It has been such a long time that I don’t feel his hug anymore; I seem to have forgotten his touch and the feel that he is around me. And I am shit scared to forget him. How can I when I know I still love him with all my heart and soul? How can I forget him when he was the only one who was so close? Why am I still so stupid to wait for someone I know will never ever even show me his face again?
I am behaving like a love lost puppy, but I know no better way to behave myself. Whoever tries to come close to me, I scare them away. But the fact is I am scared of hurting myself once again. But who is to understand what I am going through? Who is there to stand by my side when I feel weak and want to quit? He and only he has seen the real me, the real me who too can be scared of the dark, who too can be the perfectly smiling girl. I wish the days would be back but then I don’t wish to see him hurt once again. I wish a hell lot of things to come true but then at the end of the day I realize that wishes are all those things one misses in life. So it is fine. I am trying my best to fight against all odds and to come out strong once again.
Oh! How much I hate the word “strong”? I want to meet the person who thought of such a word and made a hell out of my life. It’s like everyone who meets me has to say the same shitty thing--- “be strong”. Bloody hell, it’s easier to say than to do. Had they been in my position I doubt they could have managed even one day out of their precious life. The worst part of life is that no one understands what I am going through. Everyone is ready to give their own opinions and advices, but what about me? What about that which still survives inside me? What about the stupid little hopeless hope that things will be alright? What about my voice, my thoughts and my opinions? Don’t they get a say in my life. This is the only reason why I hate talking too much with anyone, because I know very well no one will look the way I am looking. At best they will confuse me all the more with my life which I don’t want.
The worst part of all this is I have somehow forgotten myself. The crazy girl with crazy dreams, high ambitions in life, so many desires, somewhere she is lost and forgotten. And what I fear the most is losing her, I mean losing myself in this chaos. As long as I will breathe I will ensure that I don’t die. I will stay alive with all the best possible reasons in life. I don’t know what is in future, but no matter what I won’t give up on myself. No matter what others think about me, whether beautiful or not, slim or not, sweet or not, at the end of the day, I AM WHAT I AM AND WHAT I WAS MEANT TO BE… and nothing or no one can change that. All might be forgotten but not me… never ME…!!!
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