Faith by Faith

With those heavy eyes and the dizzy feeling I looked around myself. Everything was a blur. I thought that I had lost my sight. Immediately my instinct was to rub my eyes and try and look around myself once again, just to make sure that my eyes were alright. As soon as I did so, everything was clear in front of my eyes, I could see, my sight wasn’t lost and that was a big relief. But then where was I? This wasn’t my room, the surroundings were different and yet not unfamiliar. It took some time for me to realize that I was in my parent’s room. But as the time was passing by my head grew heavier. It must hardly have been a few minutes and yet again I was feeling dizzy. My head, it felt as if someone was constantly banging a stick on it, and I couldn’t do anything about it. So I cried out,

“Mother… mother, where are you mother?”


My cry seemed spontaneous to me but I waited for a while for an answer. She must reply to me. I have called out for her.


“No one is here dear, but you are alright. Doctor says you are alright.”


I soon recognized the voice; it was that of Nora, my sister. But then why was she answering today? My instincts told me that something wasn’t right after all. I wanted my mother to be my side and she was nowhere to be found. But these bangs on my head kept me from moving even an inch from the bed and go look for her. Once again I was falling asleep, my eyes were closing and I was lost in my sleep.






These memories date back to those days when I was too small to even realize what exactly was going on around me. But the memories of that accident are not clear yet. I try hard to recall, but fail miserably each time. Well it surely was a long time ago. But nothing much has changed since then. I still crave and I still cry and these days the headaches kill me. My questions are not even answered these days. I love being a part of the crowd and yet I have become a kind of a loner. I hardly speak anymore about what I actually want to say. I wear a smile on my face as I see no other way of hiding myself from others.

Hey you know what they say about me? Promise me you won’t laugh. Nevertheless, they say Faith is a lucky girl, so confident, so full of energy; she doesn’t need to hide anything. She is always smiling, always so cheerful. They say Faith has everything in her to be a winner, they say they love her, and all their prayers are with her. But what they don’t know is that Faith has her existence in faith itself. She isn’t the person people think she is. Nonetheless undoubtedly Faith is faith. :-)

But Faith is a scared creature. She hates voicing her opinions, her feelings, and her emotions. She hides her pains and sorrows, even from her loved ones. She is afraid and scared. Is this the Faith people had known all this while? No one knows and she is afraid to tell them even.


It was Sports day and Annual Meet in my school, my final year in school. I had worked hard, really hard for it. My teachers were all happy and appreciated my efforts. But I felt incomplete, I felt something was missing. It was her presence; she was missing from the scene. She wasn’t here to witness what I had achieved in school all this while and how much I was loved and appreciated by all. I remember missing my cousin’s engagement for a competition. But I returned for the wedding and you know what, they didn’t even know me anymore. I wasn’t a part of the family as if. But I thought she would stand by me, make me a part of the family who had somehow forgotten about me. I wanted her to be by my side… she wasn’t there. I still wait for her. I want her to look at me and see, but she doesn’t and I still live by faith.

I am a big girl now in fact a lady… elegant, graceful, charming, just as a lady is supposed to be. But why do I wear my hair so clumsily? Why do I dress up so badly? Only for her to notice me once and correct my ways and manners, to make me into that girl again who is missing for a long time now. But I still am waiting for her look. She hasn’t turned around yet. I still wait for her. I still live by faith.

But now it is time, my hour of departure. I am once again all alone, sitting and staring at those vacant walls of my room. Diagnosed with last stage of cancer, they say I will leave soon. They have lost faith now, and even Faith has lost faith which was her only cause for survival. Though I still wait for her and she is nowhere to be seen. I will close my eyes soon, so they tell me, forever. But for once I want my cries to be answered by no one else, only her. Will she reply if I cry out loud this one time? Will she come back to me? Will you mother?

“Mother… mother, where are you mother?”





“I am here my child, right beside you dear, I am here.”


It was her voice, I know it was hers. She finally did reply to me. She is here, is she? I can’t wait any longer and so I turn around and yes she is here. Draped in white, the angelic face, I thought I wouldn’t recognize her. But here she was, right beside me, her hands stretched out towards me. I ran, ran a little closer and there was a slight pain in my heart but now I am with her. We are together, Faith and her mother. My holy hour has come, my faith has been answered. She is calling for me, and maybe she had always done so. But I in my blindness, in my ignorance must have mistaken it to be something else. I know she could not have forgotten about me. I finally get to see her, to feel her touch, she is my mother. The only person I lived for. Maybe she was not here all this while, to make me feel how much others too care about me, maybe to love me a little more when things weren’t all that right, to show that even though she was gone, I was not alone. I want to cry out today, cry a little louder but my tears won’t just fall from my eyes. I clear my blurred vision only to realize we both have transcended our homely abodes and now we are together… forever. Faith’s faith has survived the test of times, the test of life and death. Her faith is reawakened, by her being dead. She lives by it, it is her only existence. I love you mother, Faith loves you mother. I loved you all this while and shall love you till the end of our new lives. Faith is alive being dead…once again… Faith lives by faith. :)

Nostalgia....

Another day and yet another hurdle I face all on my own. At times I wish I just wasn't this strong but now I know God choose me to be so. I love the wait, the challenges, the uncertainity called LIFE. I am ready now, ready for more.

By the way, being blessed with some of the greatest people as friends, I know my luck is changing for the best. :)

Dead n Gone

When I took a step further...I realized I took two steps backwards...I progressed in pace I didn't know how to cope with. But they tell me this is life and this is how life progresses. I guess I am ready for it now :) ALL READY!!!!