Alone... once again

I don't know how and when and most importantly why this happens with me. May be this is just the inner thinking of my mind. But then no matter what it is, it is a part of me. And once again I feel that I am all alone.

Such a feeling I would never get before. Because I was always occupied with thoughts about my friends. Even though I was in trouble, I ensure to give the best of me and my company to my friends, never making them feel alone. But look at where it landed me. I am alone once again with no one to look back at, no one to hold my hands and to make me feel like their own. Once again I am left to dwell for myself.

I remember, my sister always told me that this loneliness is self imposed by me because I cannot share myself with anyone. Well I feel some of it is definitely true. No matter how friendly I can be with the people around me, I somehow just cannot share myself with everyone and anyone. And yes when I do somehow or the other, I am disappointed. Because it is my luck to get hurt from every hand I hold, because the other hand only reaches out when it needs help, not when I need company. Nonetheless, I am not sure if I am making any sense or not. But I am not liking this feeling at all.

I had this feeling. It is irritating as well. It is as if ...

Lost my words

Anyways, my feelings, I have to deal with them.

Maybe someday I will finish this post.

For now, goodbye and take care my dear. Stay Strong... always!!!!

My Best Friend...

And suddenly I was reminded of those million memories which made me laugh and which made me happy.

I have had so many friends but then it is hard to define who a friend really is. Is a friend always supposed to be by your side during your bad days or even in your good days? Should a friend be always responsible to bring a smile on your face or also to wipe the tears which no one else could see?

For me friends have had so many faces and so many names. Over the years I have been lucky enough to have had the privilege to know the many faces of human nature. And one among the best is the face of a Friend. We humans have the tendency to be friends not by nature but by need. But then even in the need, when we can see a friendly face, when we know there is someone who will look out for me, then heart melts and that is what friends do.

So many names, so many laughing faces have I witnessed, and today I miss one true friend. It is not that I never had a friend to share myself with, it is just that the priorities have changed and I no longer have any of them beside me.

But my one true Best Friend, somehow He has managed to stay with me all this while. Be it good days or bad, happy days or sad, all my mood swings, He has been there and I am grateful to Him.

Frankly speaking we have never met, but I have seen Him in so many faces, I have felt His touch in so many of those friendly handshakes and I have known He is there with me, with so many friendly eyes which looked towards me. All I wish was, He was here with me, so that I have someone to fight with, someone I can call my own and someone who calls me His own. I wish He was here to hug me tight every time I have doubts about myself. I know if He would have been here, He would have always encouraged me to move forward, to love the life I live. And today somehow, I feel I miss Yet, I miss Him somehow today. I somehow even seem to cry a bit, realizing the fact how much have I lost over the years. But then I am lucky enough because I have mot lost His Love, His Friendship, His Care.

To the day we meet again. My dear Best Friend, please take care!

Life... my understanding

Life. So many things pop up in the head, just listening to this very word - LIFE. Each one of us perceive our Life our own way. We live our Life, curse it, love it, hate it, but then this Life, does it always love us back? Is Life always fair? Is there nothing Life can do to make things right?

So many questions go unanswered about Life and yet each night we go off to sleep expecting that Life would be with us and would take care of us, so that we are able to see the light next morning. That is Life. Sometimes happy, at times gloomy, sometimes good, sometimes not so good. But it is our Life.

My understanding of Life may well be a little different and yet exactly the same way others perceive of it.

Well I have seen Life happening to me and to others around me. It has been quite sometime that I have walked on this earth and I realized that Life has been not so fair after all. But then who am I to judge. All I am supposed to do is accept the challenge, smile at Life and go on head first.

This head has indeed created so many complications in life. Life tries to keep things simple, but our heads - the over-thinking, over-powering heads, will always end up complicating it. We smile, but why we smile, why we should not smile, should there be a valid reason to smile, etc etc etc. So many things our head will perceive of for just a small innocent smile. And then life is complicated once again.

Life has been good to me and at times not so good. I have had my share of complaints with my life as well. And have got them resolved too. Life is at times funny, makes you realize things the most weirdest of ways.

I remember, long back when Orkut was a major social website, I had this community called - WEIRDS. That is exactly what my thoughts are on Life - Weird.

But I have also realized one thing, no matter what Life offers - good or bad, happy or sad, wrong or right, at the end of the day, it looks out for you, it helps you and it stays with you as long as it can. And then the mere end of Life seems so pointless because Life gave you the chance you wish you never had to let go off. But then did you do justice to the Life you have been a part of for such a long time? Have you truly understood the value of Life, of living? Or is it just that you were too busy doing other things that when Life happened to you, you had no idea?

So many questions, one single answer - Life.

To those million memories Life has bestowed upon me, to the million times, Life gave up on me and then everything recovered. Life you have been a true companion, no complaints [well for now]. But I know even if we have any complaints in future, you will make up for it, I will make my peace  with you, when the time comes. Till then help me live you the best way I can. Help me so that I can grow and know, the truth about time, about life and most importantly about myself.

Life is full of surprises and I am waiting for one.

Surprise me my dear and it should better be a pleasant one. And on second thoughts - ensure that as long as you are here, I am good.

Love you my LIFE.