Friday, September 9, 2016

New Feelings

And to always think of one's own self is what we humans tend to do. But being with someone, understanding someone, respecting that someone at times may prove different and at times difficult. From the very childhood we are bought up with our parents, our siblings, cousins. And so over time we respect, understand each other. Suddenly one day someone comes across and becomes even more important than all those who have been by your side all this while. And how do we react then? How do we cope with this sudden change, with the affections and loyalties changing.

Well I am obviously talking about a Life Partner we chose (most of the times) for ourselves. Suddenly he/she becomes the most important of them all, but it takes a little time to understand and to share a part of yourself with them.

I always screw up big time when it comes to this. I become protective of my family, of myself, of everything I have and I hate sharing it. I know it is difficult, but somehow my feelings and emotions stay within myself. And I just can't share myself with anyone. I somehow have these trust issues lately which I am slowly and steadily realizing and somehow I just can't stand anyone standing up for me. I have seen so many standing up and throwing me down, that now I find it difficult to even acknowledge anyone can ever be good to me without having any purpose to fulfill.

This made me realize why I have not had too many friends in Bangalore also. But somehow life is peaceful that way. We humans (including myself very much) are selfish and this essential nature leads to the Darwin's theory of Survival of the Fittest. So many of it is interlinked with each other that I wonder where I stand. A small speck in the world full of nothing.

But I have to open up. Its time to acknowledge other's feelings also, take into consideration that 2 people can share their lives together and be good to each other. Hurt is a part of the process, but it is not the process as a whole. I am learning each day, and believe me no matter how weird or strange I may feel, I am trying my best. A lot is to be achieved. I am way far than what I thought I had reached. But I am trying my best to reach there. Fingers crossed.

At times it is necessary also, to be upset with each other, to have mood swings, It only helps to grow and makes you stronger in the process. Let's see how all of this turns out for me. All the very best to me. This new phase of life...

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