Friday, October 3, 2014

Between me and Her

And in those eyes
I saw the rage
She had against me
Her anger sparkled
Those eyes spoke as if
She wanted me to break down
Wanted me to let go
In those eyes
She reflected my strength
I never knew I had.
In those eyes
She had the anger
and the warmth
They warned me
and yet they promised me of love.
In Her eyes
I saw it all
And then I saw Her smile
The calm, peaceful smile
The purity in Her smile
The innocence in Her
As if were all mine.
In those eyes
I felt inspired
I felt alive
I felt I could breathe again.
In those eyes
I saw myself
I saw Her
And no one knew that She
Only looked at me.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Is this it?

For quite some time now I had wanted to write something but I don’t exactly know why but I stopped myself every time. Maybe because I didn’t want to hurt myself anymore. But today I want to speak; I want myself to hear me out. I don’t want to avoid this feeling; I just want to speak up.

When we love someone or when we assume that we love someone, what can be our limits of that love or likeness? Well this is no distance and time question that we can measure it but I am sure there must be some boundaries, some limits where we should know that it is time for us to stop. I don’t seriously know what I am made of because I seem to love and like a hell lot of things and people around me and believe it or not I end up doing so much that I don’t even realize that I should have stopped. I give people the opportunity to take me for granted because by then they know that no matter what this stupid silly girl will be with them.  

I don’t know but why I always get hurt. Am I supposed to be selfish when it comes to loving someone or liking a person? Strangely enough I never followed any such rules in life and I got hit, bad and that too every time. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I just go to office work, think of my stats, come back home and worry about my family and that is all I have left for me.

I don’t exactly know whether there will be an end to this trend I follow since the day I gained consciousness. But I got to be stronger and smarter now. It shouldn’t be the mantra of my entire life. Because then I would absolutely go bonkers. Wow… The word “bonkers” used it after a long time and believe it bought a smile, it sounds silly yet so me. I am bonkers most of the times but I want a happy ending for a change. I cannot always hide from what I feel inside. I feel like that character in ‘(by Danielle Steele) who dies, she is a writer, not the protagonist, but the late wife of the male lead whom he knows and yet he accepts that there was a part of her he could never reach out to, a part she kept to herself no matter how much she loved him, she hid that part away from him. Was it her dark side or was it a part of her who believed in loving others and did mistakes one after the other? Was it a part of her she was ashamed of because she was vulnerable or was she too proud to show that part which once fell?

Well frankly speaking I have to read the book again but somehow I feel that there can be no one person who will know and understand the complete me. This doesn’t mean I am some alien, I just am different. Hopefully someone someday will realize it and maybe things will be a lot different then.

#Hopeful #Thank #You #Bhagwanji #for #everything

And I wish...

I wish I was a story
A simple beginning
A little twisted middle
But with a happy ending.
A story told by many
Heard by so many more
And yet a story
Lived only by one, me.
A beautiful tale of love and sacrifice
Or a tale of long lost love
But love it would be
The theme of my story
If only I was a love story.

But then I also wish
If I was just a pet dog
Loved by many
Feed by my master
No worries of money
No tensions no stress to take
Sit on the lap of my loved ones
Play with the ones who care
Get treats every now and then
Howling and barking every now and then
And die a healthy death
Or be alone to feed for myself.

O how I wish I was not a human
With these feelings and emotions
The pain the hurt
The troubles to take care of
And to smile no matter what
To hide the sadness
To be happy every now and then
To get hurt and bleed
To fall in love and fall some more
To chase things unnecessary
To forget the reason of existence
If only I was not a human
But a thing used by them?

I would have been valued more….

Monday, April 28, 2014

An encounter with myself...

While sipping through the cup of life
I look up to the mirror only to fid
A shadow of something which used to be mine
The dark eyes stare back at me
The cold hands catch me shivering
And Oh! I have forgotten what used to be mine.

The clock tickles, I can see it
Time doesn't move, I can feel it
Still I stumble over only to find
I just cannot see anymore what used to be mine
I can only make out the outline of a smile
My legs are tired, did they just run a mile?
Heartbeats echo throughout the room
It's fun to see how much it can beat just before it is bout to die
I stare back at the mirror, this body is still mine.

I had written this on 17th Nov 2012, my Chaiji's birthday. I donot remember the exact reason as to why I had suddenly written such a weird poem, yet I found it in my old cell phone so thought of posting. No changes have been made to the original piece. Miss you Chaiji always.

Thank You Bhagwanji for everything.

Sunday, April 27, 2014


I am sure a few have come across this name Chasmish in many of my blogs. Well nothing great, Chasmish is this really smart looking guy in office I used to have a crush on and no more. But for me to elaborate more on it you have to read on.

From the very first day I entered this office of mine, I have seen Chasmish and believe me he has always brought a smile on my face even though he is least aware of that. I have always admired tall guys who are good looking, but Chasmish has managed to sustain my interest until only recently when tragedy befell on me. But before that I would like to talk about him a bit. He is like the sweet nothings we smile at sometimes. It was only after I completed my 2 years in the office that I came to know of his name and unfortunately his religion too. Even though it shouldn't matter as he is just an innocent crush of mine but then if ever I thought I could have a future with him, all my dreams ended right there. But still I really like whenever I get to see him in office. He has, unknowingly been a great source of strength and happiness for me. Well what more to say, I have seen him picking his nose and believe it or not, I found him cute doing that even. Strange isn't it? Yet I have a sweet liking towards him.

Once he opened the door for me, once I screamed Chasmish across the corridor, no matter how many times my eyes followed him and we have crossed each others path. I know he would have hardly noticed me, first because I guess I am not that great looking, also because I always suspect he has a girlfriend. Yet I have this insanely huge crush on him. And I have already seen him in my dreams for in total 3 times, counting the most recent one I woke up to today.

I saw him approaching me and we had a sweet little conversation and then he kind of asked me out. And obviously I said a yes. We even went on a date and I remember staring at his beautiful eyes through his specs and I remember feeling shy in front of him and his such an adorable smile which belonged all to me. I wish the dream would have gone on for like forever. But rather it woke me up and I smiled to myself just imagining Chashmish near me.

So determined I look for him and all my suspicions were true. He is into a relationship and I pray that it is a happy and a healthy one. I want him to find the true love he deserves. But I am sad. Maybe he will never know I exist. He will never know how much he is admired but I guess that is for my own good. Any ways with the weird reputation I have these days, it is best that he stays in the dark. But I know he knows that I kinda like him. But I am disappointed. I seriously don't know what I want. But yes I want Chashmish to be happy with his love. And also I guess I want to know him and be friends with him if possible. Lets see if that ever happens. Chashmish, you bugger, why?!?!?!?!

Still buddy thanks for everything. You are always admired and adored. Take Care my dear and be good to your loved ones.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

And Then...

I have so much to do
But so less of strength
I want to move ahead
But I know it now and then
The many hurdles I need to cross
The many lives I need to touch
Much to do
And time haunts me
They laugh and make me a joke
They point fingers at me
And I wish if only

And then I have this life
Or the life has me?
Lots is left to be covered
Lots need to be finished
And then I realize
It is not only me
Nothing to trust
Nothing to believe
And yet I still say
If only...