So delicious....

Well most of the people around me know by now that I am absolutely not a foodie. I eat due to the dire need of eating for energy and to keep my body working. If only I had that kind of money to afford those pills which can make me go on without food for a day, I would love to have them instead of anything else. But when it comes to pizza, there are no compromises. I absolutely love eating pizza, something I alone can live on for years. Nonetheless without diverting much from the original topic, I just want to make my point that food and me are not very friendly, nor do we hate each other. It’s a ok kind of a relationship we share.

But it was only recently in one of the many conversations we have now and then, that mom and dad reminded me of such a sweet and simple meal which I am madly craving to have now and I only wish if I could get that taste back in my mouth. The moment I remembered about this special dish, I could see myself like a kid curiously gulping on my plate, loving every morsel of what was in there and that amazing taste, beyond any words I don’t know why I have tears in my eyes thinking and remembering this. Is it because I have hardly ever given any thought to that or is it because it’s almost been fourteen years that I have not tasted it? I do not know that, but what I do know is that my heart craves for it and I know I can never have it again and that taste shall always haunt me.

Well before I can elaborate about the dish or about the chef who managed to get my taste buds to salivate, I would like to warn my very dear readers that I am going to digress a lot from the original topic only because it holds the closest to my heart and it has open a Pandora of memories I cannot afford to miss out on. So here I begin.

To begin with, as I mentioned earlier and established the very fact that I am no foodie, I have never taken a liking of the Afghani or Muslim dishes. It was just the thought that the people who cook them have always been against us and a lot of more things which deserve little mention. So a dish like biryani has never quite been on the list of my likings. But only recently I realized that I have had a craving for this special kind of biryani and its taste cannot be matched and compared with even the world’s best cooks as it was made by my best-est chef. Well I am sure you know how much you are missed.

As for this special chef of mine, well there is a hell lot to speak about him. But most importantly, I would like to share the fact that he was the head of my family. And he was loved and respected by all. My dearest Daddyji, well that is how we used to address our dearest grandfather, the handsomest man ever known by me. Believe me Hrithik doesn’t even stand a chance in front of him. And as Chaiji always used to say, she was lucky to have had such a husband. Well I know how lucky I am to be a part of him. Daddyji you are still the best. Love you and miss you a lot.

Well it wasn’t such an exquisite preparation of the so called special biryani. But its taste, how can anything match it. Daddy would usually prepare chicken, and believe me it was delicious the way he would ensure the chicken is cooked to perfection with the exact amount of everything. And it was the last day’s left over chicken which he would mix with rice and cook it for us. Oh! How I remember fighting over the pieces of chicken with everyone else. It wasn’t something extravagant, yet for me it was the best of what I have had till date. Since the day mom and dad have mentioned about it and I have remembered about Daddy’s cooking days and those yummy dishes I have had, I feel like my appetite died the day he left us. With him my craze for food also went away. But here I am, once again thinking and remembering those amazing dishes which I know I will never ever be able to cook.

By the way, Daddy and Chaiji, I know you both will be proud of me, but I have managed to cook an entire day’s meal when momma was not here. I know Papa had to live through those days, but I cooked for the first time, on my own and yes I am proud of myself. I knew I could always cook just the very thought of cooking never appealed to me. But I did.

Miss you both a lot and thank you for those wonderful memories. You both will always be loved and missed. Take Care and give my regards to Bhagwanji who has been amazingly kind to all of us.

Another day without You...

So for the first time in our lives, it was Holi and you were not here with us. Dad's birthday too, well hasn't he always managed to celebrate his birthday with us except for this year and so many more years to come. Well we do miss, cannot deny the fact. But then I know wherever you are, you are happy and you are in a much better place now. I just wish that had you been here, you could have helped me pick my gown, or even chide me for selecting the wrong jewelry. I just wish you wouldn't have left so early. Somehow I was sure this time, I was confident that now everyone has come for you, you will come back to us. O! my stupid notion. I miss you and I will always miss you. You have been the best grandmother anyone could ever ask for. The coolest Chaiji, I could share anything with you and I regret not having you here beside me. But you stood by me, you kept me strong, you made me held my head up high and you made me realize that no matter what you will always be there for me. And even though you are physically not present here with me, I know you are watching, you are not far away from me. I know you miss us, and we miss you a lot. Please ensure that Mom and Dad get the best of life. They have suffered enough because of me. Please give me the strength to make them feel proud of me again.

This year for obvious reasons, none of us celebrated Holi. Remember one year we celebrated Holi with only water, no colors, nothing else, just simple water. That was fun. It was fun having you around, having you notice how I am looking. O! I do miss you and I miss you some more. Give my love to Daddy, let him know that I miss him too, his visits, his blessings, his naughty smiles, his cooking, his game of cards. I miss being the child around you all. If only you guys were here. But then I am happy for both of you. Now you are together and I know all these years, Chaiji has missed you very much. She has been without you for long. 

Anyways the reason I write today is because I realize that now there isn't much left, besides those million memories you have left behind for us to think of, to smile and to cry just thinking of you. Miss you Chaiji...!!! Love you always.

ARTEMISIA ...

Films and novels have been a major part of my life. The many characters, the many emotions and expressions have always appealed to me some way or the other. Time and again such characters have been able to provide me with the solace normal human beings have failed at miserably. Today I write to tell you all about one such character ARTEMISIA from the movie 300: Rise of an Empire, played by Eva Green. And believe me when I say this, she has done a superb job. I have felt the rise and the fall of the character. Such was the nature of her acting that it felt like the character was standing in front of me and not just the actor.

The movie was all about her. And she has done absolute justice to the character. The looks, the gaze, the smirks, perfect timing it was. This shows how well Eva was able to relate with the character and not only that was also able to express the exact emotions as demanded by the situation. Respect, my dear lady… absolute respect for you.

I do not have many words but yes you have inspired me a lot. Thank you for the amazing experience. I am absolutely looking forward to such epic movies in future as well.

Dua...!!!

Isn't it a strange title for a new blog? Well frankly speaking I was trying to think of a great title and that it when this song from the movie 'Shanghai' started playing. So I thought why not this as a title. I remember my college days, writing about mundane things would often lead me with no option for a good title for my blog and then the song which I am listening to would give an identity to my blog entry.

Anyways enough about the title, the reason I write now at this blessed hour is because I want to. I do not need a reason to write and express what I feel like. But today I write to give a logical explanation as to why I have been avoiding writing for so very long. I know it is only mere lame excuses which I will indulge into, but then I need to evaluate myself as to why I have been avoiding for so long writing anything.

To begin with after SXC, I have rarely had much to talk about and to share. SXC has been the best three years of my life. No matter the ups and downs, it has been the highest point in my life, after which things have rarely been able to excite me. As for the people I generally met where quite a bore. CU was one of the lowest point of my life. It had nothing to make me feel alive and to keep me awake with living. Thanks to some of my dear friends, had it not been for their lovely company that I would have been drifted away to the shadows of invisibility. While Bhavans was a major reason of my liveliness in the first year of my University life, but after Bhavans, I was once again down in life.

After CU came my first ever break up. And God! How much I miss him. He has been a blessing in disguise. And no matter how much I may hate him for not being there with me, I respect him and love him in every way possible. May you have an amazing life and be happy always.

Office deserves little mention, because it only reminds me that I can no longer be a kid and enjoy my life. It reminds me of my duties and responsibilities, when I would give anything just to be a child again. Also I hardly mix office with my house. I keep my personal and my professional life away from each other.

Nonetheless, life has been good to me. I have little regrets in life and I know with time everything will only get a lot better for me. Lets hope and keep our fingers crossed to that.

I have a couple of future projects in mind, I hope they are successful. All the very best to me.

Also lastly I would like to thank my Muse (I know there are so very many of my Muses which inspire me regularly, but I am talking about my one special Muse only), for inspiring me each day and for letting me be myself. Love you so very much for everything. Hoping to write another of my master pieces soon. Thank you once again.

...

I Speak Again...

Lately have I realized that keeping feelings like regret, revenge, animosity, enmity, etc. etc, is all pointless. Having met quite a diverse group of people and after hearing what their trials and tribulations have been in life, I wonder if my troubles were that important enough or was it just that I was too engrossed in them to realize that there was something bigger happening to me... Life was happening to me and I was missing out on it. So here I speak again.

I accept the fact I am not perfect and I have no right to judge others. Likewise I have no right to hate anyone or anything. God has made everything beautiful, its beauty may not appeal me but it doesn't makes the thing any less desirable, maybe not for me, but for others it is. Likewise I may not be beautiful to many, but that doesn't make me any less special in the eyes of God. His plans and His ways of testing us is very different and very hard to perceive. I have heard so much about the trials of others that now I feel my trials would have been a blessing for them. How much one learns from meeting others, from hearing out others, from listening to what they have been through and not just stating your very own problems.

I am not the kind of person to voice my emotions and my troubles easily in front of others. It takes a lot for me to actually open up to others. But often I have seen, since school days to be precise, that people fail to understand you and tend to move away from you. Well I am sure I am no angel, I too have left people in my life, I too have given others a hard time. But then I am grateful to each and everyone of them who have cared and most importantly have jhelofyed (if ever there was a term like this) me even for a few days of their lives. Unfortunately for my parents, I am going to be there till the very end. But for others there is always an option to leave. I am grateful to all who have left me, no matter how battered or bruised I may have been, but I know God's design, He makes things happen without us realizing it. God gave us brains to understand and to choose for our own selves what emotions we want to feel and for whom. Life is short, it surely is short. And I cannot bear grudges on anyone. Dad says I am bad at keeping grudges on others. I may not forget the event which happened but that doesn't make me hate the person. I know that is the ultimate truth of my life. I can never hate anyone completely. No matter how things may have happened, I want to be at peace and I wish each and every person lots of love and happiness which they truly deserve. I am sorry for not being the apt source of happiness for you all, but I would like to thank you all for being there for me, for thinking of me. I will always cherish memories of you all. Those tiffin breaks, those hair braiding sessions, those stupid jokes, the smiles, the movies, the rides, the trips, the books, the excuses, the funny stories, everything holds a special place in my heart. And no matter what I know I have been an active part of each one of those million memories.

But today I would like to take this opportunity to forget all what has happened in the past. I want to make peace with my past. I want to give up on feelings like anger, revenge, hate. I want to live a life without regrets and grudges. I know many of my friends will be reading this. No matter how far you guys are I wish you all well. Be happy and make the most of life. I may not be with you guys, but my best wishes are always with you. And as for the good memories, they will always be a big part of me. Please do remember, I too am human who has made mistakes in life she is not proud of. I wish I was never a part of all those unhappy memories for anyone. I wish I was rather dead than alive. But then unfortunately, here I still am. I know my death would not matter to many, but I do not want to die with any regrets in life. I will stay out of your lives, not even as a spectator, but if ever you think of a friend, I will be there. There are no hand books on life, had their been I am sure I wouldn't have goofed up so badly.

Lastly I would like to thank my parents and my family for standing by me no matter what. My life is for you guys and no one else. Thank you for understanding and supporting me throughout. I will make you all proud once again. I am sorry for all the bad days you guys had to face because of me. But I know better days are yet to come. I hope, wish and pray that each one of you get the best of love and life.

As for those dear ones who have cared to share with me a part of their lives, their trials and tribulations, I know not whether I can help solve them. But yes I will stand by you and will be there with you guys. Wish you strength in life.

Life I love you and now I want to live you till the fullest.
Cheers to those who are lucky enough to escape me
Cheers to those who are yet to meet me...

Thank You all....

[Move on and be happy in life... be grateful, do not be hateful...it only makes life difficult. Learn to let go and be happy with yourself. I wish PEACE and LOVE for all]

The Page

The blank page
Stares back at me
Teasing with the very thoughts
I hate to admit.

Refreshes the memories
The pain attached.
Reminds the mind
Of the life I never had.

Point blank
And I submit
To the very thought that
I too will perish.

The futility, the fragility of life,
The nonsensical games,
The pathetic excuses,
The greetings aside.

And then I see
The white page,
The blankness
Becomes a part of me.

The twists, the turns,
The curves around,
The pen waiting
To let me...

Write and divulge
these very thoughts.
To those I know not
Or to let it all rot?

The pathetic attempt
To make the words work.
The illusion of being
Enlightened in this very dark.

That is what has become of me.
Trivial attempts of an escape
The rope, the latch, the collar attached
And this blank page I have.

Not Again....

It has indeed been long that I spoke up but then I have always maintained the fact that if I am right and if the people around me know me even a little, will know that I cannot always give explanations for every damn act of mine.

2013 was a mess of a year. Not just for me but for my parents and my family too. Losing Chaiji was the worst hit of all. Chaiji, you will always be missed...always.
Here I am writing this out not to explain anything to anyone, but to laugh at the stupidity of a select few. Just because I do not speak and scream and shout and advertise, doesn't make me WRONG. Just because I know I have people who will stand by me no matter what, I do not have to meet every damn person and explain my stand.

Over the years I have got to learn a lot. I have learnt the best of my lessons by trusting some of the worst of people around. And then look at the audacity of these people, having been responsible for a lot of things, they think they have always been right. By the way, reality check, had you been right, I would have never left from your lives. And I wouldn't have had the support and love of not just my family but a lot of my friends who hold the dearest to me. My parents have been so supportive through this uncalled for tough phase of my life. I stand up for them. People who think I do not know what I do, are so very wrong in their assumptions. I know what I am and I am not answerable to anyone besides my parents and my God. So if anyone out there, reading this blog thinks that I am a damsel in distress and need to be rescued, please think again. I stand for every damn thing I say and I will, till the very end of my life, I will stand for what I think is right, not what others perceive it to be.

Today I write. I have not bothered or tampered with the lives of people in my past. If they have left I am grateful for the valuable lessons they have taught me before leaving me for good. But every speculation and every stupid notion you live with, I want to shatter it. I will never return in the lives of those whom I have left in the past. I have no explanations to give besides the fact I AM HAPPIER PERSON NOW.

Friends a healthy reminder, if someone is in past and holds no more importance in my life, please do not be the messengers of Satan and pass on information about my every move and every act to them. There is a reason some people are no longer in my life and I would rather keep it that way.

As for LOVE, I love my family and my friends. Other than that I am yet to find a Love which can excite me and can make me fall head over heels. If I am over you, means I never loved you. Until last year I had perceived of Love in a different way, but now my idea of Love is more clearer. The spiritual aspect of it, the very essence of it. If ever I manage to find such a fulfilling Love, I surely will share it with all. Until then I keep my fingers crossed and hope Taylor Lautner, you watch out for me!!!! And FYI... I believe in YALA!!!

 No hard feelings, if we ever cross each others way, I will remember the good that you have done to me by leaving me and not for all those atrocities and the animosity which you had filled in my life.

Cheers to happy and healthy living...!!!!
Cheers to letting go of the past...!!!