Yet not realize me...

Why the hell do I end up like this? Why can’t I just accept the damn fact and move on? Why the hell am I like this?

Whatever, No matter if I am a doll or sweetie or dum dum or cuchie poo or bubalaboo or princess I am still the old crazy freak whatever. At times I end up with such strange thoughts and that too because of a bunch of self-obsessed hypocritical, stupid narcissists? But still, if there is a thought in my mind I must express it.
So as I saying I end up with such weirdest thoughts that people can very well call me a jerk but who cares? Not me. Why can’t for once people ask are you doing fine? Why can’t they look up to you and just smile? Why cant life be so sweet and yet so beautiful? Am I supposed to play the role of the agony aunt always? Why cant for once people [as in my friends definitely] ask me about myself and my life? But let them think whatever they want to. I am happy as always to be something I never was before. I can never really be like them I guess and in the process stand as rejected and lonely and maybe overlooked and as most of the times taken for granted. But stupid me would never ever learn from my mistakes and repeat them time and again. Strange that such a sensible girl like me ends up being so very full of nonsense that anyone can say anything on her face and all she can do is accept it as reality. Bloody shit. I so badly wish to… can never ever express myself. So why bother. Even the attempt is so useless and worthless. But what the hell finally I am writing all the crap that was stored up in my mind.
At times your friends don’t mean to hurt you but they end up saying things which prick you so badly that you can do nothing about it nor can you tell the person about it. Even when one starts to think too much about others, complications in life begin to creep in and start to kill you from the inside even though you look so damn strong and smart. So many things happen simultaneously inside your stupid head that you can’t really decide what to do and what not to do? You can’t deny the importance and presence of your friends and then you can’t hurt yourself as well. Strange situation but so very complicated at the same time. You think they know you the best and won’t pass their judgments onto you but they do it cause its human nature to do so. And maybe even some time you too had tried to do the same with them. But who knows who’s wrong or right since everyone has feelings and everyone has to live their lives.
What the hell? What did I just type out? I am absolutely clueless. But its fun to write crap and enjoy it at the same time.

So here I stand to entertain you all
And you witness my rise and fall
I smile and I laugh out loud
And you call for me in the crowd
Just to stand by you to tell you
That you are the best thing of all.

The lights that shine bright above me
The eyes which always stay behind me
The cheer and smiles which I cause
The people who never choose to doze off
All and everything seem to embrace
My life and yet not realize me.