Some one recently questioned about this person in my life, I didn’t know how best to give him a reply, I wasn’t sure if the other person would understand the relationship I share. But anyways I loved the reply I came up with…and it all happened near about five minutes ago. And here is my reply… these lines are meant for a dear friend, who is busy with his life, his career, earning money, working hard and still he is the reason why I smile now and then… , even though he is a million miles away… these lines are meant only for you my friend….
“A friend, philosopher, a guide.
I don’t want any feelings to hide.
He is a ray of hope
The other end of this friendship’s rope.
A beam of light
When nothing seems right.
Someone who never said too much.
But is a friend as such,
Who will walk with me till the end of time,
All I know HE is a friend of mine.”
Because of my shitty server, I have to post it now :(
But this friend of mine, well he is back, a little tired and exhausted and a little worried. But he is back and I am sure everything will be alright once he is back. Take care buddy… I missed you a lot and I am sure everything is going to be alright. :-)
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
I'm the new change...
They told me to start over again
They always have.
I remember the first step I took
Those new steps with the new look.
Change has always been constant
And so I was changing too.
Changed my school, changed my friends,
Changed the uniform I used to wear.
Changed the way I used to think
Challenged new thoughts, doubts and feelings.
Made all the efforts to move ahead
Made the efforts to become the “bestest of the best”.
I made another effort for a new beginning
They said… was it possible?
I made sure it was never impossible
For I achieved this thing.
They all said they loved
And so we became friends
But at the end of the day
Only three of us stood together.
So special were those days
When I learnt something new.
They all were so encouraging and supportive
I respect them more every way.
Then came the best change of all
I grew so proud and tall.
‘Tis the best bargain of all.
And yet it made us all … fall.
Made three years worth living
All the love worth giving
I got my share of love too
Along with came the dear hate.
But I felt it was not too late
for a better turn from the worst
those feelings seize to exist
they have finally turned to dust.
Today, I stand here all cold and lonely
Even though things are working somehow
I am no more happy.
I am disgusted, the way system works.
And now I want to change it all the more.
Seems I’m losing energy though
And want to give up with time,
And give up this fight of mine.
BUT …
It’s time to change again …
Let me see what happens this time,
I am ready for all the rains.
Let me be prepared to be slaughtered,
I will enjoy the killing and the new bloodshed.
Let me be prepared to be the new excavation,
I am prepared to be the new … ME …
They always have.
I remember the first step I took
Those new steps with the new look.
Change has always been constant
And so I was changing too.
Changed my school, changed my friends,
Changed the uniform I used to wear.
Changed the way I used to think
Challenged new thoughts, doubts and feelings.
Made all the efforts to move ahead
Made the efforts to become the “bestest of the best”.
I made another effort for a new beginning
They said… was it possible?
I made sure it was never impossible
For I achieved this thing.
They all said they loved
And so we became friends
But at the end of the day
Only three of us stood together.
So special were those days
When I learnt something new.
They all were so encouraging and supportive
I respect them more every way.
Then came the best change of all
I grew so proud and tall.
‘Tis the best bargain of all.
And yet it made us all … fall.
Made three years worth living
All the love worth giving
I got my share of love too
Along with came the dear hate.
But I felt it was not too late
for a better turn from the worst
those feelings seize to exist
they have finally turned to dust.
Today, I stand here all cold and lonely
Even though things are working somehow
I am no more happy.
I am disgusted, the way system works.
And now I want to change it all the more.
Seems I’m losing energy though
And want to give up with time,
And give up this fight of mine.
BUT …
It’s time to change again …
Let me see what happens this time,
I am ready for all the rains.
Let me be prepared to be slaughtered,
I will enjoy the killing and the new bloodshed.
Let me be prepared to be the new excavation,
I am prepared to be the new … ME …
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The day that never comes...
What two great days I had? I still can’t believe that all this happened with me. So many emotions in such little amount of time seems really strange to me. I am moody indeed, but my emotions changing with my mood in fraction of seconds were like wow!!! I seriously don’t know what to do, how well to write down my feelings today. Is it a blessing or a boon in disguise? Is this a warning? I don’t know what to expect of things anymore… I know none of this was expected three years back when I was super excited and felt super lucky with the way things were going on.
So many good things have happened over the three years but the past 3 days have made them all seem so small. So many times have I cried and for whom? Not for myself, for sure but I have and it hurts each time I realize how I am to continue living leaving behind old things and old friends and believe me none of it is worth leaving behind. I feel that somewhere down I have been unable to do things properly. I wish I had the power to set things right, to make things happen, to make people smile and for once see deserving people wining. Why did it have to happen? Why things are going the other way? I fucking cried when I heard about it.
They had said that Adam has to work till he sweats his brows, but here Eves are sweating badly each day for their works to be done. What rubbish is going on? And what’s worse, the blame is shared by one and all, even me, but none is ready to accept the fact. And so I accept my faults and I am sorry that I caused so much trouble to my own self.
I had thought I would write this and I would write that, but don’t know why I am not writing anything out. Tomorrow I am at home, hopefully when I feel it right, I am able to type more and give vent to my feelings. Till then see you all soon. :-)
The saddest part of my day
When you have to leave, and you walk away.
:|
So many good things have happened over the three years but the past 3 days have made them all seem so small. So many times have I cried and for whom? Not for myself, for sure but I have and it hurts each time I realize how I am to continue living leaving behind old things and old friends and believe me none of it is worth leaving behind. I feel that somewhere down I have been unable to do things properly. I wish I had the power to set things right, to make things happen, to make people smile and for once see deserving people wining. Why did it have to happen? Why things are going the other way? I fucking cried when I heard about it.
They had said that Adam has to work till he sweats his brows, but here Eves are sweating badly each day for their works to be done. What rubbish is going on? And what’s worse, the blame is shared by one and all, even me, but none is ready to accept the fact. And so I accept my faults and I am sorry that I caused so much trouble to my own self.
I had thought I would write this and I would write that, but don’t know why I am not writing anything out. Tomorrow I am at home, hopefully when I feel it right, I am able to type more and give vent to my feelings. Till then see you all soon. :-)
The saddest part of my day
When you have to leave, and you walk away.
:|
Saturday, July 4, 2009
My Friend....
It’s come to this now
I want to say so much for once.
But words won’t come out
Though its time to voice my thoughts.
Those days of endless fights,
When both of us wouldn’t stop.
Those nautankis we both did,
Making the other one sulk.
But today things are not the same
And now I want to say
I will make my words speak
I will speak out for a change.
A smile you brought onto my face
A pat on the back, without a trace.
I knew I found a true friend
Whose friendship shall never efface.
I love fighting with you all the while
The arguments without any rhyme
The stupidity we couldn’t guard ourselves from
I must say that was our best time.
But who said that we have to part?
We are yet to meet each other
And we are miles apart
But you are here, in my heart. <3
Today I apologize for my silly mistakes
And acknowledge your patience being always so considerate.
You are someone who inspires me always
Teaches me to be myself on any given date.
I love you for who you are
I love you for who you are to me
I love you for not just being such a great friend
But also for being the best of my R**i.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Faith by Faith
With those heavy eyes and the dizzy feeling I looked around myself. Everything was a blur. I thought that I had lost my sight. Immediately my instinct was to rub my eyes and try and look around myself once again, just to make sure that my eyes were alright. As soon as I did so, everything was clear in front of my eyes, I could see, my sight wasn’t lost and that was a big relief. But then where was I? This wasn’t my room, the surroundings were different and yet not unfamiliar. It took some time for me to realize that I was in my parent’s room. But as the time was passing by my head grew heavier. It must hardly have been a few minutes and yet again I was feeling dizzy. My head, it felt as if someone was constantly banging a stick on it, and I couldn’t do anything about it. So I cried out,
“Mother… mother, where are you mother?”
My cry seemed spontaneous to me but I waited for a while for an answer. She must reply to me. I have called out for her.
“No one is here dear, but you are alright. Doctor says you are alright.”
I soon recognized the voice; it was that of Nora, my sister. But then why was she answering today? My instincts told me that something wasn’t right after all. I wanted my mother to be my side and she was nowhere to be found. But these bangs on my head kept me from moving even an inch from the bed and go look for her. Once again I was falling asleep, my eyes were closing and I was lost in my sleep.
These memories date back to those days when I was too small to even realize what exactly was going on around me. But the memories of that accident are not clear yet. I try hard to recall, but fail miserably each time. Well it surely was a long time ago. But nothing much has changed since then. I still crave and I still cry and these days the headaches kill me. My questions are not even answered these days. I love being a part of the crowd and yet I have become a kind of a loner. I hardly speak anymore about what I actually want to say. I wear a smile on my face as I see no other way of hiding myself from others.
Hey you know what they say about me? Promise me you won’t laugh. Nevertheless, they say Faith is a lucky girl, so confident, so full of energy; she doesn’t need to hide anything. She is always smiling, always so cheerful. They say Faith has everything in her to be a winner, they say they love her, and all their prayers are with her. But what they don’t know is that Faith has her existence in faith itself. She isn’t the person people think she is. Nonetheless undoubtedly Faith is faith. :-)
But Faith is a scared creature. She hates voicing her opinions, her feelings, and her emotions. She hides her pains and sorrows, even from her loved ones. She is afraid and scared. Is this the Faith people had known all this while? No one knows and she is afraid to tell them even.
It was Sports day and Annual Meet in my school, my final year in school. I had worked hard, really hard for it. My teachers were all happy and appreciated my efforts. But I felt incomplete, I felt something was missing. It was her presence; she was missing from the scene. She wasn’t here to witness what I had achieved in school all this while and how much I was loved and appreciated by all. I remember missing my cousin’s engagement for a competition. But I returned for the wedding and you know what, they didn’t even know me anymore. I wasn’t a part of the family as if. But I thought she would stand by me, make me a part of the family who had somehow forgotten about me. I wanted her to be by my side… she wasn’t there. I still wait for her. I want her to look at me and see, but she doesn’t and I still live by faith.
I am a big girl now in fact a lady… elegant, graceful, charming, just as a lady is supposed to be. But why do I wear my hair so clumsily? Why do I dress up so badly? Only for her to notice me once and correct my ways and manners, to make me into that girl again who is missing for a long time now. But I still am waiting for her look. She hasn’t turned around yet. I still wait for her. I still live by faith.
But now it is time, my hour of departure. I am once again all alone, sitting and staring at those vacant walls of my room. Diagnosed with last stage of cancer, they say I will leave soon. They have lost faith now, and even Faith has lost faith which was her only cause for survival. Though I still wait for her and she is nowhere to be seen. I will close my eyes soon, so they tell me, forever. But for once I want my cries to be answered by no one else, only her. Will she reply if I cry out loud this one time? Will she come back to me? Will you mother?
“Mother… mother, where are you mother?”
“I am here my child, right beside you dear, I am here.”
It was her voice, I know it was hers. She finally did reply to me. She is here, is she? I can’t wait any longer and so I turn around and yes she is here. Draped in white, the angelic face, I thought I wouldn’t recognize her. But here she was, right beside me, her hands stretched out towards me. I ran, ran a little closer and there was a slight pain in my heart but now I am with her. We are together, Faith and her mother. My holy hour has come, my faith has been answered. She is calling for me, and maybe she had always done so. But I in my blindness, in my ignorance must have mistaken it to be something else. I know she could not have forgotten about me. I finally get to see her, to feel her touch, she is my mother. The only person I lived for. Maybe she was not here all this while, to make me feel how much others too care about me, maybe to love me a little more when things weren’t all that right, to show that even though she was gone, I was not alone. I want to cry out today, cry a little louder but my tears won’t just fall from my eyes. I clear my blurred vision only to realize we both have transcended our homely abodes and now we are together… forever. Faith’s faith has survived the test of times, the test of life and death. Her faith is reawakened, by her being dead. She lives by it, it is her only existence. I love you mother, Faith loves you mother. I loved you all this while and shall love you till the end of our new lives. Faith is alive being dead…once again… Faith lives by faith. :)
“Mother… mother, where are you mother?”
My cry seemed spontaneous to me but I waited for a while for an answer. She must reply to me. I have called out for her.
“No one is here dear, but you are alright. Doctor says you are alright.”
I soon recognized the voice; it was that of Nora, my sister. But then why was she answering today? My instincts told me that something wasn’t right after all. I wanted my mother to be my side and she was nowhere to be found. But these bangs on my head kept me from moving even an inch from the bed and go look for her. Once again I was falling asleep, my eyes were closing and I was lost in my sleep.
These memories date back to those days when I was too small to even realize what exactly was going on around me. But the memories of that accident are not clear yet. I try hard to recall, but fail miserably each time. Well it surely was a long time ago. But nothing much has changed since then. I still crave and I still cry and these days the headaches kill me. My questions are not even answered these days. I love being a part of the crowd and yet I have become a kind of a loner. I hardly speak anymore about what I actually want to say. I wear a smile on my face as I see no other way of hiding myself from others.
Hey you know what they say about me? Promise me you won’t laugh. Nevertheless, they say Faith is a lucky girl, so confident, so full of energy; she doesn’t need to hide anything. She is always smiling, always so cheerful. They say Faith has everything in her to be a winner, they say they love her, and all their prayers are with her. But what they don’t know is that Faith has her existence in faith itself. She isn’t the person people think she is. Nonetheless undoubtedly Faith is faith. :-)
But Faith is a scared creature. She hates voicing her opinions, her feelings, and her emotions. She hides her pains and sorrows, even from her loved ones. She is afraid and scared. Is this the Faith people had known all this while? No one knows and she is afraid to tell them even.
It was Sports day and Annual Meet in my school, my final year in school. I had worked hard, really hard for it. My teachers were all happy and appreciated my efforts. But I felt incomplete, I felt something was missing. It was her presence; she was missing from the scene. She wasn’t here to witness what I had achieved in school all this while and how much I was loved and appreciated by all. I remember missing my cousin’s engagement for a competition. But I returned for the wedding and you know what, they didn’t even know me anymore. I wasn’t a part of the family as if. But I thought she would stand by me, make me a part of the family who had somehow forgotten about me. I wanted her to be by my side… she wasn’t there. I still wait for her. I want her to look at me and see, but she doesn’t and I still live by faith.
I am a big girl now in fact a lady… elegant, graceful, charming, just as a lady is supposed to be. But why do I wear my hair so clumsily? Why do I dress up so badly? Only for her to notice me once and correct my ways and manners, to make me into that girl again who is missing for a long time now. But I still am waiting for her look. She hasn’t turned around yet. I still wait for her. I still live by faith.
But now it is time, my hour of departure. I am once again all alone, sitting and staring at those vacant walls of my room. Diagnosed with last stage of cancer, they say I will leave soon. They have lost faith now, and even Faith has lost faith which was her only cause for survival. Though I still wait for her and she is nowhere to be seen. I will close my eyes soon, so they tell me, forever. But for once I want my cries to be answered by no one else, only her. Will she reply if I cry out loud this one time? Will she come back to me? Will you mother?
“Mother… mother, where are you mother?”
“I am here my child, right beside you dear, I am here.”
It was her voice, I know it was hers. She finally did reply to me. She is here, is she? I can’t wait any longer and so I turn around and yes she is here. Draped in white, the angelic face, I thought I wouldn’t recognize her. But here she was, right beside me, her hands stretched out towards me. I ran, ran a little closer and there was a slight pain in my heart but now I am with her. We are together, Faith and her mother. My holy hour has come, my faith has been answered. She is calling for me, and maybe she had always done so. But I in my blindness, in my ignorance must have mistaken it to be something else. I know she could not have forgotten about me. I finally get to see her, to feel her touch, she is my mother. The only person I lived for. Maybe she was not here all this while, to make me feel how much others too care about me, maybe to love me a little more when things weren’t all that right, to show that even though she was gone, I was not alone. I want to cry out today, cry a little louder but my tears won’t just fall from my eyes. I clear my blurred vision only to realize we both have transcended our homely abodes and now we are together… forever. Faith’s faith has survived the test of times, the test of life and death. Her faith is reawakened, by her being dead. She lives by it, it is her only existence. I love you mother, Faith loves you mother. I loved you all this while and shall love you till the end of our new lives. Faith is alive being dead…once again… Faith lives by faith. :)
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Nostalgia....
Another day and yet another hurdle I face all on my own. At times I wish I just wasn't this strong but now I know God choose me to be so. I love the wait, the challenges, the uncertainity called LIFE. I am ready now, ready for more.
By the way, being blessed with some of the greatest people as friends, I know my luck is changing for the best. :)
By the way, being blessed with some of the greatest people as friends, I know my luck is changing for the best. :)
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