Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Alone... once again

I don't know how and when and most importantly why this happens with me. May be this is just the inner thinking of my mind. But then no matter what it is, it is a part of me. And once again I feel that I am all alone.

Such a feeling I would never get before. Because I was always occupied with thoughts about my friends. Even though I was in trouble, I ensure to give the best of me and my company to my friends, never making them feel alone. But look at where it landed me. I am alone once again with no one to look back at, no one to hold my hands and to make me feel like their own. Once again I am left to dwell for myself.

I remember, my sister always told me that this loneliness is self imposed by me because I cannot share myself with anyone. Well I feel some of it is definitely true. No matter how friendly I can be with the people around me, I somehow just cannot share myself with everyone and anyone. And yes when I do somehow or the other, I am disappointed. Because it is my luck to get hurt from every hand I hold, because the other hand only reaches out when it needs help, not when I need company. Nonetheless, I am not sure if I am making any sense or not. But I am not liking this feeling at all.

I had this feeling. It is irritating as well. It is as if ...

Lost my words

Anyways, my feelings, I have to deal with them.

Maybe someday I will finish this post.

For now, goodbye and take care my dear. Stay Strong... always!!!!

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

My Best Friend...

And suddenly I was reminded of those million memories which made me laugh and which made me happy.

I have had so many friends but then it is hard to define who a friend really is. Is a friend always supposed to be by your side during your bad days or even in your good days? Should a friend be always responsible to bring a smile on your face or also to wipe the tears which no one else could see?

For me friends have had so many faces and so many names. Over the years I have been lucky enough to have had the privilege to know the many faces of human nature. And one among the best is the face of a Friend. We humans have the tendency to be friends not by nature but by need. But then even in the need, when we can see a friendly face, when we know there is someone who will look out for me, then heart melts and that is what friends do.

So many names, so many laughing faces have I witnessed, and today I miss one true friend. It is not that I never had a friend to share myself with, it is just that the priorities have changed and I no longer have any of them beside me.

But my one true Best Friend, somehow He has managed to stay with me all this while. Be it good days or bad, happy days or sad, all my mood swings, He has been there and I am grateful to Him.

Frankly speaking we have never met, but I have seen Him in so many faces, I have felt His touch in so many of those friendly handshakes and I have known He is there with me, with so many friendly eyes which looked towards me. All I wish was, He was here with me, so that I have someone to fight with, someone I can call my own and someone who calls me His own. I wish He was here to hug me tight every time I have doubts about myself. I know if He would have been here, He would have always encouraged me to move forward, to love the life I live. And today somehow, I feel I miss Yet, I miss Him somehow today. I somehow even seem to cry a bit, realizing the fact how much have I lost over the years. But then I am lucky enough because I have mot lost His Love, His Friendship, His Care.

To the day we meet again. My dear Best Friend, please take care!

Friday, May 8, 2015

Life... my understanding

Life. So many things pop up in the head, just listening to this very word - LIFE. Each one of us perceive our Life our own way. We live our Life, curse it, love it, hate it, but then this Life, does it always love us back? Is Life always fair? Is there nothing Life can do to make things right?

So many questions go unanswered about Life and yet each night we go off to sleep expecting that Life would be with us and would take care of us, so that we are able to see the light next morning. That is Life. Sometimes happy, at times gloomy, sometimes good, sometimes not so good. But it is our Life.

My understanding of Life may well be a little different and yet exactly the same way others perceive of it.

Well I have seen Life happening to me and to others around me. It has been quite sometime that I have walked on this earth and I realized that Life has been not so fair after all. But then who am I to judge. All I am supposed to do is accept the challenge, smile at Life and go on head first.

This head has indeed created so many complications in life. Life tries to keep things simple, but our heads - the over-thinking, over-powering heads, will always end up complicating it. We smile, but why we smile, why we should not smile, should there be a valid reason to smile, etc etc etc. So many things our head will perceive of for just a small innocent smile. And then life is complicated once again.

Life has been good to me and at times not so good. I have had my share of complaints with my life as well. And have got them resolved too. Life is at times funny, makes you realize things the most weirdest of ways.

I remember, long back when Orkut was a major social website, I had this community called - WEIRDS. That is exactly what my thoughts are on Life - Weird.

But I have also realized one thing, no matter what Life offers - good or bad, happy or sad, wrong or right, at the end of the day, it looks out for you, it helps you and it stays with you as long as it can. And then the mere end of Life seems so pointless because Life gave you the chance you wish you never had to let go off. But then did you do justice to the Life you have been a part of for such a long time? Have you truly understood the value of Life, of living? Or is it just that you were too busy doing other things that when Life happened to you, you had no idea?

So many questions, one single answer - Life.

To those million memories Life has bestowed upon me, to the million times, Life gave up on me and then everything recovered. Life you have been a true companion, no complaints [well for now]. But I know even if we have any complaints in future, you will make up for it, I will make my peace  with you, when the time comes. Till then help me live you the best way I can. Help me so that I can grow and know, the truth about time, about life and most importantly about myself.

Life is full of surprises and I am waiting for one.

Surprise me my dear and it should better be a pleasant one. And on second thoughts - ensure that as long as you are here, I am good.

Love you my LIFE.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

And then somehow...

And then somehow I always end up spending so much. I realize I need to make some savings, yet it seems like I am unable to do that somehow. But then what will money do if I myself am not happy.

I am missing home now. It has been so long I have slept on my bed and rested my head properly. I miss DJ and Dodo as well. Just want to be around them and to feel the comfort and warmth of being at home.

Till that time let me wait and watch and also have to keep my expenses in check.

Thank you Bhagwanji for always looking out for me. Love you lots and lots.

I am just waiting to reach home.

Friday, March 6, 2015

A Letter to HOME:

Dear HOME,

I know it is strange that I am writing to you suddenly out of the blue, that I never even bothered to remember you all this while and I realize a letter will never make up for any of it. But I miss you. I know it is hard for you to disgest, considering the fact that I was the one who wanted to run away from you. But yes, I do miss you.

I don't exactly remember my first steps or the first day I came home. But I do remember the many smiling faces I saw. I remember I was never scared because you were there to protect me, I feel secured when I was home. I wouldn't bother if things were going right or wrong as long as I was in my home.

You stood by me day in and day out. No matter what the weather or season, no matter what my mood be, you were always there for me, standing tall, and always keeping your arms wide open, as if reaching out to me, to protect me from the evils around and just to comfort me. I miss you my home. I am sorry for not having said all this to you earlier. I wish I could once again be there with you and enjoy the comforts you have always so generously offered to me.

But now I am away. I ran away fearing an end would befall upon me. I was scared of my own thoughts and so I ran away. But I miss you my home and I shall always do so. There can never be anything as comforting and as wonderful as you. You will always be missed. I wish I could hug you once again and I don't know why, but I am missing you way too much.

To the day our paths cross again, till then take good care of yourself.

Miss you.

Yours loving,

Friday, February 6, 2015


This entry comes at a very weird juncture of my life. Well to begin with, staying in a PG, all alone, away from family and friends, away from the known faces and places, I thought HELP would be always on the way. But human beings are so damn weird, I must admit. It seems strange how people react when others ask for help, but when they themselves are in need of Help, they act all selfish and only care for themselves. That is exactly what happened with me and I would like to narrate a bit of it today, just wanted to share it.

To being with, in Bangalore, I have joined this company which seems nice, a little or should I add a lot different that what my previous company was. And so I got a chance to get to know some new people, some new faces, I made friends with and some who will always remain a colleague. Not naming anyone, I would once again give a nickname for this one particular person - DANDRUFF. No matter how much you try and shu her away, she will come back. I remember naming the same thing to a girl back in college, but I guess you meet such creeps every now and then.

So what exactly happened, this Dandruff is friendly the very first day. She will smile and speak her mind out, but then if you dare speak with anyone else, she will be all irritated and cranky. She has a weird habit of speaking to herself when people are around her. So this day, she says that others find her scary and stuff, all stupid assumptions she has in her petty mind. So i tried to help her and let her know that we have no such hard feelings for her and instead she came onto me and started shouting at me as if I am the one who has filled everyone's head with such thoughts. I got so very pissed off. It was never my intention to hurt her or something, rather all I tried doing was help her to understand others in a much better way. But my luck, I tried helping and instead I got the heat.

Basically what I learnt from such an experience is that help only your self and no one else. Help thyself and look for none.

A lesson learnt is anyday better than a lesson forgotten