Why is there a compulsion of thinking about him 24*7? Why can’t I really think about my own self and not think about him? Why has he become so special for me? What has he done so differently that it’s hard to get him out of my mind?
So very many questions in my mind and yet I can never seem to find a proper answer as to why I love him so much? There are so many things about him which irritate me and have even hurt me, let me down, yet I know he is the only one for me. I know no one can love me the way he loves and I also know I am the only one in his life. Yet there are things which never seem to make any sense. There are times which leave me so shaken and lonely that I fail to understand what exactly should I feel or do.
They say it is the heart of the strongest ones which are amongst the loneliest places on earth. And I have come to believe this because I have experienced it myself. And there is no denying the fact that no matter how many people I have around me, who love me and care for me, I feel the loneliest even with them. It is strange how it had never mattered to me when I had no one beside me and I was all alone, had no one to share my thoughts with. And now when I do, I hate the very fact that I have so much to share and there isn’t time at all. When I want to speak somehow there is so much noise all around that my voice hardly gets across. This doesn’t just happen with him, it happens with everyone around me. I know half of the things I am typing here will make no sense yet I also know that no matter what these are the feelings I will have to live with and face everyday of my life.
I fear perhaps I will never get my chance to leave this city. I fear I will be struck here and that I am indeed. So many dreams to fulfill and so little time. Don’t really know if I will ever be able to do those things which I have thought of. But nonetheless I will have to try and try my best to make sure I don’t lag behind the others. I want to earn so much money that my parents never ever have to think about spending it on the silliest thing possible. I just wish this would happen with me as soon as possible, because I don’t really have time. I will have to do things. And if nothing else works out, I will have to do the thing I think I lack the courage to do so. But I guess I have no other option.
How much I have deviated in this post, only I know. I don’t have the strength or the courage for anything else. But somehow life is going on, I am still alive and still awake and I still don’t know what I should be doing. All I can hope for is to do the best of what I can and to wait for my future to happen to me. Till then God bless all my dear ones and Love you my dear <3. Thank You For everything, your love, care, generosity and hospitality. :P :D
Thank You!!!
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