Wednesday, April 15, 2015

And then somehow...

And then somehow I always end up spending so much. I realize I need to make some savings, yet it seems like I am unable to do that somehow. But then what will money do if I myself am not happy.

I am missing home now. It has been so long I have slept on my bed and rested my head properly. I miss DJ and Dodo as well. Just want to be around them and to feel the comfort and warmth of being at home.

Till that time let me wait and watch and also have to keep my expenses in check.

Thank you Bhagwanji for always looking out for me. Love you lots and lots.

I am just waiting to reach home.


Friday, March 6, 2015

A Letter to HOME:

Dear HOME,

I know it is strange that I am writing to you suddenly out of the blue, that I never even bothered to remember you all this while and I realize a letter will never make up for any of it. But I miss you. I know it is hard for you to disgest, considering the fact that I was the one who wanted to run away from you. But yes, I do miss you.

I don't exactly remember my first steps or the first day I came home. But I do remember the many smiling faces I saw. I remember I was never scared because you were there to protect me, I feel secured when I was home. I wouldn't bother if things were going right or wrong as long as I was in my home.

You stood by me day in and day out. No matter what the weather or season, no matter what my mood be, you were always there for me, standing tall, and always keeping your arms wide open, as if reaching out to me, to protect me from the evils around and just to comfort me. I miss you my home. I am sorry for not having said all this to you earlier. I wish I could once again be there with you and enjoy the comforts you have always so generously offered to me.

But now I am away. I ran away fearing an end would befall upon me. I was scared of my own thoughts and so I ran away. But I miss you my home and I shall always do so. There can never be anything as comforting and as wonderful as you. You will always be missed. I wish I could hug you once again and I don't know why, but I am missing you way too much.

To the day our paths cross again, till then take good care of yourself.

Miss you.

Yours loving,
Me.

Friday, February 6, 2015

HELP THY NEIGHBORS?!?!??!

This entry comes at a very weird juncture of my life. Well to begin with, staying in a PG, all alone, away from family and friends, away from the known faces and places, I thought HELP would be always on the way. But human beings are so damn weird, I must admit. It seems strange how people react when others ask for help, but when they themselves are in need of Help, they act all selfish and only care for themselves. That is exactly what happened with me and I would like to narrate a bit of it today, just wanted to share it.

To being with, in Bangalore, I have joined this company which seems nice, a little or should I add a lot different that what my previous company was. And so I got a chance to get to know some new people, some new faces, I made friends with and some who will always remain a colleague. Not naming anyone, I would once again give a nickname for this one particular person - DANDRUFF. No matter how much you try and shu her away, she will come back. I remember naming the same thing to a girl back in college, but I guess you meet such creeps every now and then.

So what exactly happened, this Dandruff is friendly the very first day. She will smile and speak her mind out, but then if you dare speak with anyone else, she will be all irritated and cranky. She has a weird habit of speaking to herself when people are around her. So this day, she says that others find her scary and stuff, all stupid assumptions she has in her petty mind. So i tried to help her and let her know that we have no such hard feelings for her and instead she came onto me and started shouting at me as if I am the one who has filled everyone's head with such thoughts. I got so very pissed off. It was never my intention to hurt her or something, rather all I tried doing was help her to understand others in a much better way. But my luck, I tried helping and instead I got the heat.

Basically what I learnt from such an experience is that help only your self and no one else. Help thyself and look for none.

A lesson learnt is anyday better than a lesson forgotten

Friday, January 23, 2015

Just another Entry

Another day of this January. I don't really know what I am upto. Back at home, dad thinks I have clue as to what I am doing. I want to make progress, prove my worth, but I do not know whether or not I have taken the right path. At times I do have my confusions regarding the many decisions I have taken. Let's see what will happen. Bhagwanji is there and I trust Him inside out. Let Him surprise me.  But please Bhagwanji let it be a pleasant surprise.

Tomorrow is the wedding of one of my cousins whom I have never ever met in my life. Let's see how that turns out to be. In fact I was not even ready for a wedding and have to wear my birthday dress, which I so did not want to. Anyways I hope something better will turn out for me.

Bangalore has been treating me fine,nothing extravagant as of yet. I have already fallen sick once, the stupid PG wala was not even getting the geyser fixed and the food,it isn't bad but then its not home food. I have forgotten the taste of paranthas. I wish Mom was here. I definitely miss home and the kids, my babies, cannot even hug them and look at them and smile. DJ and Dodo are definitely angry on me for leaving like that. I wish they all were here with me. But then I have a career to make and I want to prove my worth. I want mom and dad to be proud of me once again and I trust my Bhagwanji that this time He will not let me fail.

By the way, Bangalore is a let down, no good looking crowd. It is just average just like Kolkata but at least I am happy that I am out of the hell hole where people all are selfish and jealous and mean and can only wish for things which can harm one. Whenever I think about them, all I get it negativity and I wish I could somehow do away with it. I wish I could erase the past and someday this will all just be a distant memory, with no value or importance attached to it. I am waiting for the day when I can leave everything behind me and I can be myself completely, inside out, without any pretensions and can let go. Please let that day come soon.

Lastly it seems like my so called friends, were never my friend. Even after leaving the city, no one misses me, which is kind of strange and weird. I expected a handful to at least miss me, but then I am always disappointed when it comes to expectations as I keep wrong expectations from wrong people. So I guess they are in a way happy to get rid of me. Good for me as well, as long as they are happy I should be happy for them too.

Thank You Bhagwanji for everything. Love You and please take care of my family. I miss them and I love them a lot.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

2015

And then to think I would never return back.

To begin with A very Happy New Year 2015. It has indeed been quite sometime that I started typing out here. And well I got myself a notebook just because my handwriting was affected due to lack of writing for sometime now. But it feels like blog too needs me at times. It is after all a part of me and I can just not let it go. So here I am typing once again random things as my Creative Muse is asleep for quite sometime now.

It may come as a shock but I have finally managed to leave Kolkata and have moved out to Bangalore. The city has been welcoming as of now, been just a little over 2 weeks that I am here. Let's see what this city has in store for me.

As for Kolkata, leaving the last organization seems like just like a revelation. With the management changing every other quarter,it was becoming not only difficult but corrupt. I miss Dushyant at that place. He was so much  more better and at least he was not a biased person. He was the one who could have done wonders but unfortunately some could just not handle him and his ways. Then for sometime we were on our own, with Krishnendu Da, it  was fun. He was never really bothered as long as stats were met and things were happening. I liked him too and I know he liked me too. It was just so much fun, preparing for the R and R and all the offsite and onsite activities. Damn, I was a part of all of it. Well frankly  speaking I was pampered a lot by each one of them. And then came the movement to Premier, damn I was too good for them also. Proved my worth the very month my performance started rolling. No one can dare question me or my performance ever in that damn place. I started hating the place for a bunch of people, well bongs to be specific. Jealous of anyone who can do better than them and can  never ever be happy with anyone's progress. Neither will they progress nor will they ever appreciate anyone else's progress. Gawd! I have so much  of dislike for each one of them, Fake-sters. Anyways I wish them all happiness however I do wish they would not harm anyone like this ever again. But before a new era could dawn, I left the company. What a shock, he must have got. And it was evident because he never even bothered to come to meet me once. Damn! you should have tried to hide your frustration in a better way. Nonetheless even if I am not there in the hell hole, I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. But it was a bit of a shocker that a performer like me was not even given any importance once I put down the papers. Even SHE would have been upset or was she anticipating it. Premier was not that welcoming but then I had a bunch of people I could rely on and that is what I loved about the place. A handful of people just to make me smile. That is all we need in life, a little bit of happiness and that is all to keep us all going.

But that is all behind me now. I wish I could type so much more but then I don't want to offend anyone at all. Everyone is good in there own very places and I wish them success without harming anyone else. I hope they can feel success and love it, not just by harming anyone. Good luck guys! But I know you guys would never wish the same for me. I know it only too well because you never understood me and the worst bit, you lost a true friend. I am glad I have learnt from the million mistakes I have made in life but for you all, God help.

So cheers to a new beginning, cheers to a new world and new expectations, cheers to a better life!!!!!

Friday, October 3, 2014

Between me and Her

And in those eyes
I saw the rage
She had against me
Her anger sparkled
Those eyes spoke as if
She wanted me to break down
Wanted me to let go
In those eyes
She reflected my strength
I never knew I had.
In those eyes
She had the anger
and the warmth
They warned me
and yet they promised me of love.
In Her eyes
I saw it all
And then I saw Her smile
The calm, peaceful smile
The purity in Her smile
The innocence in Her
As if were all mine.
In those eyes
I felt inspired
I felt alive
I felt I could breathe again.
In those eyes
I saw myself
I saw Her
And no one knew that She
Only looked at me.