Never Again!!!

I don’t know where to start today from and what exactly to type out. So many things have happened recently that I seriously don’t know what to do about them except to perhaps forget them but then how?

I always thought that I am this perfect girl with little imperfections which I can choose not to think about. But today I still can see how everyone is still biased about certain things which only make it all the more worse for my living around them. Happiness is just a state of mind, and it is absolutely true. We can choose to be happy even in a very difficult or even a very sad situation. And that is why I can say yes I am happy. Being positive, hoping for the best of everything is what I have left with and seriously I just can’t stand it anymore. I need to get out of here and get away from everyone for ever. But as always my dream trips remain a stupid dream of mine and I have no other way except to crib and cry about it or to write about it.

Anyways so I have always thought of myself to be perfect. This being absolutely normal as everyone considers themselves to be so. Being a perfect girl I aspire to be the best at everything. And most importantly being perfect for me means that I am able to give my mom and dad that happiness which they have always deserved. I seriously I can’t stand to see them upset or down about anything and so I make it a point to love and help my parents everyway possible. And what is best is the fact that my parents love and support me equally. They always have shown faith and trust in me and all of my decisions. But somehow today I feel like a total let down to them. Things better left unsaid have lately been the reason for all the worries and concern of my parents. I know they won’t say anything but deep inside they know that I will never purposely hurt them. They suffer because at present I am suffering and there is no one to share all this suffering with.

From the outside I have always been a happy-go-lucky person but what is inside me stays inside and it hurts badly. I seriously don’t know how to express myself and how exactly to explain what I am going through right now. What hurts the most is the thought that I have let my parents down and have somehow abused the trust and faith they had in me. If only I could turn back time and make things right. Then this wouldn’t have happened ever.

An important lesson learnt and now I will be more cautious and more attentive not to do anything silly like this ever in my life. Certain things should always be at a shoulder’s distance and should never be entertained in life. I knew life was no cake walk, had it been so, life would have been so uninteresting, monotonous and boring. But I never thought my life would turn out to be like this. I was so freaking sure of it and look at me where I am standing right now. A loser!!!

Never again!!!

I promise to myself Never Again!!!