Well I do realize I have changed the title as per the need of the hour. It is better to generalize than to take sides of either of the sexes. All I want now is to find a few good Human Beings who can understand and not just fake it.
To begin with, I used to think only Punjabis are shallow minded when it comes to the skin tone or complexion of their daughter-in-laws. But the more I travel, the more I learn. It is a human mentality to think that the complexion of the daughter-in-law will inevitably be bestowed upon the future generations. Hence the reason for a fairer looking Daughter-in-law, even though the son may look like a Chimpanzee. Well I should not be generalizing, but over these past few years, I have come across such shallow and pointless notions. But I did not understand the gravity of it, till the time I had to face the ordeal for myself. And damn, that did hurt.
I wonder how shallow our society has become, running after color, caste, creed and religion. Even in such modern times, we are still stuck with the stupid notions of the Cave Days. But somehow I believe life in a Cave would have been much more simpler than living in this modern day reality, the concrete jungle.
I know I am discussing something very personal to me, but I thought if I am facing this, I am sure there will be many more women who must be going through the same everyday and maybe my experience may help them in someway. I know I am just an ordinary person, but there have been people in my life who made this ordinary person feel so very extra ordinary. And even though some may not be here with me right now, I know their prayers and good wishes will always be with me.
Well from a very young age, my distant relatives have had this question mark in their mind. Not because of anything serious or political or economical, but because of my skin tone, or my complexion. There is a major chunk of my family who is not aware of the polio drops incident and I would rather leave it there. So from the day I gained consciousness, there has been this sense of unease and discomfort around those relatives. As time passed, I have even come across people who have not hesitated in telling me on my face that I am ugly looking. Every time they end up comparing me with my sister, little realizing that we are 2 very different people. Nonetheless as a kid, believe me I gave a damn to such comments. And I so wish I could have been that carefree kid again. But once when I got to see the real world around me, when I got to understand how this pitiful society works, I realized that no matter how good, or considerate I may be, even if I am a Topper, as long as my complexion is dark, I cannot be associated with anything good.
And here comes the most important person of my life, my friend, my mentor, my guide, my motivator, my inspiration, my everything, my sweet dear Grandmother, my Chaiji. Oh, how I miss her each day. I know no one is perfect in this world, and I am sure Chaiji may have had her shares of ups and downs. But for me, she is and she will always be PERFECTION. How well has she managed the entire clan and her own kids. Among-st the first convent educated females in India, and a First Class holder, she was so down to earth and such a genuine human being. Mere words cannot describe how and what I feel for her even today that she is no longer with us. Chaiji was married to this handsome, fair looking man, my Grandfather, my Daddyji. And how Chaiji used to say, color doesn't matter. Her father-in-law saw the simplicity in her and choose her for his first born (the handsomest of his sons). And Daddyji never once let Chaiji think she is not as good looking as he is. And that is the kind of relationship I wanted (tough luck). And so every time I would be down and worried about my complexion, well I obviously discussed everything with her, all she would say is, that I have a beautiful heart and a pure soul. I used to get angry saying, no one can see that so how can they judge me. And she would just smile and say, someday someone will. How much I miss that woman in my life. She used to lift my spirit up just with her smile. I remember when I got my tattoo done, everyone in the house were angry but Chaiji supported me and smiling said even she has one. But yes if I was wrong, she would always be the first person to scold me and she ensured that I make amends. With her around life was so peaceful and smooth and just so happy and positive. I miss you Chaiji and I miss you Daddyji. ALWAYS!
But somehow I ended up with the same age old controversy of having a dark complexion and hence a dark soul and hence dark kids in the future. I wonder if all these people have some special powers to visual what will happen in the future. And yet they will always speculate.
I have given up on humanity and I have given up on people. They will be nice to you as long as you serve their purpose and the moment you are useless to them, you are dead. I do miss the friend circle I had back in Kolkata. I miss the friendly hugs and the friendly gestures from people around me. I miss feeling good about myself. Here in Bangalore, if I smile everyone will try and find ways and means to ensure my smile doesn't spread and rather I sit back and cry. But this too is a phase of life, which will pass eventually. Even though I desperately want this phase to get over with, but I know gradually it will be gone.
I guess for this lifetime, I have met my quota of good humans. Cheers to another life. Hopefully I would not be such a disappointment to all and I would not get disappointed by all.
Dedicated to a Few Good Humans...
