much more simple than me, I just want everything to be perfect, to me my way, the best way. And the sweetest part of this relationship is that even though things are never perfect [according to what I think of perfection], its better than perfection itself. I am so much in Love, and I never ever had thought that I too can be like this. Blushing, smiling, laughing at the silliest jokes possible, sharing, caring, trusting, hoping each day would be something special for each one of us, wishing and praying for the other. Dancing in the room, thinking he is here with me, not singing loudly cause he gets irritated, smiling all the time, thinking that someone is watching me all the time. It is just a great feeling to be with. And this new Love, completely different from what I have felt uptil now. It makes me wonder, hurts me, makes me laugh, makes me go crazy and do things I would have never thought I could have done. In front of him, I am this stupidest, silliest creature imaginable, the child I miss being the most. I laugh and I cry like a Child, I am most pampered by him, I am most loved by him. He knows even the worst part of me and still loves me. And he knows I Love him too. My Loveliest of Loves!!! My dearest Love, it is because of you that the Love I had always looked upto and looked forward to has come so true and alive. I had never thought I could be Loved this way, the way you Love me and the way we shall always Love each other.
And then I Love my friends too, my dear dumb buddies. That doesn't mean that they are not smart, they are the smartest creatures I have known and I feel I am the dumbest around me [in front of some of them atleast]. There is my dear Pallavi, Payal, Ritu, Sharmi, Ajanta, Sonam, Ritika, Amrita, Deep, GG, Pritha, Kunal, Ammu, Samster, Shiby, Jon, Aubhi, Neha and so many more... Love you all guys...

IT IS ALL ABOUT LOVE...

F'day

First day of August was a Sunday, and so it was Friendship Day!!!
One of my friends was planning to give her birthday treat for a long long time. So it was finally decided, obviously with the permission of the others concerned as well, that we would meet up on 1st of August,2010, in CC @ Salt Lake for the treat.
I was pretty excited about this whole thing. It was like we all would not just be celebrating the birthday [belated] of one of our friends, but also that we would be celebrating the first year of our friendship. I was really feeling special about this day and was looking forward to it.
I woke up and saw that it was raining. Wow!!! It was going to be fun. So I was all ready for this day. I called up one of my friends to ask if she is coming or not, to my utter surprise she said her mom wouldn't allow her to go out on a rainy day and moroever she had plans with her other friends for the afternooon. I was like Wow!!! After which I added, "That means I will get to see you only after October". She asked why, so I very sweetly replied, "Cause rains will continue till October, you see".
I was not irritated on the fact that she was going out with her other dearer friends, but with the fact that she didn't tell that one person who had invited her about this stupid excuse of hers. And then putting the blame on her mother. I wish I could say F*ck Off, but I was like, what is the use?
Anyways for the birthday treat only 2 people turned up and the birthday girl herself was very upset. But we tried to cheer her up a lot. And after sometime she was fine again. Thank God for that. What was worst was the fact that even her best friend had ditched her to be with her boyfriend and couldn't even inform. Though we were not much concerned about it and enjoyed the treat thoroughly. After which we went to see The Twilight Saga: New Moon.

Taylor, a.k.a, Jason was awesome and "hotter than Robert, a.k.a., Edward". The movie was good and we were stuffed with food. I was sitting beside a very cute couple, I wouldn't say they were old but they were young as well. Though leaving the age factor behind, since I was wowing and hooting for Taylor, whenever he would take his shirt off or appear on the screen, the uncle sitting beside me tapped on my hand. I thought they might ask about the series or something when he politely asked me, "No boyfriend?"  Thank God there was no light on my face or else they would have seen I blushed. I didn't answer them back but nodded my head sideways to say a no, when aunty added, "Can understand."
I was like, ooooooooooo...
I wish I could have told them about my love life, but then I wasn't going to. They were really cute people and had made my day so sweet and memorable. Even though I was irritated and angry at the start of the day, but now I was enjoying it.
Also as it was Friendship Day, I was expecting a few of my good friends to atleast wish me through a message or something. But fortunately none of them had time, so I got to know how much I was valued in my friend circle.
I remember 6 years back, a night before Friendship's Day I had lost my best friend and I couldn't do anything to save him. I missed him the most that day and I couldn't even tell others about him cause I know people will call me childish or stupid and immature, but to be honest, He was and will always be my BEST FRIEND. Love you, Miss you My Hero. :-) Wish you were here with me. Will always love you and miss you, no matter how far you have gone away from me, you will always be right here with me, in  my mind, my thoughts and in my heart. <3

:-)
At the end of the day... it wasn't a "F"ucked up day, as I had chosen to call it at the very start... But it was a beautiful "F" Day, "F"ull of "F"un, "F"riends, "F"amily and "F"ab memories...

Wednesday!!!

It was a not so good day in university for me.  A Wednesday, the day I was born wasn't going good at all. First it was the shitty overly crowded bus I had to ride in. Then I got a cabin seat, which I don't prefer while travelling in the bus because the women crowd there like anything and don't leave enough space for the others to even breathe in. And then as an icing, they never use a deodrant or wear a perfume. Its so disgusting and you can't do anything about it. So here I was in this horrendous condition where women were pushing each other and stomping on my feet... I had no choice but to sit there and wait for the time I was to get down from the bus. But as my not so good luck was favoring me so very much, the idiotic bus driver was driving at his own leisure, stopping for every damn person on the road, even for those who were least interested to be a part of the crowd inside the bus. It was just irritating, and not just me, there were other passengers in the bus as well who were making good use of their vocal cords by shouting at the conductor and the driver, though it had no effect on either of them.
My one and an half hour journey was becoming a nightmare now cause I was unable to even keep my feet properly over the foot rest as this stupid school girl, on her way for Puja Shopping had occupied that space and no matter how much I was hinting her to shift a little, she didn't even bother to move even an inch. And to add to my miseries, this really sweet looking, though overly healthy aunty got a seat right beside me. I know I shouldn't be cribbing about anything infact but her healthy body was making my sitting more and more uncomfortable, and I was on the verge of falling off my seat. Whenever there was a jerk, this sweet aunty would push me a little harder and then smile. I know it wasn't her fault, but I really couldn't question as to whose fault it really was. So here I was waiting for my joy-ride to come to an end.

But my not so good luck was damn persistent on turning my day into a day full of rubbish and idiotic occurences, when the rains started. Even though I was inside the bus and not getting a free wash out in the rains, the traffic in the roads miraculously increased and there we all were inside a highly slow-driven bus which was badly caught up in traffic jam and it seemed like ages that we had made a progress inside the bus. Finally the bus moved and I reached my stop. I was relieved and in a way happy to be out of the bus and its crowd finally. But as soon as I stepped out of the bus, heavy rains became a new obstacle for me. Thankfully I had my umbrella in my bag so I wasn't going to get wet. Late and a little wet in the rains, I entered the historical institution, Calcutta University.
I was well aware of the fact that I was late for my class. Though I managed running up the stairs and reaching the class when I saw that my friends had failed to keep a seat for me and so I had to sit in the last bench all alone. I was seriously irritated. First the seat in the bus and then here in class. What exactly was God trying to tell me? Or was I over-thinking things? Or it was all just a stupid coincidence? Who knew?
So here I was in the class, at the last bench, sitting with people I have never interacted with. The second class started and this time, just look at the irony of the situation, I was sitting in the first bench, though still without my friends. This time I was sitting with my classmates, atleast I had the privilege of sitting next to those with whom I can interact. Second class ended and we had to hunt down to another classroom for another seat. And this time, I was sitting all alone. No other choice, but had to face it. The fourth class was cancelled off, so decided to go back home. What a relief I felt just thinking about the word Home.
All thanks to my not so good luck, I didn't get any bus and it was pointless waiting there cause all I would have done was to waste time. So I decided to walk down, a walk of fifteen minutes, and from this other stop I would get a direct bus home. So I was walking down and thankfully there was no showers but only a bright sun to accompany me, making me sweat like a pig. I was about to cross the road when I realized that I had missed my bus. "Not again!", I said to myself. But it was of no use. I had to wait and thankfully the next bus came just after five minutes. The bus was crowded so I had given up on the hopes of finding myself a seat there, when the conductor said that in the cabin seat I can get a place. Again the Cabin Seat. I was like, "It is better than nothing".  So I took the seat and was minding my own business when I turned to pay for my ticket and noticed this girl sitting beside me.
I was quite sure that she was a Marwadi, as if that mattered cause we already had so much in common. We both were girls, travelling in the same bus and there is something else which I would rather not mention :P . So this thing [let it create an atmosphere of mystery] got me thinking if I should approach her or not, or should I just skip it. But I just couldn't help myself and asked her directly about it. I was sure of one thing, if she wouldn't like my asking, her very first reply would say so. But to my surprise, she replied very sweetly and nicely and wasn't at all offended by it. So here we were two strangers , sitting side by side, talking about a thing  which we both could relate ourselves with. But unlike the typical Bollywood masala flicks, we were two girls, both straight [atleast I'm sure of myself], talking, sharing information.
She was younger to me, after all she was just in her first year of college life and I am on the verge of finishing my study life [Gosh, I don't even want to think of studies anymore].  So one thing led to another, and I must say she was a real talker. Even at times I would stop, but she would go on and on about things. In a span of about 40-50 minutes, we had dealt with a host of topics in our conversation. And frankly, we had so much in common. The best being a dislike for the typicals. We had a good laugh about it and irrespective of the fact of who was listening to us or not, we both were enjoying our time together. We were so deeply in conversation with each other that she almost forgot that her stop had come. And so when she rushed towards the gate, quickly adding, "It was nice meeting you", all I could reply was "Same here". And she almost jumped out of the bus, when a lady standing in front of us asked me, "Aren't you going to leave as well". She must have assumed that we were good friends and judging by the way we were speaking, mind you in Hindi, she had expected me to get down there as well. But when I told this lady that I would get down near the last stop of the bus, she got a little disappointed [maybe with her assumption] and went towards the end of the bus, in the hope of finding herself a seat.

So this was my Wednesday, 8th of September,2010. A superbly eventful day for me. Not so rewarding but not so bad at the same time. I do remember you sweet girl and our conversation as well. Hoping to catch you soon in more of bus rides of our lives. Till then I hope you have a great time ahead and also Best of Good Luck for your exams dear. Even though I know your first name, I would not metion about it. Its good that you remain this anonymous person whom I met in the bus and had a great time with. It was only after I had met you that I had actually started to enjoy my day, well the rest of the day. Thank you sweet girl. Wish you lots of love and luck in life. And also hoping that sometime soon we cross each others path, the way we had this Wednesday. Take Care and God Bless!!!
:)

Do you see, what I see??!!!

Looking back in time, I can still see myself entering through the green gate of my college building. It was my first day in Kolkata's top college, whose name is enough to make others wonder what special quality one has to have made through the cut. And this year it was going to be special. The college was deemed Autonomous status, a very vital step in the history of the colleges in Kolkata.
I was standing in front of the St.Xavier's College (Autonomous), under Calcutta University, and I was among those lucky few whose names where to be included in the list of being the first ever autonomous batch in the state.

It was indeed a privilege to have been able to be a part of such a great institute. Noone from my family had been able to get through any such good college. I was lucky enough to have been selected in the very first system of merit list and didn't had to face any written examinations or go through the interviews. Xavier's was one of the first colleges to have come up with the merit list system and morover was the first college to announce the name of the students it was ready to accomodate. Since my luck was favouring me I got through even before any of my other friends had. I was so excited and happy, not just for myself but for my family who had done so much for me and all I could do was give them the best I had in me.
I had fallen sick the day the merit-list was supposed to come out. I thought that any of my friends can find it out for me. Even though most of my friends where not in touch with me, things had happened and we had parted our ways even before life had made us stand apart from each other. But Dad was so good to me, he decided to take the car so that I can see the result for myself. I was so glad to have my Dad by my side. He is my lucky charm and I truly believe that. And going through the list, there I was. It was so surprising to see my name on the list and then instead of being happy that very instant I was worried about my friends. I didn't want to be the only one in this new world. But unfortunately none of my other friends had made through the list and I was all alone. I was happy and at the same time a little upset. But I could see Dad was so proud of me. I couldn't find my friends inside the premises of the college that day but saw other people whom I was in no mood to greet. I came back home and told everyone at home. They were all happy and I know proud of me as well. Even though some of my school friends were envious and had spread a lot of rumours, it was the least of my concerns.
As for the first day in college. It was fun  and okay. Though I was hoping that here I might find a good-looking guy to pataofy... I was badly disappointed. Though I wasn't disappointed in finding myself Friends. Among the early ones was Arunima Jha and Pallavi Sinha, both from other departments. And I'm glad that I'm still friends with both of them but Pallavi has become a very important part of my life ever since then.  But more on this friendship later. :-)
The second day we were given a brief introduction to the rules and regulations followed in the college by Father Eton (the then Vice-Principal of Arts n Sc. Dept.) and Father Mathew (the then Principal of SXC). Everyone was in awe of the college and was eagerly waiting for the next step. We were assembled in a class, which unfortunately for us was in fourth floor. It was a hell of a climb for us finding the room. As soon as we entered the room we found ourselves and here I remember calling out a girl's name, and she was Betsy Racheal Vergese, my first friend in the English Dept. We were all sitting staring at each other and looking at the others who were going to be a part of our lives in SXC for the next three years when our Professors entered the room.
I clearly remember the Professors. There was Prof. Betrum da Silva, better known as BD or Bertie Sir, he was our head of the department and a really good-looking professor though he appeared to be really strict and uptight. Then there was Prof. Dr.Chandrani Biswas or CB, she was so sweet and kind and enthusiastic in welcoming us to the college, trying her best to make us understand the pressures involved in being associated with the first time introduced semester system. But it was all fun until she passed us a copy of our syllabus and daily time table. That seriously went above each of our heads. Then came in Prof. Partho Mukherjee or Pm, Prof. Suchandana Banerjee or SB, Prof. Christina Mirza or CM and Prof. Arjun Sengupta or ASG. They were all going to be a part of our three years long journey in SXC. It was all so fresh and exciting and fun.
We all had dreams in our eyes and we all were looking forward to an awesome three years in this institute. There was smiles in all the faces. People were fighting to take up the first benches for themselves, choosing between professors, whom they liked the best and who wasn't so interesting and so on. There were green benches in the back gate which attracted our attention a lot. There were trees in the playground. We got to play as well whenever there was no class or no substitutes for the professors absent.
As I look back to the initial days in SXC, I remember how happy each one of us was and how great it was to be associated with something so great. But secrectly everyone was trying to find their place in the college. Everyone was trying to form their own groups and circles of friends, breaking the ice between the seniors and the professors. Those were the initial good days of SXC.


...more to come
:)

I am so ugly... :)

Yes you are beautiful
And I am not
There are certain things
Which I shouldn't have forgot

When it comes from a person

Who claims to know you the best

You wish, you pray, you hope

One day you will get all the rest.

Thanks for the reminder
And also for making me realize
Also for showing the real world
When I was living in lies 


Its like a pinch which makes me cry
Its the disease which creeps inside
Its like the plague which kills me slowly
Its all that which I didn't like.


Yes, you are more beautiful
And yes I am ugly as a lie.
But spitting the facts on my face
Won't make sure that I will die.


But I will wish that it comes true
And when there will be no me...
Will there be a You?

Ha Ta Sa

For once I thought he would look up and say to me something. But I guess I wasn’t as important as the pile of paper which earned us bread and butter. It was that time of the year when he was very busy and me having holidays in the university had nothing much to look forward to. So I was going out, I was going to do something which would have been a taboo back in India but here in States, no one really cared. Even though I expected Sam would suspect a thing or two but it seemed he hardly cared.

I was wearing my favorite red top which not just made me look good but as Sam used to say before, even sexy :-) I was going to meet Henry once again. It was the third time in a week. I knew not what I wanted more, getting away from Sam or getting closer to Harry. But whatever it was I had made up my mind to enjoy myself completely.

She was going out again today and she was looking very pretty. But I knew not what to say to her. It had been more than a week since we had made love and now it seemed so awkward just to be standing in the same room with her. I was sure Tanu would understand me and my needs at the present hour. It was the busiest month of the year. I had to give a presentation and on this depends my next promotion. I hadn’t told Tanu anything about it yet but I was sure she would understand. This was third year in a row that I couldn’t take her out for vacations. Even though it’s known the amount of hard work and dedication I have to put into to live in such a costly flat and to afford the lifestyle we were now so used to. She was ready to leave and I didn’t even have the time to look up and say anything to her. I knew she was going to meet Kathy, her colleague and now her best friend from the university. Perhaps this was the fourth or fifth time she was going to meet her. I knew I owe her an apology for never being able to accompany her but I know she is a good wife and that she would understand my needs of the hour.

I was getting close to her each day. We were exchanging late night messages and were meeting now for the third time in a week. I knew she had a husband but I wasn’t really bothered about that. What I wanted was to have her below me, to push myself hard to her and to make her scream and moan in pain. I still remember when I had seen her in the campus of our university and the first thing that crossed my mind was who would she be in bed? Now my plans were finally working. It was not that I didn’t care about Kathy but her best friend seemed a better catch to me. I am sure to hit the jackpot the next time we meet for dinner. Let’s see what exactly happens this time. But I will have to make sure that my charm works on her and stays that long that I can feel her and make the wild and passionate love I had always dreamt of.

I didn’t know what I was going to do was right or wrong but I had known that my heart craved for more and that I wanted something more than just to be sitting around and waiting for Sameer to arrive from work and to warm his food. I had thought it was going to be the last time I meet Harry but he was just so nice and sweet to me. He was a true gentleman and I really liked the way he would make me smile trying to crack those silly jokes about random stuff. Kathy had not known anything about this and even I wasn’t really ready to tell her that I was kind of dating her fiancé. But I swore to myself that this is going to be the last time I met Harry this way. As soon as I reached home, as expected Sam wasn’t there and I was in no mood to cook. So I went to my room and closed the door behind me. I wasn’t quite aware of the fact that someone was already in the room.

“Ready or not?” that’s all I could hear and there were a pair of arms holding me so tightly that I could feel myself choke as if. I had never ever seen Sam so excited about anything. He took me in his arms and kissed me so passionately that all my thoughts melted that very instant. He had finally got himself the promotion which was due for three years. I could feel his happiness and I could see after all the hard work and the dedication did pay him well. I was happy for him but I didn’t know why I wasn’t happy about us?

It was the best day of the year I guess. I had my promotion in my hand and the one thing I wanted to do with it was to tell Tanu about it. I was sure she would have understood me and my happiness the best. So I rushed home but she wasn’t there. I guess she and Kathy must be having a good time. But now I was back and I could take care of her. I was patiently waiting for her to return home when I heard the door knob turn and open. She was back and I was so ecstatic that I hugged her badly and I kissed her so passionately that I could feel myself drowning away in that feeling which I thought was lost for sometime now. I was there with my wife celebrating the best day of my life and in her eyes I could see my happiness reflect. I had always known that she would understand me. She was my angel and I suddenly noticed that she was looking so beautiful and was in my favorite red dress.

She was not picking my call or replying to my messages. It got me thinking but I was sure she can’t really be serious when she said that we should end everything here. I was yet to creep under her skin. This cannot be happening with me. I must try and get her back and I will do it tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow seems promising and this time I won’t spare her. I will get all what I want it and no one can stop me now.

I couldn’t understand what had happened then but when he told me that he loves me I was once again in his arms and I knew nothing else. I had my Sameer back and I was happy. That was the best of night we had shared together. We kept on talking till late at night and for the first time I knew he was listening to me. I couldn’t stop myself from telling him everything. The random shopping with Kathy to even my recent fling with Harry. I told him everything and he didn’t seem to mind anything. And I was so happy to finally have him all to myself. It was the best of nights.

Harry, that bugger was after her. I had known it the day I met him and saw those mischievous eyes. But I should have been with her. It was my fault. How could I have missed that I needed to understand too that she might need me?

I cannot forgive that son of a b***h. how dare he come like this and charge me? Kathy, that stupid girl, believed her best friend over me. I wish they all go to hell. Now I need a drink badly and I guess I must call up Martha for a meet.

My dreaming phase!!!

I had a dream so real...it made me smile, and it made me feel, those things which I have always dreamt of and when I close my eyes they still are here... ♥ :)

I had such a sweet dream this evening and I seriously wanted someone to ask about it. Well the first thing I obviously did was to call him up and tell him about it. He listened to it patiently but you know how you still want to talk about something. :D That is exactly how I was feeling and so I came online and found no friend of mine who would ask me about the dream. Even my status [as stated above] was clearly stating the fact that I absolutely loved it but none asked. :(

But I have to share it somehow and what better way than to blog about it so it stays with me forever. :-)

It was around 5’o clock in the evening when while playing with Dodo [my dog] I fell off to sleep and that too on the floor. And then I saw him so clearly in my dream for the first time. It was so shitty real that even when I am thinking about it, it doesn’t feels like all this must have happened to me in a dream. It all still feels so real to me.

So as I was fast asleep I saw he was sitting in our house and smiling so shyly. It was so cute. And then Phoolmani di came up to him and offered him something to drink which he politely accepted and asked for me. I don’t remember where exactly I was standing, because the place from where I entered didn’t seem anything like my house. But since I was eyeing on his moves and was listening intently to whatever he was saying, I smiled as soon as I heard my name and perhaps even blushed a little. I am telling you this was all very real to me and it still is. Then I entered the room and our eyes met and in instant things changed as if. I was all smiling smiling and he was doing the same thing when we both looked up to the door and saw mom enter the room. He was politely answering to all the queries mom had and was smiling shyly as well. I could see it so very clearly and as I recall it now it appears to be so real.

I asked him to come up with me so that I could show him the house and when we got up, I am very sure that it wasn’t my house anymore. Anyways as we were passing from one room to another there came a moment when we were all alone. And it was a chance for me to hug him so tight and it felt as if my whole world can crumble that very instant and it wouldn’t matter at all. I felt that everything I had asked for was with me finally. The hug is still so much on my mind that I can’t believe that it was in my dream. After that I obviously wanted to kiss him and like a perfect angel he denied saying we shouldn’t do things behind the back of our parents. And I made a silly joke that I hope he wasn’t considering on kissing me in front of my parents. :D To this he said that I should stop joking and be serious and understand what exactly he means by that. This not just made me happy but I could also see why I loved him so much and to tell you the truth, my love towards him increased a little bit more. ♥

That is where my dream ended but it was no dream for me. It all stands so very real that I can still feel it. Love u dear. I don’t really know what is there for us in the future but I seriously love my present with you. :-)

Who know's me the best???!!!

Who knows me the best???

A very stupid question to ask but I try and look out for some answers…

Well to begin with, my parents. Do they know me the best? I think not because for the past few years they are busy toiling hard day and night to make my life such a heaven. And I in return am disappointing them with every damn thing possible on earth. I have realized lately that after all I am not a good daughter and that I have hardly ever cared for them. And in return of this I can’t expect them to always keep a track of whatever shit is going on inside my mind. But I wouldn’t say that they don’t try… they do but the problem lies in the fact that I don’t allow them to gain entry into my most inner thought processes. Even though they know me the best amongst all, still they don’t know me yet.

Then it is my elder sister. But I doubt how much she would know about me? Lately we have been so busy with our own personal lives that we hardly share anything with each other. Moreover both have a different set of friends’ circle and don’t perhaps feel the need anymore to share anything with one another. Nonetheless we love each other a lot but just that things have now drifted us apart from each other… :P

Them comes my friends. Well so as to speak I have lots and lots of friends who obviously don’t know much about me. It’s just that people think I am friendly and that I speak a lot so they know me the best. But if they give it a thought what they believe to know of me is only just a bit of what they think I am. :) It is tough to know someone who appears to be so friendly and talkative and so energetic because what lies beneath it might not be the same. Anyways I am not saying anything about myself. What I want to say that even though I have a hell lot of friends, they don’t know me.

Then there are my close pals. I do love them and care for them dearly. Some amongst them even don’t know how much they mean to me, maybe because I don’t want them to know :D Nonetheless these pals of mine are the best gifts on earth. They are all very sweet and caring but even they seem to lack an insight into me. I am definitely not over judging myself and presenting myself as some mysterious being. It’s just that no have has made the efforts lately to know what exactly I want or what I may like for a change. :-)

Rohil, my best buddy… even he has missed out a lot on me lately. After all he is busy with his own career and I can’t blame him for that. And I seriously want him to get the best of what life has to offer, for which the guy is working hard enough and I wish him lots and lots of love and luck. Even though he might not need it from me but buddy you have been a sweet heart. You have stood by me when there was no one around and even though I miss you so very much these days, I really can’t express much. All you need to know is that buddy I miss talking to you.

Then comes the love of my life. Even though he has the link of my blog I doubt how many times he has actually gone through it. Anyways he knows me well enough, and that is for sure. He knows exactly when I have a mood swing and knows how best to deal with it but somehow he has forgotten to know how I am doing or why these days my mood is swinging so much. :-) Well he too has a life which he too has every right to live it to the fullest so how can I expect him to give all the damn attention to me?

So the conclusion from all this is so plain and simple… I have wasted so much of my time typing this out and thinking who knows me the best but never really gave a thought on getting to know others. Strange but it’s the fact that I have been so over indulged with myself that I have completely forgotten about the rest. And now I know not what is best for me, which course of action should I take. And then others come into my life and blame me and laugh at me [which is like so needed…] yet my brains stop to function. This is clearly a sign of a confused soul. But who cares, confusions are part of our own superstitions. We just have to deal with them. Don’t know what exactly should I write more just want to be alone for a while. Just want to be away from everyone and maybe then I will be back to being my own self, not known by others and yet so known… :-)

If...

If there were words greater than my feelings...

If there were actions greater than my thoughts.

I'm sure you would have known how I feel for you

And you would have seen that my love is true...

All I have to say is that I love you :)

Love me when I'm gone

It is indeed difficult to be in a long-distance relationship. And it can get really frustrating and irritating at times that you may not even realize why all of this is happening to you. Maybe all this happens because at times when you feel like hugging that one person who is so special and precious to you, you can't. And at times when you want to talk to him so badly, and you know he is busy somewhere else and you know not of his mood, you can't do anything about it. It isn't easy to be close to someone who is physically so far away from you and you can't even reach out to him anytime and every time you want to. At times you so want him to see those tears in your eyes which others have not and you so want him to listen to your heart beat faster each time you are feeling lonely and you are sad and depressed. But then even he is not around you to realize that you are silently crying inside and the smile you wear on your face is just a mask. And then there is the fear that since he is so far away from you and home, he is all alone and you can't dump all your worries and insecurities on him. Even he has a life to live and you can't always make him listen to you when there are so many things which are still left to be done for him too and he too has every right to live his life his own way.


All this makes you think why did you ever go for a long-distance relationship. Maybe because there was no one worth you, around you, who would have understood you and stood by you, and that when you needed someone there was no one to make you feel so special as he had always done for you.


Its the magic when you look at your inbox and see his messages, even just saying a simple 'Hie' or that he is busy and will talk a little later. There's a big smile on your face just when you see his name flash on your cell phone and whenever you think of the late night conversations you had with him. All this makes you realize that he is indeed special and that he is yours. It feels great when he calls just to say that he is busy and won't be able to talk for a while or will not be able to attend your calls... they just show that somewhere back in his mind he was thinking of you even though was in the midst of all the chaos and all the engagements couldn't keep him away from thinking about you.


That is when you feel that even though there are those tough phases in your relationship you can't afford to overlook those phases when you can just laugh your heart out with him and feel special and precious whenever he is around you even though he is miles away. You feel that for a change there is someone out there who cares for you and no matter how far away he is, you know somehow that he is the one for you and you are totally committed to him. That is when you look forward to a bright future where you hope and dream and wish and pray for things far better than how they are currently going on...

No sweet escapes...

Without this and that I was mighty happy
There was no latent desire and no pain, you see.
Since I had learnt the strategy for my survival
Had learnt to keep shut when there was no need.

But when there are those killer headaches

And those pain killers make no efforts or any delays,

I feel like running away from everything

And it gets worse when I realize I have no say.

And then it happens, it was so uncalled for
That I burst out and displayed those feelings inside of me.
This wasn't the way it was supposed to be
This wasn't exactly what I wanted to see in me.


And then all this happened
Making me realize how big a mistake I had committed
All the things I hate revolving around me
And yet I am so quite and so under-rated.


Perhaps that is how my life was meant to be,
To scream and shout and yet be so quite.
The new tasks that I face each day
Remind me that there are no sweet escapes...

Love or curse???

I wish to say a thousand words,


I wish someday the curse would work...


I wish I didn't had to face the love


And yet I wish I was always loved

If you ask me...

If only the world would have known

If only I would have shown

There wouldn't have been any If's anymore

There wouldn't have been a me so alone...

I can still feel it...

As the day passes by
And the night crawls in
I hear us in the corner together
I can feel it in my skin.

When the darkness hides us within
I hear screams, I hear them more
I can see you coming upto me
And hear your name over and over.

I can feel the touch, I do feel it
We are togther as one, I can see it
Nothing can stop me from feeling this feeling with you
The smell of your skin still lingering on me.

I want you irrespective of day or night
I can feel you around me, over and aside
I feel your flesh, I can even feel its pain
I can feel it all, want to feel it again?

**Missing you**

If only you had known my thoughts


You would have known all that I've got


If only you stood right in front of me

You would have been able to see


Just how much I miss your hands in mine


And that sweet smile so divine


Miss you more than mere words could ever express


Miss you more and more, I don't care about the rest!!!

Full of me!!!

I simply hate it when I don’t have good pictures of mine. It seems as if I’m not meant to have good pictures at all. And by the way photography is one of my many hobbies these past few days. I like clicking human figures but somehow my interest isn’t in their faces but the actions they indulge in. Nature is good subject for photography but it seems I have lately lost interest in it. Don’t know why but things aren’t the same anymore. Even I am not the same I guess…

Listening to non-stop music is another of my many hobbies. I can listen to music all day long. Even though my ear drums pain with human voice when strained, it seems so sweet when it strains in a melody. At times I prefer listening out to songs than to others. Somehow the need to listen and to be heard is gone from me. But still at least I listen to someone… strange yet I can understand all of it so very well.

Writing has become another of my hobbies. I agree I’m not a great writer for sure, but it gives me a lot of pleasure these days. I can pen down or even type down my feelings. And what’s best about it is the fact I don’t have to strain my voice anymore to anyone. And I don’t have to worry about the fact that anyone’s listening to what I am saying or not. Cause I don’t want anyone to hear me out anymore. And another benefit about writing, I can listen to music and write things down as and when I feel like and about things I wish. So writing and listening goes side by side for me.

Dancing has been my long time hobby. But these days I don’t dance anymore. The need to dance and express myself is gone somehow. But yes I do miss dancing a lot. It was great back in the good old days when I used to dance every now and then and wouldn’t give a damn to others. I want those days to be back. I want to dance again and this time with someone special, with someone who can move a leg with me and sway into the music. It might sound erotic but it’s my wish to dance with someone very special. I am waiting for that day to happen to me. Hopefully it comes real soon.

Reading was my hobby a few days back. But I have lost interest in reading. Maybe because it gives false hope to my sweet little heart. Realism is required for survival. Romance has to be kept away for a while… there is romance and those special moments too but …. Oh well, let all that be with me ;-)



At present I can’t recall any of my other hobbies. :P :D But for sure it’s great fun to be me… with all the confusions and worthless tensions and crap thoughts… it’s all fun… great fun







Cheers to me!!!!

Only a wish to Love u the best!!!

Song : Three Words
Artiste: Cheryl Cole ft. Will.i.am


I met a guy at the club

I let him know I'm in love

I met a girl at the bar
I let her know who you are
I told her you are a love of my life and
One day you gonna be my wife and
We are gonna have some babie together


I told him you are a man of my dreams
You saved me from drowning in the streams
I know we're really gonna last forever and ever


It was those, 3 words that saved my life
It wasn't complicated
Wasn't pre-meditated
It wasn't under-rated

Boy I'm so glad you stayed and
It was those 3 words saved my life
It wasn't complicated
Wasn't pre-meditated
To you I'm dedicated

Let's go ahead and say it


I love you 
I love you

You are the love of my life my life
I love you 
I love you

You are the love of my life my life

You know you're holdin my heart
Can't nothin' tear us apart
You know I'm so in love with you

Can't nothin tear us apart no


I said I L-O-V-E Y-O-U
I'm so into you girl
She said M-E T-O-O

It's obvious I'm so into you boy
So why don't we ( we ) hold ( hold ) on ( on ) for ( to ) love
Through the ups and downs never let go

Holdin' on forever never let go



It all started with 3 words, saved my life
It wasn't complicated
It wasn't complicated
It wasn't complicated
It wasn't complicated
Baby those 3 words saved my life


I love you 
I love you
You are the love of my life my life
I love you 
I love you
You are the love of my life my life

I wish only if these words reach the right person and he understands it...
Everytime I listen to this song I don't know why I feel so lonely and yet I feel something complete inside of me...