Who knows me the best???
A very stupid question to ask but I try and look out for some answers…
Well to begin with, my parents. Do they know me the best? I think not because for the past few years they are busy toiling hard day and night to make my life such a heaven. And I in return am disappointing them with every damn thing possible on earth. I have realized lately that after all I am not a good daughter and that I have hardly ever cared for them. And in return of this I can’t expect them to always keep a track of whatever shit is going on inside my mind. But I wouldn’t say that they don’t try… they do but the problem lies in the fact that I don’t allow them to gain entry into my most inner thought processes. Even though they know me the best amongst all, still they don’t know me yet.
Then it is my elder sister. But I doubt how much she would know about me? Lately we have been so busy with our own personal lives that we hardly share anything with each other. Moreover both have a different set of friends’ circle and don’t perhaps feel the need anymore to share anything with one another. Nonetheless we love each other a lot but just that things have now drifted us apart from each other… :P
Them comes my friends. Well so as to speak I have lots and lots of friends who obviously don’t know much about me. It’s just that people think I am friendly and that I speak a lot so they know me the best. But if they give it a thought what they believe to know of me is only just a bit of what they think I am. :) It is tough to know someone who appears to be so friendly and talkative and so energetic because what lies beneath it might not be the same. Anyways I am not saying anything about myself. What I want to say that even though I have a hell lot of friends, they don’t know me.
Then there are my close pals. I do love them and care for them dearly. Some amongst them even don’t know how much they mean to me, maybe because I don’t want them to know :D Nonetheless these pals of mine are the best gifts on earth. They are all very sweet and caring but even they seem to lack an insight into me. I am definitely not over judging myself and presenting myself as some mysterious being. It’s just that no have has made the efforts lately to know what exactly I want or what I may like for a change. :-)
Rohil, my best buddy… even he has missed out a lot on me lately. After all he is busy with his own career and I can’t blame him for that. And I seriously want him to get the best of what life has to offer, for which the guy is working hard enough and I wish him lots and lots of love and luck. Even though he might not need it from me but buddy you have been a sweet heart. You have stood by me when there was no one around and even though I miss you so very much these days, I really can’t express much. All you need to know is that buddy I miss talking to you.
Then comes the love of my life. Even though he has the link of my blog I doubt how many times he has actually gone through it. Anyways he knows me well enough, and that is for sure. He knows exactly when I have a mood swing and knows how best to deal with it but somehow he has forgotten to know how I am doing or why these days my mood is swinging so much. :-) Well he too has a life which he too has every right to live it to the fullest so how can I expect him to give all the damn attention to me?
So the conclusion from all this is so plain and simple… I have wasted so much of my time typing this out and thinking who knows me the best but never really gave a thought on getting to know others. Strange but it’s the fact that I have been so over indulged with myself that I have completely forgotten about the rest. And now I know not what is best for me, which course of action should I take. And then others come into my life and blame me and laugh at me [which is like so needed…] yet my brains stop to function. This is clearly a sign of a confused soul. But who cares, confusions are part of our own superstitions. We just have to deal with them. Don’t know what exactly should I write more just want to be alone for a while. Just want to be away from everyone and maybe then I will be back to being my own self, not known by others and yet so known… :-)
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