Right round....

God knows what is wrong in here? It’s kind of difficult to see myself like this. Haven’t felt much since the day things changed from bad to worse. But then somehow I carried on, without stopping or stooping ever. Some smiled, and some laughed. Some helped and some loved, so many things happened all together and it seems like a lifetime but I realize it has only been three years. Three long years and now when I go back to the first day of college I can clearly remember the energy and vitality we all possessed. The small traces of innocence still in our smiles and that gleam of love in our eyes. A lot has been lost since then and a lot has been gained as well. What is lost is long gone and should not be taken into account. What matters now are the things we gained during these wonderful three years? Those special moments, those days when things would somehow turn out to be right and even those days when nothing seemed right. Those walk back from college, those early morning waiting for each other, the greeting and the sharing, the meals we had together, those lovely rooms where we sat together and enjoyed each of the lectures in our own ways, those pens which stopped working in the middle of some note, those pages which were filled by them, those books we all strived to read and finish as soon as possible, those assignments, those observations we were always asked to put forward, those bunking of classes either for a movie or even just for chilling with friends. Everything holds a really special position today. Today when I look back and see those thousand images flashing in front of my eyes I feel like am lost once again. Lost in the crowd where I don’t see those same smiles and there isn’t any safe hands to catch hold of me if I fall. How can I forget all these? How can I forget what this place has given to me? how can I forget that now I am stronger than before, I feel more now, I see through things more clearly now. I have gained a lot from this place and I hope I have been able to give a lot back as well in my own small efforts towards the institution.
Friends have been an integral part in this lovely journey and I respect each one of my friends and feel whether for good or for bad we all came together, saw the best and worst of each other and accepted only those who we felt were right for us. No problems with anyone and yes if we ever meet…I promise to be the same. the same crazy girl! Lets hope that we all do well in our respective fields and frankly speaking I guess, in fact I am sure I AM GONNA MISS YOU ALL!!!!!!!
Leaving might be a compulsion for each one of us but I guess we won’t leave each other so soon…stay in touch and most importantly STAY AHEAD AND STAY AWARE!!!


LOVE YOU ALL

Mwaaaaaaaaaaahhhhzzzzzz!!!!!!

~~~~~~Tripti

I will never forget...

Did I ever expect that this can happen to me? I had denied this for so long but now I must admit that I will miss college a lot. Others will be surprised to listen to this as all they ever got to know from my college is that I HATE IT and today I agree that I will miss it bad. My friends, those benches, those classes, the blackboard, the chalk. Shit I don’t want to leave it all behind me. how can I forget those rooms where we had all those great moments? How can I forget that I met some of my very dear friends in this institution? How can I forget the best of days I spent here? How can I forget it? How can you even think that I will forget it?
Stupidly enough I have tears in my eyes while I type this all out but then I will miss college a lot. The early morning greetings, those gossips, those canteen addas, those meeting of friends, waiting for them till there class gets over…I will miss college a lot.

Love you all…seriously whether for good or for bad I am glad that I came here and got to know myself. May these moments stay with us forever and may each one of us do well in life.

Amen

When will I be able to sleep again???

So many times I want to cry, but I just can’t. At times I wish tears would just roll out of my eyes and nothing could stop them. But then there it stands my image, me as the super strong female who can never be shaken. And by now even I feel that I emerge rock solid in most of the crisis situations I find myself in. And that helps me a lot getting to know something new and special about myself everyday.
Life is surely funny and lovely at the same time. At times I laugh and the very next moment… I love everything about my life. Every step as if is like a hurdle I seem to cross over and stand victorious on this mortal ground.

“PERCHANCE he for whom this bell tolls may be so ill, as that he
knows not it tolls for him; and perchance I may think myself so
much better than I am, as that they who are about me, and see my
state, may have caused it to toll for me, and I know not that.”
[John Donne]

Great things have I encountered lately. Great desire have cropped up in my heart about those days which are still to come. But somehow life is going on, somehow everything is just about fine and I am still alive. :-)


Holy Sonnet III: O Might Those Sighs And Tears Return Again

O might those sighs and tears return again
Into my breast and eyes, which I have spent,
That I might in this holy discontent
Mourn with some fruit, as I have mourned in vain;
In mine Idolatry what showers of rain
Mine eyes did waste! what griefs my heart did rent!
That sufferance was my sin; now I repent;
'Cause I did suffer I must suffer pain.
Th' hydropic drunkard, and night-scouting thief,
The itchy lecher, and self-tickling proud
Have the remembrance of past joys for relief
Of comming ills. To (poor) me is allowed
No ease; for long, yet vehement grief hath been
Th' effect and cause, the punishment and sin. >
[John Donne ]

Time has come for me to say my goodbyes. Soon my route will change, soon the turn will compel me to walk alone once again and yet I am supposed to pretend as if nothing ever happened and that life has been fun living out here with all of you. Though it has made me cry and laugh, I cherish all those moments which made me smile. :-)

Love Comes Again...

It wasn’t one of my very good days. I didn’t know why people tend to get angry on me so easily and most of the times it’s not even me whom they are angry at. Anyway, the bottom line is that no matter what somehow or the other, when I start thinking that things are changing for the better, life gets more complicated. The knot feels tighter around my neck and I know not how to react or whom to turn towards to. And even though it has happened a few days earlier, this Monday to be precise, and it is Friday already and I still haven’t been able to forget it. What great memory I posses or should I say how easily people affect me always. Gosh, it goes above the top half the times. Half the times I wait for a smile and yet get none, half the times I have to take attitude which is so uncalled for. But then I guess that is all I deserve and can get at the moment. :-D

So finally I said what I had to and yet there are still so many things which go unmentioned. So many dreams which are trampled upon, so many hopes crushed under the blender called life, so many smiles rolling out like tears from the eyes.

But in the middle of all this chaos when a stranger smiles at you, gives the warmth you so look forward to. A small greeting and life seems worth a million years. The above mentioned incident had made not just my days a nightmare but even my internals. I don’t really want to talk about them. So whatever, on the day of my last internals, I had to meet this senior of mine. And after we met, I noticed two tall and damn smart looking foreigners in one of the shops, but didn’t bother much. The taller foreigner did attract my attention because he must have been more than 6feet tall. :D so not bothering about either of them I carried on with my conversation with my senior and then they came beside us to walk past us and we were supposedly blocking their way, so I moved away then the taller one looked at me, me giving my peculiar high-eye-browed expression, and said “Namastey” and then even bothered to look back after obviously crossing us and then that smile. That was a very strange smile. Such a smile which seemed to refresh me. A smile, which others crave for. And … Perhaps I am over-assuming out here but then at the moment I felt like even I am alive and I am no piece of crap.

Anyways thanks to those two strangers who made my day and now even though I become a punch-bag, I won’t care to care about those who don’t care to care about me.

:D :D

Leave...right now!!!!!!!!!!!

Why the fucking hell can’t these creatures live their own fucking lives? They can never ever be fucking happy with what they have and can’t see others being happy with their own lives. I do what I feel like. And I give a damn to what others think or have to say about me. They can fuck rot with their own fucking lives. I know where I stand and how much ground I hold under my feet and I don’t need others…especially a special few telling me what to do or what not to do when they themselves don’t know a fucking shit about life. Anyways…life is far better than bothering about these few shitty heads who know not a bit about me and I rather not bother to show them the real me…cause they deserve far worse things in life. :-D


Anyways had to blabber out a few things which I just did. It pertains to no one specific…

Lattooo......

It was a Monday…and I always look forward to it. Obviously two days without the God is just too much. So as always the ambience is very important. Let me try and build it up a bit.
The bright morning star was shinning. And still the cold wind seemed to interrupt my thoughts and churn me out of my day dreaming. I so wanted to close the other window but don’t know how it just wouldn’t shut on its own and so I had to do the honors. And I came too too sat on my seat and there again, why cant for a change others not shout my name out loud in the middle of all this crapping? At times I wish I was deaf and dumb but even that wouldn’t have helped because I definitely would have been much better than everyone else in the room as always. :-) So anyways I turn back to see why my name was shouted out so loud and then God appeared. The divine apparition…the sweetest memory…the sweetest sin on Earth :D That was my God there…my muse…my magic. And I was sitting right there where I always sit to worship. And today the white had a natural glow of its own. He speaks really well and he spoke well that day even. But suddenly I saw the window was closed. Who had closed it? How come suddenly out of the black it was closed? And there sitting He gave a look none of us had seen before. He was getting old indeed and soon it will be time for a new member to join in and I was shattered thinking how life would be without any of it. But that is how things are. Some things come and some things go. Some stay back forever even we might not know why? But I was sure things will change soon. I didn’t wanted reality to creep in so fast. And the God was lost in the brightness that day. And I saw the face perhaps the first time. The dull old face was losing its vigor and patience. There was never a glow there. There was never the inspiration here. I was not even alive for him. I, who worshipped…who loved to see him here and there, now and nowhere. It was painful but it was cool so as to say. I still love to love my God thinking that He actually existed…and now even though I know I was in an illusion I don’t mind going back to my world now and then.