Saturday, March 21, 2009

When will I be able to sleep again???

So many times I want to cry, but I just can’t. At times I wish tears would just roll out of my eyes and nothing could stop them. But then there it stands my image, me as the super strong female who can never be shaken. And by now even I feel that I emerge rock solid in most of the crisis situations I find myself in. And that helps me a lot getting to know something new and special about myself everyday.
Life is surely funny and lovely at the same time. At times I laugh and the very next moment… I love everything about my life. Every step as if is like a hurdle I seem to cross over and stand victorious on this mortal ground.

“PERCHANCE he for whom this bell tolls may be so ill, as that he
knows not it tolls for him; and perchance I may think myself so
much better than I am, as that they who are about me, and see my
state, may have caused it to toll for me, and I know not that.”

[John Donne]

Great things have I encountered lately. Great desire have cropped up in my heart about those days which are still to come. But somehow life is going on, somehow everything is just about fine and I am still alive. :-)


Holy Sonnet III: O Might Those Sighs And Tears Return Again

O might those sighs and tears return again
Into my breast and eyes, which I have spent,
That I might in this holy discontent
Mourn with some fruit, as I have mourned in vain;
In mine Idolatry what showers of rain
Mine eyes did waste! what griefs my heart did rent!
That sufferance was my sin; now I repent;
'Cause I did suffer I must suffer pain.
Th' hydropic drunkard, and night-scouting thief,
The itchy lecher, and self-tickling proud
Have the remembrance of past joys for relief
Of comming ills. To (poor) me is allowed
No ease; for long, yet vehement grief hath been
Th' effect and cause, the punishment and sin. >

[John Donne ]

Time has come for me to say my goodbyes. Soon my route will change, soon the turn will compel me to walk alone once again and yet I am supposed to pretend as if nothing ever happened and that life has been fun living out here with all of you. Though it has made me cry and laugh, I cherish all those moments which made me smile. :-)

Friday, March 20, 2009

Love Comes Again...


It wasn’t one of my very good days. I didn’t know why people tend to get angry on me so easily and most of the times it’s not even me whom they are angry at. Anyway, the bottom line is that no matter what somehow or the other, when I start thinking that things are changing for the better, life gets more complicated. The knot feels tighter around my neck and I know not how to react or whom to turn towards to. And even though it has happened a few days earlier, this Monday to be precise, and it is Friday already and I still haven’t been able to forget it. What great memory I posses or should I say how easily people affect me always. Gosh, it goes above the top half the times. Half the times I wait for a smile and yet get none, half the times I have to take attitude which is so uncalled for. But then I guess that is all I deserve and can get at the moment. :-D

So finally I said what I had to and yet there are still so many things which go unmentioned. So many dreams which are trampled upon, so many hopes crushed under the blender called life, so many smiles rolling out like tears from the eyes.

But in the middle of all this chaos when a stranger smiles at you, gives the warmth you so look forward to. A small greeting and life seems worth a million years. The above mentioned incident had made not just my days a nightmare but even my internals. I don’t really want to talk about them. So whatever, on the day of my last internals, I had to meet this senior of mine. And after we met, I noticed two tall and damn smart looking foreigners in one of the shops, but didn’t bother much. The taller foreigner did attract my attention because he must have been more than 6feet tall. :D so not bothering about either of them I carried on with my conversation with my senior and then they came beside us to walk past us and we were supposedly blocking their way, so I moved away then the taller one looked at me, me giving my peculiar high-eye-browed expression, and said “Namastey” and then even bothered to look back after obviously crossing us and then that smile. That was a very strange smile. Such a smile which seemed to refresh me. A smile, which others crave for. And … Perhaps I am over-assuming out here but then at the moment I felt like even I am alive and I am no piece of crap.

Anyways thanks to those two strangers who made my day and now even though I become a punch-bag, I won’t care to care about those who don’t care to care about me.

:D :D

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Leave...right now!!!!!!!!!!!

Why the fucking hell can’t these creatures live their own fucking lives? They can never ever be fucking happy with what they have and can’t see others being happy with their own lives. I do what I feel like. And I give a damn to what others think or have to say about me. They can fuck rot with their own fucking lives. I know where I stand and how much ground I hold under my feet and I don’t need others…especially a special few telling me what to do or what not to do when they themselves don’t know a fucking shit about life. Anyways…life is far better than bothering about these few shitty heads who know not a bit about me and I rather not bother to show them the real me…cause they deserve far worse things in life. :-D


Anyways had to blabber out a few things which I just did. It pertains to no one specific…