Run-Away!!!

My friends always ask me why I seem to run away from them whenever I have problems or whenever something negative happens around me. Most of the times I seriously am out of words to tell them the reasons for doing so, and seriously I myself am so freaking confused all the time about sharing my personal stuff with them.

Well frankly speaking half the friends are not at all bothered at all, and the few of those who are little bit bothered, have no time or interest as such. I mean it gets so difficult to choose one thing over the other. It’s like to choose between getting ignored or going away from those who ignore you? It is a difficult choice I must say, but one has to choose.

To look at the bigger picture, somehow or the other the equation between me and my friends has never really worked out. Well for one among the many reasons, we are two completely different individuals with different approaches towards life. Over time I have come across so many people with different needs and wants and each special and unique, at times irritating and stupid in their very own ways. But I have loved and still love each one of them. It is just the simple fact that at times I like to be left alone, before I can figure out something about my life. Frankly I had such great dreams and elaborate plans about myself that it hurts to see them crumble. Moreover everyone has seen me strong and believe me when I say this. I have always been like this superwoman for whom everything has been possible, who is tough and strong and solid. Well to be frank at times I do feel like a rock, been thrown over from this side of the lane to the other now and then. Anyways the basic thing is unless and until I prove myself to myself; I rather keep things to myself.

Well also to add to my situation there are a host of things going so very against me. It’s like my mind is divided in so many bits and pieces that I have these stupid fits of losing my conscious and being what can only be described as mad. Some of my friends think it is one of those very phases where lovers have a fight, but how should I tell them that there are so very many things my boyfriend himself is unaware of. Luckily I have someone in my life who is so supportive and I burst out to him now and then. But that is so very unfair on my part. So I am trying my best to refrain myself from saying anything which might hurt anyone.

There have been times when I have been let down by my friends and especially those days when I needed someone the most. Somehow the feeling of being left out and loneliness has left a bitter taste on my tongue. And lately has turned so sour that I just don’t want to go on with it anymore. I so wish for my childhood days to return but I don’t have a lamp to rub on it and order a genie to make things better. Rather as my destiny states, I will work hard, toil day and night to set things right, right for all my loved ones. Oh! How I wish some things would work out like in a snap of a finger. But then they will never and I know it very well.

Even thought my elaborate plans are going to the ditches very effectively, I still try and hold my ground, with frankly speaking only my God and no one else. It is difficult to see my loved ones suffer each day and I feel so helpless most of the times.

Friends, family members and my dear ones, if ever you get to read this, remember no matter what each one of you make me what I am today. I love you all no matter what. Just want to apologize for all the days I couldn’t make the sun shine on you and made you sad. If I could have my way I would take back all those days. But I am only a mortal and be rest assured I won‘t live long.

Thanks for everything you guys have done for me. I can never in a million years repay it back to any one of you. Thank You!!!