TWO SONGS FOR HEDLI ANDERSONin
Selected Poems of W.H. Auden
by W. H. Auden
Vintage



I
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public
doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.


He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.


The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.



II
O the valley in the summer where I and my John
Beside the deep river would walk on and on
While the flowers at our feet and the birds up above
Argued so sweetly on reciprocal love,
And I leaned on his shoulder; 'O Johnny, let's play':
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.


O that Friday near Christmas as I well recall
When we went to the Charity Matinee Ball,
The floor was so smooth and the band was so loud
And Johnny so handsome I felt so proud;
'Squeeze me tighter, dear Johnny, let's dance till it's day':
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.


Shall I ever forget at the Grand Opera
When music poured out of each wonderful star?
Diamonds and pearls they hung dazzling down
Over each silver and golden silk gown;
'O John I'm in heaven,' I whispered to say:
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.


O but he was fair as a garden in flower,
As slender and tall as the great Eiffel Tower,
When the waltz throbbed out on the long promenade
O his eyes and his smile they went straight to my heart;
'O marry me, Johnny, I'll love and obey':
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.


O last night I dreamed of you, Johnny, my lover,
You'd the sun on one arm and the moon on the other,
The sea it was blue and the grass it was green,
Every star rattled a round tambourine;
Ten thousand miles deep in a pit there I lay:
But you frowned like thunder and you went away.




Such beautiful lines...made me cry when I first heard them in the movie-- "Four Weddings and a Funeral". Lovely...so simple, so true, so lovely... so peaceful

MISSING MY FRIEND...

Some one recently questioned about this person in my life, I didn’t know how best to give him a reply, I wasn’t sure if the other person would understand the relationship I share. But anyways I loved the reply I came up with…and it all happened near about five minutes ago. And here is my reply… these lines are meant for a dear friend, who is busy with his life, his career, earning money, working hard and still he is the reason why I smile now and then… , even though he is a million miles away… these lines are meant only for you my friend….


“A friend, philosopher, a guide.
I don’t want any feelings to hide.
He is a ray of hope
The other end of this friendship’s rope.
A beam of light
When nothing seems right.
Someone who never said too much.
But is a friend as such,
Who will walk with me till the end of time,
All I know HE is a friend of mine.”




Because of my shitty server, I have to post it now :(
But this friend of mine, well he is back, a little tired and exhausted and a little worried. But he is back and I am sure everything will be alright once he is back. Take care buddy… I missed you a lot and I am sure everything is going to be alright. :-)

I'm the new change...

They told me to start over again
They always have.
I remember the first step I took
Those new steps with the new look.
Change has always been constant
And so I was changing too.
Changed my school, changed my friends,
Changed the uniform I used to wear.
Changed the way I used to think
Challenged new thoughts, doubts and feelings.
Made all the efforts to move ahead
Made the efforts to become the “bestest of the best”.


I made another effort for a new beginning
They said… was it possible?
I made sure it was never impossible
For I achieved this thing.
They all said they loved
And so we became friends
But at the end of the day
Only three of us stood together.
So special were those days
When I learnt something new.
They all were so encouraging and supportive
I respect them more every way.

Then came the best change of all
I grew so proud and tall.
‘Tis the best bargain of all.
And yet it made us all … fall.
Made three years worth living
All the love worth giving
I got my share of love too
Along with came the dear hate.
But I felt it was not too late
for a better turn from the worst
those feelings seize to exist
they have finally turned to dust.

Today, I stand here all cold and lonely
Even though things are working somehow
I am no more happy.
I am disgusted, the way system works.
And now I want to change it all the more.
Seems I’m losing energy though
And want to give up with time,
And give up this fight of mine.



BUT …
It’s time to change again …
Let me see what happens this time,
I am ready for all the rains.
Let me be prepared to be slaughtered,
I will enjoy the killing and the new bloodshed.
Let me be prepared to be the new excavation,
I am prepared to be the new … ME …

The day that never comes...

What two great days I had? I still can’t believe that all this happened with me. So many emotions in such little amount of time seems really strange to me. I am moody indeed, but my emotions changing with my mood in fraction of seconds were like wow!!! I seriously don’t know what to do, how well to write down my feelings today. Is it a blessing or a boon in disguise? Is this a warning? I don’t know what to expect of things anymore… I know none of this was expected three years back when I was super excited and felt super lucky with the way things were going on.

So many good things have happened over the three years but the past 3 days have made them all seem so small. So many times have I cried and for whom? Not for myself, for sure but I have and it hurts each time I realize how I am to continue living leaving behind old things and old friends and believe me none of it is worth leaving behind. I feel that somewhere down I have been unable to do things properly. I wish I had the power to set things right, to make things happen, to make people smile and for once see deserving people wining. Why did it have to happen? Why things are going the other way? I fucking cried when I heard about it.
They had said that Adam has to work till he sweats his brows, but here Eves are sweating badly each day for their works to be done. What rubbish is going on? And what’s worse, the blame is shared by one and all, even me, but none is ready to accept the fact. And so I accept my faults and I am sorry that I caused so much trouble to my own self.

I had thought I would write this and I would write that, but don’t know why I am not writing anything out. Tomorrow I am at home, hopefully when I feel it right, I am able to type more and give vent to my feelings. Till then see you all soon. :-)



The saddest part of my day
When you have to leave, and you walk away.
:|