Friday, January 23, 2015

Just another Entry

Another day of this January. I don't really know what I am upto. Back at home, dad thinks I have clue as to what I am doing. I want to make progress, prove my worth, but I do not know whether or not I have taken the right path. At times I do have my confusions regarding the many decisions I have taken. Let's see what will happen. Bhagwanji is there and I trust Him inside out. Let Him surprise me.  But please Bhagwanji let it be a pleasant surprise.

Tomorrow is the wedding of one of my cousins whom I have never ever met in my life. Let's see how that turns out to be. In fact I was not even ready for a wedding and have to wear my birthday dress, which I so did not want to. Anyways I hope something better will turn out for me.

Bangalore has been treating me fine,nothing extravagant as of yet. I have already fallen sick once, the stupid PG wala was not even getting the geyser fixed and the food,it isn't bad but then its not home food. I have forgotten the taste of paranthas. I wish Mom was here. I definitely miss home and the kids, my babies, cannot even hug them and look at them and smile. DJ and Dodo are definitely angry on me for leaving like that. I wish they all were here with me. But then I have a career to make and I want to prove my worth. I want mom and dad to be proud of me once again and I trust my Bhagwanji that this time He will not let me fail.

By the way, Bangalore is a let down, no good looking crowd. It is just average just like Kolkata but at least I am happy that I am out of the hell hole where people all are selfish and jealous and mean and can only wish for things which can harm one. Whenever I think about them, all I get it negativity and I wish I could somehow do away with it. I wish I could erase the past and someday this will all just be a distant memory, with no value or importance attached to it. I am waiting for the day when I can leave everything behind me and I can be myself completely, inside out, without any pretensions and can let go. Please let that day come soon.

Lastly it seems like my so called friends, were never my friend. Even after leaving the city, no one misses me, which is kind of strange and weird. I expected a handful to at least miss me, but then I am always disappointed when it comes to expectations as I keep wrong expectations from wrong people. So I guess they are in a way happy to get rid of me. Good for me as well, as long as they are happy I should be happy for them too.

Thank You Bhagwanji for everything. Love You and please take care of my family. I miss them and I love them a lot.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

2015

And then to think I would never return back.

To begin with A very Happy New Year 2015. It has indeed been quite sometime that I started typing out here. And well I got myself a notebook just because my handwriting was affected due to lack of writing for sometime now. But it feels like blog too needs me at times. It is after all a part of me and I can just not let it go. So here I am typing once again random things as my Creative Muse is asleep for quite sometime now.

It may come as a shock but I have finally managed to leave Kolkata and have moved out to Bangalore. The city has been welcoming as of now, been just a little over 2 weeks that I am here. Let's see what this city has in store for me.

As for Kolkata, leaving the last organization seems like just like a revelation. With the management changing every other quarter,it was becoming not only difficult but corrupt. I miss Dushyant at that place. He was so much  more better and at least he was not a biased person. He was the one who could have done wonders but unfortunately some could just not handle him and his ways. Then for sometime we were on our own, with Krishnendu Da, it  was fun. He was never really bothered as long as stats were met and things were happening. I liked him too and I know he liked me too. It was just so much fun, preparing for the R and R and all the offsite and onsite activities. Damn, I was a part of all of it. Well frankly  speaking I was pampered a lot by each one of them. And then came the movement to Premier, damn I was too good for them also. Proved my worth the very month my performance started rolling. No one can dare question me or my performance ever in that damn place. I started hating the place for a bunch of people, well bongs to be specific. Jealous of anyone who can do better than them and can  never ever be happy with anyone's progress. Neither will they progress nor will they ever appreciate anyone else's progress. Gawd! I have so much  of dislike for each one of them, Fake-sters. Anyways I wish them all happiness however I do wish they would not harm anyone like this ever again. But before a new era could dawn, I left the company. What a shock, he must have got. And it was evident because he never even bothered to come to meet me once. Damn! you should have tried to hide your frustration in a better way. Nonetheless even if I am not there in the hell hole, I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. But it was a bit of a shocker that a performer like me was not even given any importance once I put down the papers. Even SHE would have been upset or was she anticipating it. Premier was not that welcoming but then I had a bunch of people I could rely on and that is what I loved about the place. A handful of people just to make me smile. That is all we need in life, a little bit of happiness and that is all to keep us all going.

But that is all behind me now. I wish I could type so much more but then I don't want to offend anyone at all. Everyone is good in there own very places and I wish them success without harming anyone else. I hope they can feel success and love it, not just by harming anyone. Good luck guys! But I know you guys would never wish the same for me. I know it only too well because you never understood me and the worst bit, you lost a true friend. I am glad I have learnt from the million mistakes I have made in life but for you all, God help.

So cheers to a new beginning, cheers to a new world and new expectations, cheers to a better life!!!!!