I find it strange that nothing has an end. There is no end to anything. Even death doesn't stop anything. Well Daddyji passed away, nothing stopped. He was not there with us but did that stop us from living our lives? Yes, there was pain, there was hurt and regrets, but for how long? Nothing has an end to it. For him perhaps everything came to an end, but if we look at the bigger picture, did anything stop? Same goes for Chaiji, it is almost 6 months, damn 6 whole months without her when she couldn't even stay 6 hours away from us. But has this made any difference in our lives? Aren't we still breathing, still slogging to stay above the water?
Basically there is no end. The sun will rise, the rain will fall, the stars will shine, the flowers will bloom. As for people they will be back to their mundane lives, the many routines they so rigorously follow. So will it make any difference if I am not here? I guess for a few days it will but after that everything will be normal.
After whatever happened I guess it is time for me to bid my farewell. I have tortured everyone enough and I guess in this whole process I myself have become more bitter and I cannot control my anger anymore. Ignorance is bliss and I so wish for ignorance. But unfortunately I am the only one who seems to know everything and yet cannot ignore it. I am the one who suffers in silence the brunt of this undeniable truth. I am the one who should die with a million secrets in my heart. And oh! how much I wish to end all of this. How much I wish life would show me the end I want to. But if only I had strength enough, I lack the essential courage for it. Even though I had planned a couple of things in my mind, seems like nothing works in my favor ever. This time it has to happen. I need to be away from everyone. I must have the courage to leave and live the life I truly deserve for a change. I need to runaway. I have no idea as to where and how, but the day is coming soon.
I never expected the door to open right on my face that is still hurts. I didn't want to bruises to show. I didn't want to flaunt my wounds to anyone and so it shall be. I will be the closed book I have been for ages. No more friends, no more sharing of myself with others and no more trusting people. It is time for me to learn my lessons and to move on in life. I want to leave everything behind me and I want to move on. But why is it so difficult, why it seems impossible? I ain't the one to be scared of others, but somehow I am. I am scared of the very thought that people will hurt me again, they will use me and throw me away, they will call me names and not bother about it. It is time for me to move on, but how I do not know.
I have to find my end. I have to find a way to be away from everything and everyone. Bhagwanji help me. I have no strength in me anymore to live like this. I have endured a lot of changes and have taken up a lot of things I never thought I would ever have to. But I need this all to end. Please give me strength enough so that I can leave everything behind me. Give me the courage to leave with a smile and let others be in peace. I know death is not an option for me, but help me find a way to leave without having to make others feel sad. Help me move on.... Help me find an end...
Basically there is no end. The sun will rise, the rain will fall, the stars will shine, the flowers will bloom. As for people they will be back to their mundane lives, the many routines they so rigorously follow. So will it make any difference if I am not here? I guess for a few days it will but after that everything will be normal.
After whatever happened I guess it is time for me to bid my farewell. I have tortured everyone enough and I guess in this whole process I myself have become more bitter and I cannot control my anger anymore. Ignorance is bliss and I so wish for ignorance. But unfortunately I am the only one who seems to know everything and yet cannot ignore it. I am the one who suffers in silence the brunt of this undeniable truth. I am the one who should die with a million secrets in my heart. And oh! how much I wish to end all of this. How much I wish life would show me the end I want to. But if only I had strength enough, I lack the essential courage for it. Even though I had planned a couple of things in my mind, seems like nothing works in my favor ever. This time it has to happen. I need to be away from everyone. I must have the courage to leave and live the life I truly deserve for a change. I need to runaway. I have no idea as to where and how, but the day is coming soon.
I never expected the door to open right on my face that is still hurts. I didn't want to bruises to show. I didn't want to flaunt my wounds to anyone and so it shall be. I will be the closed book I have been for ages. No more friends, no more sharing of myself with others and no more trusting people. It is time for me to learn my lessons and to move on in life. I want to leave everything behind me and I want to move on. But why is it so difficult, why it seems impossible? I ain't the one to be scared of others, but somehow I am. I am scared of the very thought that people will hurt me again, they will use me and throw me away, they will call me names and not bother about it. It is time for me to move on, but how I do not know.
I have to find my end. I have to find a way to be away from everything and everyone. Bhagwanji help me. I have no strength in me anymore to live like this. I have endured a lot of changes and have taken up a lot of things I never thought I would ever have to. But I need this all to end. Please give me strength enough so that I can leave everything behind me. Give me the courage to leave with a smile and let others be in peace. I know death is not an option for me, but help me find a way to leave without having to make others feel sad. Help me move on.... Help me find an end...
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