jaane tu ya jaane naa.....

Yet not realize me...

Why the hell do I end up like this? Why can’t I just accept the damn fact and move on? Why the hell am I like this?

Whatever, No matter if I am a doll or sweetie or dum dum or cuchie poo or bubalaboo or princess I am still the old crazy freak whatever. At times I end up with such strange thoughts and that too because of a bunch of self-obsessed hypocritical, stupid narcissists? But still, if there is a thought in my mind I must express it.
So as I saying I end up with such weirdest thoughts that people can very well call me a jerk but who cares? Not me. Why can’t for once people ask are you doing fine? Why can’t they look up to you and just smile? Why cant life be so sweet and yet so beautiful? Am I supposed to play the role of the agony aunt always? Why cant for once people [as in my friends definitely] ask me about myself and my life? But let them think whatever they want to. I am happy as always to be something I never was before. I can never really be like them I guess and in the process stand as rejected and lonely and maybe overlooked and as most of the times taken for granted. But stupid me would never ever learn from my mistakes and repeat them time and again. Strange that such a sensible girl like me ends up being so very full of nonsense that anyone can say anything on her face and all she can do is accept it as reality. Bloody shit. I so badly wish to… can never ever express myself. So why bother. Even the attempt is so useless and worthless. But what the hell finally I am writing all the crap that was stored up in my mind.
At times your friends don’t mean to hurt you but they end up saying things which prick you so badly that you can do nothing about it nor can you tell the person about it. Even when one starts to think too much about others, complications in life begin to creep in and start to kill you from the inside even though you look so damn strong and smart. So many things happen simultaneously inside your stupid head that you can’t really decide what to do and what not to do? You can’t deny the importance and presence of your friends and then you can’t hurt yourself as well. Strange situation but so very complicated at the same time. You think they know you the best and won’t pass their judgments onto you but they do it cause its human nature to do so. And maybe even some time you too had tried to do the same with them. But who knows who’s wrong or right since everyone has feelings and everyone has to live their lives.
What the hell? What did I just type out? I am absolutely clueless. But its fun to write crap and enjoy it at the same time.

So here I stand to entertain you all
And you witness my rise and fall
I smile and I laugh out loud
And you call for me in the crowd
Just to stand by you to tell you
That you are the best thing of all.

The lights that shine bright above me
The eyes which always stay behind me
The cheer and smiles which I cause
The people who never choose to doze off
All and everything seem to embrace
My life and yet not realize me.

Rock on!!!!

So finally something good happens to me when I absolutely decide to give every damn thing up and live a simple and booooooooooooring life. When I have no clue about where I will go and with whom I will hang on, he comes back with a bang to go away sooner than the cold breeze was blowing today. Whatever, the moment matters a lot and that is what should be counted for rather than the frowns I had all the evening long. Totally unexpected but so damn pleasant.
So all changed since we last met, has to be. After all it seems ages ago but the memories seemed so fresh as if everything had happened just yesterday. The songs, the steps, the sweetness, the food, the trip, the chats, the tears, the dance floor, everything was just perfect. But then the inevitable end to all good memories comes in the inevitable separation of all. Well nothing much we all will get busy with our respective lives and then who has time for anyone else except our own fucking self? Yes or no? Should I stop wishing him for his birthday or should I keep on doing that? Should I remind him that I made useless efforts to keep on reminding him of my existence? But then that wouldn’t be fair cause I know he doesn’t even realizes a bit of the situation and let him enjoy his life, why create complications for anyone at all? Moreover there are the sweet memories I can always look back to and remember how well we both mixed and how people said crap about us and how we both shed those tears. I guess no one knew about it even though there were so very many people around us. even today somehow things were not the same as were earlier but we didn’t had to start anything over again and that is what makes this relationship all the more special for me. Even though soon you will be gone, you will remain right here in my memories forever and ever as long as I live and as long as I can feel. It was a hell of a joy ride with you my buddy and even though nothing of it remains to look forward to in the future I guess I still will cherish all those sweetest moments. And guess what we never ever fought… awesome record, I say.
Whatever. Maybe it’s finally time for me to stop day-dreaming and go off to sleep and back to my awfully stupid dreams.

Caught you! Again reading the crap I just typed out? If you don’t like it and feel irritated why bother????????

Moody Me :P

Stupid mood swings I have now and then. By the way, each semester I decide to be serious and the non-talkative types who will just observe whatever is going around her but why the hell cant I ever change? It’s so fucking irritating. @~!THTI&*&)$... all rubbish seems to surround me at times. Well as for the happy-go-lucky types, I just love being myself but most of the times people around me someway or the other try to prevent the best in me, but know what who cares? I love myself a lot to harm it at all. Self-obsessed perhaps. Whatever.
What I wanted to talk about was my weirdest mood swings. One moment m so happy that suddenly I go in the silent mode and even at times in the vibration mode. Man, m great, genius and absolutely awesome. Had a great time in college. You wont believe in AB’s class am an absolute child doing all nautankis possible and he never says a thing to me [he’s good at heart]. And as for the new seat I have acquired [first bench...have never ever in my life have I choose to be on the first bench and last year and am in the first bench]. And because of this new seating arrangement of ours the dear Profs every time have to turn towards us while teaching. Even by now my neck hurts but the bench is absolutely mast and free from so very many inconveniences. Shit man, why can’t I ever stop talking? In fact I can stop whenever I want to but don’t know why it never ever works with me. Whatever who the hell cares? “It’s my blog and I can write [type] if I want to.”
Well so as I was saying…..I keep on digressing from the main issue here. That is my mood swings. So, had a great time in college. Came back home and felt so tired that couldn’t just keep my eyes awake and slept for 3 hours [too less I know]. After that was a hell lot of work for me. Something got onto me and as usual got back into the silent mode and here am typing all the rubbish out. Superb.

So some lines have to be written naa:

God was busy with some work but sessions were on for us.
The rain was pouring as if down on us.
The drizzle, the mud, the water did surround us.
And the shop-keeper led down on us.
Then came the food to look forward to
The frown was gone now and there were ice-creams too.
So I ate fast and moved towards my destination
And saw that there was lots of occupation
But then the black clouds darkened us all
I couldn’t express when or how
But did understood and so I sit
All by myself and so I do wait
For life to show me the best of it
And to love all of it.

When you don’t understand why bother man? So I have spoken more than I was supposed to. Yippesssssss. Would carry on with more of such rubbish.

What's this???

Whatever that was for, I already got to see a damn good movie and believe me it was worth a watch and that too with special people around you. Had a great great time and I am now so very happy for no specific reason as such. And this was the first Saturday I got off in college in 3rd year and it feels awesome to finally get the weekends to myself and my friends and family. And as I always say I am loving it!!!!!!!!
The weather was awesome but as usual because of the drizzle the roads were messy. But I got to do all the masti under the sky and even Di with the plaster couldn’t stop me. Isn’t it fun at times to just being able to do whatever you feel like and there’s no one to stop you or question you? I love being naughty and mischievous, it helps me use all the preserved energy in the world. I do sound excited at times when I am just allowed to do all the nautankis and I am never blamed for them. ;)
So as for the Saturday, it turned out to be more like a Sunday and I couldn’t believe that I don’t have to go back home and start thinking about college tomorrow. Great, isn’t it? Definitely it is. Maybe you out there wont realize how much I missed getting my weekends off. It was hardly for two years that the college has taken over my lovely holidays but it seemed like ages now. That isn’t weird now.
Finally I have even started updating my diary and don’t really know for how long I would be able to keep it because you never know when I might just end up tearing off the pages or burning them off. I am like that, most unpredictable. But I love it. And maybe by now people should crown me the Nautanki Queen, I so rock in it. :-P
Well time for some useless words from my side:
It wasn’t exactly what I was looking for in you but then it was something I liked. The ride of a lifetime and the flash in front of us was all so very perfect. The sky, the clouds and everything around us. The background music was continuously interrupted by the noisy lot and the cowboy shoes looked so very out of the town. The rain drops were so warm and the chicken was stripped off. And the ulta-pulta was seedha-seedha for me. ;-) Had a great ride of a time and now I feel so tired and stressed out but then there is the hope of having a great time once again. And that too pretty soon, I hope to. “What’s this?”

Nothing of sense here so stop staring at our computer screen and don’t strain your eyes guys.

Don't bother to read more

The closer you get to someone you tend to feel more secured and warm and somehow much better. But then there are the stupid feelings of insecurity, jealousy and possessiveness, and this added responsibility of trying to hold on to. I have absolutely no idea why I just typed it all out, maybe just for time pass or just because I allowed my fingers to wander off for a while… :-) I always do that and delight in doing so. Whatever now let me write whatever I feel like and please don’t even bother to read any further cause obviously it wouldn’t make any sense to you.
Well, these are college ka last year and I don’t know about studies but I will surely miss my college days, the masti, fun and everything possible I had done during this splendid 3 years. I had most of the fun, with everyone around me. Did a lot, heard a lot, by now have even seen a lot. But whatever all that was I had a great time. It was one hell of a joy ride and as this third year dawns on me I am reminded that I am getting old and I want to be a kid forever. Why can’t that happen??? :-(
Well some SWEET moments which shall stay with me forever…….
Just a “sweet” word says it all and now I am surely flying high above in the sky. The cold breeze preventing me from all the dirty heat outside and the humidity level which might have reached like a 100%, I surely was in much much safer hands. I was sitting just on the other end and those white gleaming light which circled us both was like Heaven. And the Busiest Bee of the town was not allowing him to rest for a while. Help was just too short a term to be used; I could have sat there to do all of it. “What” is not the question. It was magical and then the killing smile. A God for sure and I felt so cold and yet so warm. I looked about and there standing flaring at the smoke, awesome was it for sure. Dreams for sure can be true when one expects the least out of them. May God shine on us all and may I get such unexpected moments forever in my life.
Confused as always? But who cares? I don’t that’s why I keep on updating stupidly written careless blogs every now or then. Maybe because there are many things in life which I won’t ever be able to express it to others nor will others be so very patient with me to hear me out and then stop them for saying that “Girl, you sound so stupid”.